Dependents
by Pillow Bosom
Summary: Always prideful, Helga is loathe to ask for help, especially from the person who makes her feel so vulnerable... but it's about more than just her... Language and Lemons, I don't own anything HA.
1. Stoop

The paint on the door in front of her was cracked, the edges rolling back on themselves. She wanted to pick at them, pull the dry flakes off with her fingernails, pull long green strips from the wood beneath.

She fidgeted, nervous. She glanced back at her car, parked under the streetlamp, sitting in a circle of yellow light. In the hours it had taken to drive here, she had not thought once about this moment, she had just driven, trying to hold herself together long enough to get somewhere safe.

_What if he doesn't live here anymore? What if he isn't home? What do I say if someone else opens the door? What if he says no?_

She steeled herself, forced herself to be strong. She could feel panic clawing at the bottom of her throat, making it hard to breath, holding her ribs tight. She _had _to do this. She glanced back at her car again, making sure everything was alright. She took a deep breath and knocked.

A dog barked, she heard voices, a laugh, movement, footsteps. She thought she might pass out, her heart was beating so hard in her chest. The door cracked open. _It's him. _He was smiling, looking down, keeping his foot in front of the square dog that was straining to snuffle at her legs.

He looked up, his curved lips stiffening when he saw her face, freezing his mouth into a rigid copy of his soft smile.

His eyes searched her face, checking and re-checking her features as though he didn't believe his own eyes. They lingered on her, surveying the black bruise that had blossomed over her eye and cheek over the past 24 hours. Shame burned her from her feet to her fingers, she swallowed her pride.

"Hey… Arnold."

He blinked. "Helga?" They just stood there, staring at each other. _He's still here._ "Are you OK?" He asked finally, stepping forward slightly, lifting a hand as though he would touch her bruised face, but stopping short of contact when, despite herself, her eyes squeezed shut in a flinch.

_Say it. Ask him. It's not for you, it's not _about_ you… just do it. _"I…" she swallowed "I need help." Her voice cracked, scraping from her throat in a thin whisper.

He nodded, his mouth open slightly. He reached down to grab the dog by it's collar, and moved aside. _It looks the same. _The hall was lit, welcoming, with the same old wallpaper on the walls and the same worn carpet on the floor.

"Come in." Arnold smiled, but it did nothing to cover the concern and pity in his eyes. "Are you hungry?" His voice was gentle, just like she remembered. She hesitated, glancing back to her car, reassuring herself that it was still there. _That she is still there._

"I… I can't…" She swallowed. Her hands were shaking at her sides, her keys jingling. Arnold frowned.

"Helga, you need to come in. You look like you're about to pass out." His hand reached out, but she couldn't take it, not yet.

"My daughter's in the car."


	2. Grasp

It took a second for Helga to remember where she was. She had the most surreal feeling that she was a child again. Old smells: dusty sheets and sun-warmed curtains, she sniffed the air. She opened her eyes. Striped wallpaper, an old dresser, the blankets on the other side of the bed thrown back, the sheets empty.

Her heart leaped into her throat. She was at Arnold's, she remembered, but _where was Nina?_

She threw back the covers, covered the floor between the bed and the door on bare feet. A wooden chair had been moved next to the door… _so she could reach the handle. _Helga bit her lip, praying that her daughter was safe. She tried to swallow her fear. _She's fine, everything's ok, she's fine… _She opened the door and stuck her head out into the hallway, listening.

A giggle reached her ears, instantly quelling the panic that had been tearing at her throat. _She's here. _She threw on some clothes, pulled her hair into a ponytail , and rushed downstairs, padding quietly down the stairs and stopping just outside the kitchen.

"I'm sure she is, but she's already had her breakfast."

Relief flooded through her, Arnold was here, Nina was safe. She leaned against the wall, listening to her daughter's high-pitched little voice.

"I bet Lucy would like a strawberry."

Arnold chucked. "She probably would. Do you like strawberries?"

She could hear cutlery scraping on a plate, smell bacon and toast. "mmm-hmmm" Helga could almost see Nina's little head nodding in reply, her cheeks full of food.

"Your Mum's allergic to strawberries." _How on earth did he remember that?_

She could hear Nina swallow, her squeaky little voice all breathless. "I know, but I'm not. Daddy's not either, we like strawberries. We used to get the fat ones from the markets on the weekend, but Daddy made Mummy eat some once and she got sick… we didn't get strawberries after that."

Helga's heart thumped. How did she remember that? How did… her throat felt thick. What had she subjected her daughter to? She knew she should step in, interrupt… she didn't want Arnold knowing this shit. But she was frozen.

"Yeah?" Arnold's voice was hesitant. "Well, how about I get some strawberries for dessert tonight, and we can make sure your mum doesn't have any."

"She'd get sick if she ate strawberries." Nina agreed, "Mummy likes oranges and pineapple though. We could get Mummy a pineapple for dessert, so she isn't left out."

Another chuckle. "We can do that. I like pineapple too."

"Me too!" Helga could hear the joy in her daughter's voice. Her heart cramped, she found herself putting one foot in front of the other, moving to stand in the doorway.

"Morning." She smiled, her eyes on her daughter. _She looks bigger. _She was sitting at the breakfast table, cushions piled up under her so she could reach her breakfast, her skinny little legs dangling above the floor.

"Morning Mummy!" Nina cheered, waving her fork in the air in greeting. "Arnold made me French toast! But he made the bananas cooked… I'm not sure if I like it yet. Lucy likes it."

_Lucy? _Helga's eyes followed Nina's other hand to where it rested on the head of the moth-eaten dog that had been at the door the night before. Her eyes flicked to Arnold, leaning against the bench, watching them. He smiled at her as their eyes met. She tried to smile back.

"Spoilt!" She crossed over to Nina and put a hand on her daughter's head. Her fine brown hair was a mess, knotted at the back where she had slept on it. She had obviously dressed herself. She was wearing her favourite pink jeans and her blue Superman jumper. Her big brown eyes turned up to her, her little jaw working, cheeks full of food.

_I'm so sorry. _"Did you say thank you?"

The little girl nodded.

"She did." Helga jumped at Arnold's voice, right behind her. He reached past them, placing a small glass of juice at Nina's plate. "Coffee?" He offered.

She accepted the coffee and leaned against the bench with Arnold, watching Nina as she finished her breakfast and climbed down onto the floor to play with the dog.

"She's beautiful, Helga." Arnold said simply, not turning to look at her, but letting her talk without having eyes on her.

_I hope I haven't ruined her_. Helga just chewed at her lip, her stomach threatening to heave, she was wound so tight. Nina and the dog were wrestling, the dog on it's back, wriggling as the girl patted her belly.

"What happened?" He asked gently, his voice so soft, so caring… she could have closed her eyes and been transported back a decade. But she kept her gaze on her daughter.

She took a deep breath. She knew this would come, that she would have to explain. She ignored the shame, she owed Arnold the truth. Keeping her voice soft, she sighed, "Mark, her father, hit me."

"I figured…" His voice was heavy, "…was this the first time?"

The shame burned hotter. "No." She gripped the edge of the bench, steadying herself. "It was the first time he did it in front of her… She… She wasn't upset. I mean… she was upset, but she wasn't surprised, she knew to keep quiet." Helga swallowed, a lump in her throat, tears pricking at her eyes. She blinked. "I thought I had shielded her from it, but I hadn't." She shrugged.

"But you left him." Arnold's hand moved over hers, squeezing her fingers gently before moving quickly away. "You can stay here as long as you need to, you know."

Helga gaped. She had been expecting more questions. Why had she chosen _Arnold _of all people, to turn to? Had she been in touch with her parents? What was she going to do now? Did she have any way of supporting herself, let alone her daughter? Was Mark going to come after them?

"I have some money." She breathed. She had taken half of the savings, a few thousand dollars. Enough to last them until she got a job… she hoped.

Arnold chuckled. "I'm not going to turn you out into the street, Helga." He turned, rinsed out his coffee cup. "I swapped a shift at work, so I could have the day off. I can take you wherever you need to go, to start getting things sorted."

Helga blinked. What kind of things? "What… what kind of things?"

He took the cup from her hands and rinsed it, putting next to his on the sink. "I figured you'd want to lay a complaint with the police, maybe see a lawyer."

She baulked. "I can't afford a lawyer." She hadn't even thought about the police. She knew he was right. She had to get the bruises on her face and arm documented, to build her case if Mark tried to get custody. She should try get a restraining order, to keep them safe.

"I know someone. She does a lot of pro bono work." Arnold shuffled. "I hope you don't mind. I called her this morning. She said that if you're comfortable with using her, she will take care of everything for you, free of charge."

Helga turned to him then. Her hand came up to her throat. She felt too much. Ashamed, grateful, tired, scared, excited. "Why?" She asked.

"Because she's Phoebe." Arnold smiled. A mix of terror and gratitude battled in her stomach. She had no idea what to say. She needed to take the help, but her nature, the side of her that pushed others away, was tugging at her, reminding her that it still lived.

She looked at Nina, giggling as the dog flattened its belly to the floor, licking at the girls face. She had to accept the help. She felt a tear escape onto her cheek and brushed it quickly away with the back of her hand. Why cry tears now?

… … … … … … …

"Hi guys. How'd it go?" Arnold looked up from where he was sitting with Nina, a massive ice-cream sundae almost completely annihilated between them.

Helga shrugged, smiled. She could barely remember the past few hours. Arnold had dropped her off at Phoebe's office, offering to take care of Nina while Helga got her shit sorted… but she was no nervous, so anxious, that she almost felt like she was drunk. A tight kind of tension squeezed the back of her neck. She felt like her brain was stuffed with cotton wool, muffling everything that was going on around her, before it could get to her brain.

She tried to pull herself together. She tried to concentrate on her daughter… all that ice cream was going to turn Nina into a sugar-fuelled monster. But she looked happy, snuggled in under Arnold's arm in a way she had never done with her father. _Please don't get too attached sweetheart. _She hated to break Nina's heart when they moved away, when Arnold couldn't be the father the little girl needed.

"Hi, Nina!" Phoebe sat down in the booth, scooting over to make room for Helga. "I'm Phoebe. I knew your Mum when we were even younger than you!" Phoebe leaned over the table, smiling, enthralled in the little girl who looked so much like Helga, yet so different.

Nina nodded. "You're Mummy's best friend. She says you're the smartest person in the world."

Phoebe beamed. "Well, your Mum says that _you're _the smartest little girl in the world, so maybe I have some competition!"

Nina considered that for a moment, before offering Phoebe her spoon, her fingers covered in chocolate sauce. "Want some of our ice-cream?"

To her credit, Phoebe didn't even flinch. She graciously accepted the filthy spoon from Nina's sticky little fist and helped herself to a generous dollop of half-melted ice-cream. "Mmmmmm-mmmm." She licked her lips as she handed the spoon back to Nina. "Yum! Thank you!"

Nina giggled, remembered her manners. "My pleasure. I played the horse riding game!" She exclaimed, turning excitedly to her mother. "I won! The horses are too little for Arnold, he almost fell off!" She giggled again, spooning more sugar into her mouth.

Helga swallowed. Mark had never taken Nina out, never played games with her or made her giggle… "Thanks for looking after her, Arnold." She forced another smile. She was tired, all she wanted to do was curl herself around Nina and go to sleep. She needed a coffee.

"No problem, she's perfectly behaved, aren't you?" Nina nodded solemnly as Arnold tugged playfully at her ponytail. Helga's heart heaved.

_Don't! _She wanted to scream. _Don't love her! Don't make her love you! _She mentally shook herself. Why was it so hard to see someone be kind to her child?

Her mind whirled as the others chatted. She sat quietly, watching her daughter natter away to her childhood friends. She was wracked with doubts. _Am I doing the right thing?_ Not in leaving Mark, she knew that she should have left earlier… but running back to her hometown? Crawling on her belly to Arnold? Imposing herself on others?

As if he could read her mind, Arnold looked up at her. Even in the middle of her fear and anxiety, she recognised that he was still beautiful. His green eyes were still kind, he still smiled easily. _He's still dangerous. _A nasty voice whispered. She repressed a shudder. She couldn't let herself love him again.

'_You OK?' _He mouthed, his eyes concerned. She nodded, tried to smile. He frowned.

"Well, guys, we have a big afternoon ahead of us, yeah?" He moved to slide out of the booth seat. Phoebe hugged them all goodbye, making Helga promise to get in touch, and went back to her office, leaving her, Nina and Arnold to walk back to the Packard.

"Strawberries?" Nina asked, dancing down the pavement.

"Soon, sweetheart." Helga sighed, wishing again that she could just go to bed. "I need you to be a good girl again for a while, but then we'll get strawberries, and go back to Arnold's."

"Is Arnold coming with us?"

Helga looked up at him, he nodded, smiling. "I sure am." He grinned.

"Where are we going?" Her little feet danced between the cracks in the concrete. Her cheeks were flushed, her eyes huge. She was in the midst of a massive sugar high. Helga fretted, she was going to crash, and when she did, it could be massive.

"We're going to meet a policeman!" Helga chirped, trying in vain to force the nervous edge from her voice.

Nina stopped at that, turning her eyes up to regard her mother. _She has my eyes. _They were brown, instead of blue, but they were hers. Large, round, with thick eyebrows. Her heart ached.

"Are you going to tell on Daddy?" She asked.

Helga baulked. She needed to tell Nina the truth, to make her understand that they were never going home… but the words stuck in her throat.

She didn't know what to say. How can you tell your four-year-old daughter that her father was a beast? She swallowed, stared. Nodded.

Arnold crouched down, sitting back on his heels so that he was face to face with Helga's small daughter. He smiled. "Did your Daddy do something bad?" He asked, his voice soft.

Nina looked up at Helga, questioning, then back to Arnold. "He hit Mummy." She declared. "You aren't supposed to hit."

Arnold nodded. "Who would you tell if someone hit you?"

Nina thought for a second. "Mummy. Or Suzie if I was at school."

Arnold grinned. "Right! And who do adults tell if they get hit?"

She thought again. "A policeman?"

He nodded. "You're very clever." He patted her head. "So we just have to wait for your Mum to talk to a policeman, and we can get strawberries and go home."

_Home._

Nina nodded. "Can Lucy have a strawberry?"

Arnold laughed. "Just one."

"And a pineapple for Mummy?"

"Of course."

"OK." She reached up and took Arnold's hand, happy again, a little smear of chocolate sauce still on her chin.

Helga just tried to hold herself together.


	3. Lean

**Thanks for the nice things that have (already) been said about my story!**

**I do have another one on the go at the moment (Finding Your Feet) but I need a break from that, I'm not sure exactly where it's going.**

**So, yeah… thanks! R&R!**

… … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … … …

Helga stroked Nina's fine brown hair, watching her daughter's face, smooth and blank in sleep. Her little girl had crashed something fierce, ending up in tears at the police station, sobbing into the front of Arnold's shirt while Helga tried desperately to rush her statement.

But now, in sleep, she looked like a fat little cherub, perfect.

Helga sighed, stood, kicked off her shoes. She should go down and help with the dishes or something. She left the dog, Lucy, curled up on the mat next to the bed, left the bedroom door open a crack.

"In here." Arnold called from the front room as she padded down the stairs. She peered around the edge of the doorway. He waved towards the full glass and bottle of wine that perched on the coffee table. "I can't pronounce it… but it's quite nice." He was in an armchair, his feet stretched out onto the coffee table, his eyes closed.

She circled the table to sit on the sofa. She leaned forward to get her glass and read the label on the wine bottle. Voigner. "Vee-yon-yay." She drew out the syllables for him. "My favourite."

"How fortuitous." He smiled, taking a sip. "My girlfriend got it from her boss, but wine gives her headaches, so she gave it to me." He took another sip. "She'll be glad it went to someone who appreciates it."

Helga swallowed. _Girlfriend? _Her heart sank, despite herself. She could slap herself. _What did you think was going to happen, Pataki? He isn't your prince charming, come to rescue you from a life of drudgery._

"Girlfriend aye? You dark horse you. Anyone I know?"

Arnold chuckled. "I don't think so. She moved here from Cincinnati. Her name's Rose, she's a nurse."

"How long have you been together?"

He pondered for a second. "Six months or so? She came into work, dropping off a cat when one of her patients became too sick to look after it." He shrugged. "I was supposed to see her tonight, but in light of recent developments, we rescheduled." He opened his eyes a crack, grinned.

"And now I'm sitting here, drinking her wine." Helga groaned. She drew her feet up onto the sofa, leaned into the cushion. "Thank you, Arnold. You didn't need to do that. You didn't need to do _any _of the things you've done for us."

"What can I say... I'm a sucker for a damsel in distress." He took another sip. "Sorry you haven't met any more of the boarders. Amy's a sweetheart though, isn't she?"

Helga nodded. The little brunette she had briefly met the night before was lovely, friendly… loud. She reminded Helga of Rachael Ray.

He nodded. "Well, there's also Tania and Dave, and Greg. You'll meet them all in time. They're a pretty eclectic bunch. We try to get together for dinner Friday nights, but more often than not, someone's missing."

Helga nodded. "I hope Nina doesn't get under their feet too much." She sighed. "I'm sorry, I know that you don't take kids… I… I just…" She stuttered to a stop, tongue-tied. She didn't have words to tell Arnold just how much she appreciated what he was doing for her, and how sorry she was.

"Don't mention in. She's a good kid, Helga. And I meant it when I said you can stay here for as long as you like. Move in. You'll be as safe here as you would be anywhere else… safer, with Lucy around."

"I… I couldn't…" Helga faltered. _Live at the Sunset Arms? _She closed her eyes, tried to picture it. Nina would be starting school soon. She could go to the same schools that Helga had gone to. Was Mr Simmons still at PS118? Could she be happy at the boarding house? She'd need to rent two rooms, realistically. Nina wouldn't want to sleep in the same bed as her mother forever. Did Arnold even have another room spare?

She sighed. "I dunno, Arnold. I thought I should probably get a place just for us. I'm already imposing and…"

"… You aren't imposing!" Arnold groaned. "This is a _boarding house. _It's where people come to live. I grew up here, Helga. I know it's a good place." He sighed. "I mean, if you _don't _want to live here, obviously, that's fine… but if you just feel awkward or something, then stop being stupid and just unpack your bags." He sighed again, leaned forward. His green eyes did something strange to Helga's chest. Nostalgia clenched at her heart.

He caught her gaze, held it. "Sorry. I know you're going through a lot. You don't have to make a decision now, or even soon. Just stay till everything blows over, OK? Then leave if you want. But if this _Mark _guy decides to go crazy, at least I'll know where you are, and that you and Nina are safe."

Helga forced her fingers to loosen their grip on the stem of her wine glass before it snapped. She took another sip and sighed, dangerously close to tears. "You haven't changed."

He smiled at that. "I'll take that as a yes." He reached forward, refilled his glass. "Want another?" He filled hers again too when she held it out to him. "You _have _changed." He mused. "Was it OK with Phoebe?"

She closed her eyes, let her head fall back against the sofa, and sighed. "It was… stressful. I don't know what I'm doing." The wine was having an effect on her, relaxing her a little. She was exhausted, so tired her bones felt heavy. The weight of responsibility was pressing on her.

"I'll help as much as I can." Arnold softly declared.

"You're already doing too much." She breathed in return.

There was a breath, a pause.

"Can I ask… what happened? After you moved away?" Arnold's voice was low, smooth. That husky kind of quality it had as a kid had deepened as he had grown up.

She thought for a second, organising her life inside her head. "I went to Berkeley, full scholarship and everything. I was topping my classes, too, before I got pregnant." She sighed. "Mark and I were dating for about a year before I got knocked up… I didn't… I was planning on having an abortion, but I just couldn't bring myself to do it…" she trailed off. She could feel her cheeks reddening, growing warm as the shame of her wasted life crept up on her.

"I'm glad you didn't…" Arnold murmured. "She looks just like you."

Helga shrugged. "She has her fathers colouring…" Nina really was just a smaller, darker version of her mother.

"Did you finish university?"

She shook her head. "I got three years into a four year degree. Nina was due two months into my last year, so I just never went back." She thought back to that time. "Mark said he would make it work, that I could go back and finish my degree the next year… but after a few months, I knew that would never happen."

Why was she saying so much? Why was she admitting so much to Arnold? To this man that she barely knew?

"What's he like?" Helga took another sip of her wine while he thought about her answer… surprising herself when the glass turned dry beneath her lips. She hadn't had more than one glass of wine in a long time… she could feel her feet tingling, her neck softening as she relaxed into the sofa cushions. She felt like she could have fallen asleep.

"He was amazing at first. Kind of reckless, dangerous… you know the type." She smiled. "He pursued me… he _protected _me." She paused. She had been so happy when such a handsome, desirable man had taken such an interest in her. "I didn't know any better… No one had ever wanted me before… no one had ever gotten jealous over me. Y'know?"

"But he was violent?"

"Not at first. Not towards me, anyway. He would get aggressive towards guys that tried to pay me attention… and then he started getting jealous of my girlfriends…" she stuttered into silence. She had lost everyone… she had no friends by the time Nina was 6 months old. Everyone had turned their backs on her. Not that she could blame them… Mark was so volatile. But she had been so lonely…

"Does he… know where you are?" His voice was closer, she opened her eyes a crack to watch him pour the last of the wine evenly between their glasses. He put the bottle down on the coffee table with a _clink._

Helga shook her head. "Thanks." She took a sip of her wine. "No… he probably thinks I'm at Miriam's." she smiled. "I threw my cellphone out the car window, so no one can reach me anyway."

He laughed. "I'm surprised you didn't just keep driving… nomads, living on the road…"

She opened an eyes, unsure if he was being sarcastic or not, but the smile on his face was wide, genuine. "Tempting…" she smiled. "But the Honda isn't big enough to sleep in."

He snorted a little with laughter. She sighed.

"So, Arnold… what have _you _been doing for the past seven years?"

"Working at the shelter."

"The same one?" Helga gaped. Arnold had gotten a part-time job at the local animal shelter while they were still at school.

"Yup." She could hear the smile in his voice. "I've done some basic management and animal husbandry courses… but I love my job. I get to do real good."

Despite herself, Helga laughed. She sat forward, opened her eyes. "You really haven't changed, have you?"

He grinned, shrugged. "Maybe not. Is that a bad thing?" He was teasing her. His green eyes crinkled up when he smiled.

She cringed… a sudden, vulnerable instinct clenched in her stomach. She didn't have time to figure it out, what the uncomfortable twinge of fear in her heart meant, before a high, timorous wail drifted down the stairs.

"_Muuuuuum."_

Helga stood, instantly on edge. "Duty calls." She tried to smile, before making her way out of the room and up the stairs, as quickly as she could without breaking into a run…

"Shhhhh, shush sweetheart… it's OK… it's OK…" Helga cradled the little girl on her lap, Nina's hair sticky with sweat. Her tiny fists clutched at Helga's top, tears leaked from her eyes. She was gasping, gulping as she sobbed. Helga clutched Nina to her chest. It hurt when her daughter cried like this, it hurt to see her in pain. She stroked the girl's hair, spoke to her in a low, soothing voice.

"Mummy's here… I'm here sweetheart… It's OK… I won't let anything hurt you…" she hummed, rocking back and forth until Nina quietened, her sobs fading to a whimper, her whimper trailing off until she dropped back to sleep, her dark lashes fanning her cheeks.

She tucked Nina back under the sheets, patted the dog on the head. Poor old mutt had stood next to the bed, agitated while Nina had been crying. Moving quietly around the room, she got undressed, changed into a pair of men's pyjama's and went out to brush her teeth.

"Hey." She jumped as Arnold came in behind her, picking his toothbrush from the rack on the wall, and squeezing a modest spread of toothpaste onto the bristles. "Nina OK?"

Helga just nodded, acutely aware that she was in pyjama's, that her mouth was ringed in foam.

She quickly finished brushing and rinsed her brush off. "Nite, Arnold." she tried to smile before dashing back to the bedroom. She felt suddenly shy, nervous…

_Be careful. _She scolded herself.


	4. Steep

"Are you sure you're alright?" Phoebe's small upturned face was full of concern. "I'm sorry I can't come in…"

Helga waved a hand "Yeah, yeah… I'm fine." She smiled, "Thanks for all your help, Phoebes… I…" she smiled again, a little shakily this time. _What did I do to deserve such amazing friends?_

Phoebe just grinned and reached up to give the taller woman a hug. "Give the little one a kiss for me." Phoebe demanded in her soft voice before making her way down the steps and into her car.

Helga waved her goodbye, taking a moment to catch her breath. _What a day._ She unlocked the front door.

"MUMMY!" Helga's heart flipped when Nina poked her head around the doorframe into the hallway. "Come look what we made!"

Helga groaned a little inside. She was glad to be home, happy to be with her daughter, but she just wanted a few moments to unwind, a little time to herself.

Pushing that thought to the back of her mind, she dutifully made her way into the lounge… except the lounge had been transformed. Blankets and sheets were suspended over the furniture, the big sofa had been tipped forward so that it made a kind of awning…

"In here!" Nina's grinning face emerged from between a gap in the blankets, before disappearing again. Despite her lethargy, Helga laughed. Dropping to her hands and knees, she discarded her bag on the floor and crawled into the fort.

"Welcome!" Arnold grinned from where he was sprawled on cushions, surrounded by Nina's books. They had piled up seemingly every cushion and pillow in the house, creating rooms and alcoves in the low space. The dog was wriggling, excited that there was another person home. The light that filtered through the blankets was muted, soft. It was… _magical. _"Come, pull up a pillow. We were just about to find out what happened when George's parents got home." He held up a dog-eared copy of _George's marvellous medicine._

Helga grinned. "I love that book." She manoeuvred her way around the small space, wedged herself in a corner of the sofa, kicked off her shoes.

"Wanna drink, Mum?" Nina wriggled up against her, held out a plastic bottle of juice. There was a paper label taped to it, with a skull and crossbones drawn crudely on it with purple marker.

Arnold smiled, a crooked kind of smile that he had when he found something genuinely cute, or touching. "It's bootleg liquor… for the pirates den…"

Helga nodded sagely. _They've certainly had a good day. _Gratitude flooded through her… _He's so good to her._ She snuggled back into the sofa, Nina laying heavily on her stomach. Her fingers ran through her daughter's fine hair as Arnold picked up where they had left off. Mr Kranky was getting all excited about the possible uses for George's formula…

She watched Arnold as he read, he did all the voices, pulled the faces, encouraged Nina to react to the story, to laugh and giggle and exclaim… Her heart cramped. _Why couldn't I have had Nina with a man like him? It's so unfair that she can't have a father like Arnold._ She caught that thought, shoved it to the back of her head. She couldn't think like that, that kind of thought was dangerous.

_He is gorgeous though… _She closed her eyes, stopping herself from studying him too closely. It was a futile gesture though, she didn't need to be watching him to see his face. He had grown into his football head, eventually, although he definitely wasn't _conventional_ looking. His wide jaw, soft smile, gentle eyes and perpetually scruffy hair made him look forever… romantic.

She sighed. _Get your shit together, Pataki. You aren't thirteen anymore._ She shuffled deeper into the pillows, concentrated on the story, on her daughter's giggles. It was warm in the fort, and dim, and it smelled good, like dust and incense…

… when she woke up it was quiet. She was disorientated for a second, she wasn't in her bed, and Nina was lying on her. She could tell without looking that her daughter was asleep, she could tell from the softness of her limbs, her even, shallow breathing. Helga opened her eyes… He was there, still, just reading, about a foot away, lounging on the cushions, his legs splayed out in front of him. Lucy was on Nina's leg, her nose twitching as she snored.

The whole situation, waking with her daughter curled into her, in this strange, fairylike nook, with a kind, attractive man sitting protectively over them while they slept… it felt… _good. _It was the kind of muted, intimate moment that she had never had in real life… and although she knew it was wrong -for just a second- she let herself pretend that it was real.

"You're awake." Arnold caught her eye and smiled, that lop sided smile. _Oh shit. _For a split second she was worried he could read her mind, that he could just look at her and tell what she was thinking by the look on her face.

She struggled out from beneath Nina's dead weight. "What's the time?"

"Uh…" he dug his cellphone out from a pocked and checked its little screen. "After seven."

She groaned. "I should get something for dinner…"

Arnold shrugged. "I don't think Nina will wake up, let alone want dinner. She ate pretty much non-stop today."

"How was it today? Was she alright at the shelter?"

"She was perfect, as always." He put his book down, his face suddenly serious, "How was court? Did it all go OK? I didn't want to ask in front of…" he gestured to where Nina lay sprawled on the floor.

Helga nodded, shrugged… confused, upset. "He didn't show…"

Arnold's forehead creased. "He didn't even _turn up?_" he shook his head, stunned, "So the restraining order is automatically granted?"

She nodded.

"Are you OK?"

"Yeah. I… I'm glad I didn't have to put forward a case, or jump through hoops… but… I mean… he's her _father… _and he…" she took a deep breath. "He didn't even give enough of a shit to show his face."

"Helga…" The way he said her name… all soft and low like that. It made her want to cry. _Why is he so nice to me?_ She couldn't understand it.

His soft smile returned. "Put that one to bed, I'll fix us something to eat."

Alarms went off. _Don't… don't get cosy, don't get comfortable… he's not yours._ "You don't have to do that."

"I know I don't." His voice was stern, but he was smiling. "You fell asleep as soon as your head hit the pillow… you're obviously exhausted." He struggled onto his knees, "You OK with Nina?"

Helga nodded. It would take a bit of manoeuvring to get her out of the fort without waking her, but she looked to be dead asleep, in that way kids had… all floppy limbed and open-mouthed.

She didn't wake up. Helga fretted about letting Nina go to sleep without brushing her teeth, but there wasn't much she could do about that… she changed her daughter into a nightshirt and pulled the covers up to her chin. "Ni-nite sweetheart." She leaned over and kissed Nina's temple.

She quickly got changed out of her –now crumpled- formal clothes and chucked on jeans and a sweatshirt. She wanted a shower, or –even better- a _bath. _She couldn't remember the last time she had taken a long, hot bath. She checked her reflection in the mirror. _Eh. Shouldn't have done that. _She looked like shit. Pale and puffy with her eyes ringed in black. _Fuck it. _She stepped into her slippers and slopped down the stairs, leaving the pooch to stand guard at Nina's bedside.

"Wanna watch a movie with me…" Arnold was leaning against the counter, baby-sitting a pot of soup, heating slowly on the stovetop. He looked up, his dimples showing as he smiled "…in the fort?"

She couldn't help but laugh. In some ways, Arnold had never grown up. "Sure. What're we watching?"

He gave the soup a stir and pushed down the toaster. "Uh… I have some horrors I wanted to watch, but if you're not into that…"

"… horrors are good." She smiled. "I haven't watched an R18 movie in ages."

"I'll find us a good gory one then."

_This is perfect. _She couldn't help it… it was. Arnold had pulled his laptop down into the fort, and they sat in the small space, the computer between them, eating soup and toast, with a pot of tea stewing for afterwards. They cringed and laughed and sniped their way through the movie. She sat against her pillows, her knees drawn up to her chest. He _lounged, _with his legs out, apart. She forced herself to keep her eyes off him. _Not mine… not mine not mine not mine._

She was both relieved and disappointed when the end credits started rolling. "Well, that was _awful._" She laughed.

"So, _so _bad." Arnold was chuckling, his hands behind his head, his languid eyes on her. "It's only ten… wanna watch another one?"

She felt suddenly naughty, staying up late to watch movies with a boy… _snap out of it, you're a grown woman. _Her stomach exploded into butterflies. "Keen."

…

It was after midnight by the time she crawled into bed next to Nina.

_That was stupid, Pataki… stupid stupid stupid. _She groaned into her pillow, why did she do this too herself? There was no use in trying to down-play it… she _liked _Arnold. She knew it was stupid, and futile… that it was all probably just nostalgia and gratitude… but she still wanted him.

_How pathetic can you get?_

He was _kind, _that was his thing… that he was being so sweet to her was not a sign of, uh, romantic affections… but she was falling for him anyway. It hadn't yet been a month since she had turned up on his doorstep, and she was already pining over him like a hungry dog. She hated herself for it.

Greg, the youngest of the flatmates, had come home halfway through _The Thing_ and had eagerly joined them in the _awesome fort _to finish watching the movie. To her disgust, she had loathed him for interrupting her _alone time _with Arnold… and now she was thoroughly appalled at herself. She was supposed to be an adult, she was a _mother _for christ's sake. Wasn't she supposed to be over petty crushes and juvenile bullshit?

She watched the blankets rise and fall with her daughter's breath, and made a promise to herself, to her daughter… that she wouldn't fall into her old ways. She wouldn't turn into a nasty, bitter bitch. She would keep all her moony bullshit on the inside, try to get over it, and not let it taint her daughter's life. She had had chosen to live under the same roof as Arnold Shortman, and she wasn't going to let her decisions ruin Nina's life anymore.

So that was that, no more pining. Make a decision and stick to it.

She closed her eyes, pulled the blankets up over her shoulder. Why couldn't she just keep things simple? What was wrong with her? She sighed… she'd been asking herself that for years, and had never found an answer.

Maybe she was just doomed to be fraught.


	5. Long

Helga used the roasting fork to lever the massive chicken out of the roasting dish and onto the serving platter. Chucking the dish onto the stovetop, she turned up two of the elements, waited till the liquid started bubbling, and poured in the mixture of stock and flour that she had waiting in a cup.

"This… smells… amazing." Arnold came in behind her. "Can I get you another drink?" He disappeared into the fridge.

"No thanks, haven't had a chance to touch this one yet." She gestured to where her wine was warming up gently on the bench.

"Can I help?" He asked, shutting the fridge with a bottle of wine in his hand.

"No, thanks. I'll just get the gravy finished, and it's all ready." She stirred the gravy with a fork, "It shouldn't be long. Is Nina OK out there?"

Arnold chuckled. "She's perfect." He grinned, leaning against the counter, watching Helga as she smushed out a lump with her fork. "Her and Phoebe have dismantled the lounge for a rousing game of _spin till you wanna puke_."

Helga managed to groan and laugh simultaneously. "Oh god, sorry."

"No need to apologise. You want me to take the chicken out for you?"

"That would be grand, thanks."

He groaned theatrically as he lifted the platter from the bench. "Are you sure this isn't a turkey?"

"No." she smiled. "I'll be right behind you."

"Roger." He left the room, platter in his hands, wine jammed under his arm.

Helga tasted the gravy. _Not perfect, but it'll do. _She turned off the elements, donned oven mitts, and carefully transferred the liquid into Arnold's grandmother's old gravy boat… well, he claimed it was a gravy boat, but it was the oddest one she had ever seen… shaped like an ugly old high-heeled shoe…

She found herself humming as she took off her apron and patted down her hair. She grinned, grasped the gravy and her tepid wineglass, and made her way into the dining room.

"Oh Helga!" Rose cooed over the table. "It all looks _divine!"_ Coming from anyone else, that would sound patronising… but Arnold's girlfriend, as well as being clever and beautiful, was exceedingly nice. Figured.

She grinned anyway. "Thanks… I hope it tastes as good as it looks, then."

"I'm sure it will… OK, so I might have stolen a potato when no one was looking? It was perfect." The curvy little brunette smiled cheekily.

"We were all looking, you spud-stealing tart." Amy admonished jokingly, a near-empty glass of wine to her lips. They collapsed into giggles, leaning up against each other as they sat side-by-side at the massive table.

"I forgive you." Helga beamed, just as Arnold put his head around the doorframe.

"Ready?" He asked, grinning.

"Ready." Helga confirmed.

Arnold disappeared, and reappeared a minute later with Nina on his shoulders and a line of people in tow.

"It smells amazing!"

"That is the _biggest _fucking chicken I have ever seen!"

"Hey! Dude! Language!"

"Whoops, sorry Nina."

"Is there juice? Mum, can I have a juice?"

"Here, let me get that for you."

"Have we finished that bottle already? I'll go grab another."

"Bring back some beers while you're at it."

"Is that a potato, or a sweet-potato?"

"Oh my god, fresh beans? I haven't had fresh beans in years!"

"Should we be saving room for dessert?"

"Pass the butter?"

"Start carving that bird already!"

"You do it, I always screw it up."

"Shouldn't Arnold do it? Seeing as he's man of the house n' all?"

"He's getting booze, we can't wait… CARVE THAT SHIT UP, YO!"

"Oi! LANGUAGE!"

Helga laughed. The room was teeming with people. All of the flatmates were there, with Amy's boyfriend Jack, and Rose, and Phoebe… She felt decadent, wine was flowing, everyone was talking over the top of each other, there was lots of food, lots of laughter… it felt like a party.

"What part of the bird do you want?"

"It's a chicken, who cares?"

"Can you put some of those spuds on my plate? Thanks."

"The beers aren't completely cold, sorry."

"Ah, Shortman, you've failed us once again."

"We should eat this up on the roof!"

"Yes! Mum! Can we, please?"

"How about we have dessert up there?"

"How about you pour me a glass of the red?"

"How about you show some manners?"

"Oi, don't start eating yet!"

"Ah c'mon, don't stand on ceremony."

"We need to make toasts first!"

"Yeah, toasts!"

"To Helga, for this amazing meal!"

"To Nina, for making it 5 years without breaking a single bone!"

"To Nina!"

"Happy birthday Nina!"

"TO NINA!"

"Oh my god, this gravy is amazing."

"Is that a _shoe?_"

… … …

Helga rummaged through her drawers for something for Phoebe to wear to bed… her friend was drunk, everyone was drunk… Nina was tucked up in her _very own bed_, in her _very own bedroom,_ where Arnold had carried her after she had fallen asleep on his lap. That had sucked… it pulled at her, made her ache, whenever he did things like that… _fatherly _things… and he did them often.

"This should fit." Helga chucked Phoebe a massive T shirt. "Unless you want proper pyjama's or something?"

"Nah, this'll do fine."

They crawled into Helga's bed. "Just like old times." Helga sighed as she clicked off the bedside lamp.

"Kinda… the whole sleeping bag on the floor thing sucked. I much prefer the mattress."

They giggled, reminiscing about their high school days. There was years of gossip for Helga to catch up on… who had done what, who had done _who…_ "I still can't believe you and Gerald never hooked up." Helga yawned, her arms behind her head.

"I can't believe you and _Arnold _never hooked up…" Phoebe's light voice was full of laughter.

Helga snorted. "Touché."

Phoebe sighed. "Seriously though, is it OK, living here?"

Helga freaked a little, she rushed to answer, but it came out sounding… fake. "Yeah, of course! He's a great flatmate, and he, uh, Nina loves him!" Her voice was too high.

Silence.

"Rose seems nice." Phoebe said eventually. Her tone said everything. She understood…

Helga sighed. "She's great…"

"Sucks, huh?"

"So bad." Helga squeezed her eyes shut. She just tried not to think about it most of the time. Nothing good could come from her indulging any of her vaguely psychotic Arnold-obsessions.

"You know you can always stay with me, right?" Phoebe asked softly.

"Yeah… and thanks... but I like it here, despite the occasional, uh, fit of nostalgia… and I'm paying for the rooms, so I don't feel like I'm a charity case."

"How's work going, by the way? I don't think I've asked."

"It's good. I love the bookstore… not too keen on customers though. How's lawyering?"

Phoebe giggled. "Confidential… but good. I'm very busy."

Helga made the appropriate noises of approval and encouragement, and they lapsed into silence. It was nice. Helga had missed Phoebe over the years. They had remained close until _Mark _had come on the scene… but had just kinda fallen back into friendship over the past two months. Helga couldn't be more grateful. Phoebe had done everything that needed to be done in regards to the screwed up Mark situation. She had filled out the paperwork and talked with the police. She had sat in the little interview room with Nina when the little girl has to tell the cops about how _Daddy_ used to hit _Mummy _sometimes (_you aren't supposed to hit!)… _that was all past now, though, and they had just been able to relax since the restraining order went through… now that Phoebe was her friend first, lawyer second.

Helga had no idea what she would have done without Phoebe, or Arnold.

It always came back to Arnold eventually.

"What made you come _here?_" Phoebe asked softly, "I mean…" she trailed off.

Helga had asked herself the same question a hundred times… she had her answer ready. "It seemed like the best place. I mean… I figured he'd be most likely to have the room and Mark wouldn't think of looking for me here."

Phoebe pondered on that for a second. "I suppose that's logical."

Helga squirmed. "OK… I might never have mentioned Arnold to Mark at all…"

"_Never?_" Phoebe sounded shocked.

Helga shrugged, which was kinda stupid, seeing as it was dark. "Mark was jealous enough. You should have heard the spaz he had when I told him about Brainy… I _never_ mentioned Arnold."

Phoebe was silent for a second, her gentle breath barely audible. "I can't imagine how horrible that must have been, having to censor everything you said…"

Helga shrugged again, again, it was stupid. "It's over now."

Phoebes rolled towards her. "Yeah, it is… I'm glad you came back, Helga."

"Me too."

They chatted and gossiped till they started nodding off. Their voices grew lower, slower… they started saying strange, crazy things before collapsing into giggles. These surreal, sleep-deprived nights were something Helga had forgotten about. She had missed them without even realising it.

"You 'sleep?" Phoebe mumbled, Helga realised she'd missed something Phebes had been saying.

"Yeah, droppin' off… sorry." She yawned.

"No mind… 'nite Helga."

"'nite Phebes." They snuggled further under the blankets, facing each other.

"F' what it's worth, Helga… I don't think Arnold, uh…" she yawned "… I think he's noticed you."

Helga's eyes snapped open. "What do you mean?" Her voice was loud in the quiet room.

She could hear the smile in Phoebe's voice. _Damn her. _"I just caught him _looking _at you a few times."

Helga's heart thumped, she was definitely awake now. She swallowed, took a deep breath. "You're mad." She said finally, but she could hear the shakiness, the _hope _in her own voice.

_God you're tragic… grow the fuck up. _She chastised herself.

Phebes just giggled. "Whatever you say…"

_Damn you…_ like she needed any encouragement when it came to mooning over Mr Shortman. She rolled onto her back, staring at the dark ceiling.

It took her a long time to get sleep… she just couldn't stop thinking… _what if?_


	6. Hold

"Muuuum!" Helga spun around, flustered, a peanut-butter smeared knife brandished in her hand. Nina's round face stared up at her, anxious. "Where's my green ribbon?"

Helga couldn't help but smile, Nina was trying _so hard _to look pretty for her first day of school. "I think it's tied to Lucy's basket, remember?"

Nina didn't even reply, but raced off, her socked feet sliding over the smooth floor. Helga considered telling her to slow down, lest she break her face on the corner of the table or something, but telling her off wouldn't help the morning be any less hectic.

"Need a hand with anything?" Arnold slung his bag down on the breakfast table and peered over Helga's shoulder.

Helga glanced around the kitchen. "No, thanks… I think I have everything sorted."

He chuckled. "You know your shirt's inside out, yeah?"

Helga looked down, sure enough, raw seams showed at her side. "Well, fuck." She sighed, slapping the peanut butter down onto the bread with a grimace. Arnold laughed again… stupid little twerp was always laughing about something, sometimes she thought he was broken, that he has a switch somewhere that was stuck on _happy_.

"Morning Helga." Rose appeared from nowhere._ I should go get my hearing checked. _People always seemed to be sneaking up on her in this place.

"Morning!" Helga tried her best to sound cheerful. Having the both of them there, with their perpetual _chirpiness_, made her feel like a real life Oscar The Grouch, who happened to be Nina's latest favourite TV character. "There's coffee in the pot."

Rose beamed, of course… "Thanks, but I should get going, I have to swing past home on the way to work."

"Alrighty, see you, Rose."

"Bye, Helga… walk me to the door, Arnold?"

Helga didn't have to be watching them to know what the scene behind her looked like. He'd have that moony look on his face, his eyes heavy-lidded, that smile on his lips… "Sure." His voice was low, he was probably sliding his fingers around hers, following her out to the front door, where they'd make out for five minutes before she finally left.

_Lucky bitch. _

She slammed the slices of bread together and cut them in half with a vicious carve of the bread knife (_diagonally, of course). _Her ears pricked up as the front door shut. _Gone already?_ Rose must really have been in a hurry. _What's to bet they spent too long having morning sex. _Helga sighed… she tried to be angry, but she just felt harried.

Rose was one of those people who looked amazing first thing in the morning… they'd bumped into each other in the hall enough times for Helga to know. Helga, with her scraggly hair, in her ratty old pyjamas, which hid the stretch marks on her belly, her less-than-perfect boobs… whereas Rose wandered round in one of Arnold's long T shirts, her hair looking perfectly tousled, her obviously bra-less tits bouncing… Helga tried so hard to hate her, but she was old enough to know she was just hopelessly, seethingly jealous…

"Am I still taking you guys in?" Arnold was leaning against the doorframe, watching her pack Nina's lunch.

"Uh, if you want to…" Helga couldn't meet his eye, she already hated herself for her spiteful thoughts.

She jammed the sandwiches into Nina's dinosaur lunch box, checking one last time that there was enough food for the day before she clicked it shut. She shoved the lunchbox into Nina's favourite Star Wars backpack, which was hanging over the back of one of the chairs, and dashed upstairs to put her top on properly.

"Hey, Helga!" Amy poked her head out from her bedroom. "Nina's first day today, yeah?"

"If we ever manage to make it out the front door." Helga rolled her eyes dramatically. She preferred Amy's company to Rose's… Amy was a lot more, flawed, she didn't make Helga feel so inadequate. That, and Amy had the filthiest mind _ever _after she'd downed a couple of drinks. She sometimes even rendered Greg speechless… and Greg was a total pervert.

"Cool, just lemme put some pants on, and I'll come take some shots, OK?"

_Oh god, photographs. _Helga had completely forgotten. Sure, she wanted pictures of Nina on her first day, but she just _knew _she would be pressured into stepping in front of the lens. Still… she couldn't say no, could she? "Yeah, we'll be here a few more minutes." She made her way back down the stairs.

"_I can't do it!" _

_Uh-oh. _Nina's voice had that high, tremulous sound to it… she was getting freaked out. Helga dashed into the kitchen, but she needn't have worried, Arnold was already to the rescue, _as always_.

_Am I PMS-ing or what? What's my fucking problem today?_

"It's OK, don't worry about it." Arnold was sitting on the floor in front Nina's outstretched leg, his fingers deftly tying her shoelaces into perfect bunny-ears.

"But I _know how _to tie my shoes!" Nina looked distraught, her eyes trained on Arnolds face, one hand balled into a fist, the other tugging furiously at one of Lucy's moth-eaten ears. She wanted to be perfect for her first day, she was a _big girl _now, and big girls knew how to tie their shoelaces.

Arnold finished the second shoe and let her foot go, patting the top of her foot comfortingly. "Sometimes people just forget things, when they're excited or nervous, or scared." His voice was so low, so… soothing. Helga sighed. This morning hadn't been the biggest success so far, and it wasn't fair on Nina… this was her day.

"Hey Button, find your ribbon?" Helga moved across the kitchen and crouched down, dropping back on her heels to get face-to-face with her daughter.

Nina nodded, _nod nod_, her eyes large, her mouth open slightly.

"Want me to put your hair up?"

_Nod nod._

"Did you bring your hairbrush?"

_Nod. _She pointed to where it lay on the breakfast table.

Helga loved doing Nina's hair. It was so fine, so soft… it felt like kitten fur, or duck down, under her fingers.

"Another coffee?" Arnold moved around the kitchen, made himself some toast.

"That would be great, thanks."

He put the mug down by her elbow and sat in the chair facing Nina. "Did you know that your mum used to wear a ribbon in her hair, too?"

_Nod nod._

He smiled. "Do you know what colour it was?"

_Nod, _"Pink." Her voice was quiet, timid. _She's scared._

Arnold's smile grew wider. "Yep! She wore that ribbon till we were in high school."

He looked up, met her gaze. _Fuck. Fuck fuck fuck. _Her stomach flipped. _Why does he do this to me? _

"How old's high school?" Nina looked entranced, the thought of wearing the same ribbon for years had her mesmerised.

"Thirteen."

Nina didn't have an answer to that, she just gaped. As far as she was concerned, to be thirteen years old was to attain a god-like status.

"Did you know that your mum, and me, and Phoebe, and a whole bunch of other people, have been friends since our very first day of pre-school?"

Helga snorted, _we were hardly friends. _But the other two ignored her. "So… today could be a really exciting day for you… you might meet your best friend in the whole world, that you'll be best friends with till you're really, really old."

"Old like you and Mummy?" Nina's eyes were so wide her eyes brows almost touched her hairline.

Helga could see Arnold's chin wobble as he tried to contain his laughter. He leaned right forward, his elbows on his knees, and put on his most serious silly face. "_Older._"

She thought about that for a minute, sitting perfectly still while Helga tried to match Arnold's bow-tying perfection. _Eh, good enough. _She patted Nina on the head. "All done, Sweetheart."

Nina twisted around in her seat to look up at her. "Is Phoebe your best friend, Mummy?" She had a deeply thoughtful look on her face. _Fuck she's cute… how did I have such a beautiful, amazing child?_

She nodded. "She sure is."

"Can you have more than one best friend?" Her little eyebrows were drawn together in thought.

"I think so."

"Is Arnold your best friend too?"

Behind Nina, Arnold chuckled. Helga tried not to stammer… _what the hell am I supposed to say to that?_ "Uh… he's a very good friend, yes."

"But not your best friend?"

"Uh…" Helga glanced up at him, lost for words. _OK, so she might be clever, but she has lots to learn about social niceties._

"My best friend's called Gerald." Arnold stepped in, his eyes all crinkled up with laughter. "He doesn't live in Hillwood anymore though."

_Nod nod. _"Do you miss him?"

"Very much."

"Photos!" Helga could have kissed Amy for such a timely interruption… although a few seconds earlier would have been appreciated. In her trademark whirlwind style she breezed through the kitchen and flung open the outside door. "Outside, the light's better out there." She demanded. Nina obeyed, with Lucy at her heels.

Helga and Arnold stood in the doorway, their shoulders brushing up against each other as they watched Amy pose Nina around the back yard. She teased and joked and giggled, and ended up having Nina so hyped up she was jumping up and down with excitement. _Well, at least she's not near tears anymore._ Helga mused, wondering how she'd get the little bundle of exhilaration strapped into her seat.

"Mummy!" Nina reached out her arms. "Photo!"

_How can I resist that? _She trudged out into the yard, conscious that she wasn't wearing make up, that she probably looked like a zombie.

Nina grasped her hand, grinned at the camera while Amy snapped away. "Stand on one foot!" the little girl commanded. Helga complied. "Do Spock fingers!" Helga complied. "Make Chewbacca noises!" Helga tried, but her lack of Wookie prowess had Nina glaring.

"Arnold's Chewbacca is better than yours." She stated, in that painfully blunt way kids had. Helga still laughed though, she _did_ kinda sound like a cat being strangled when she tried to Wookie it up. "Arnold!" Nina held out her hand to him. _Oh god… more playing Happy Families._ She didn't know where to look.

"At your service, 'mam." He didn't hesitate to step out onto the grass. She took his hand. Helga started to slink off, but Nina caught her. "No, Mum, you stay too." She grabbed their legs, pushed and pulled them into position until they were flanking her, all facing the camera. "Chewbacca noises!" She crowed, and made high little rumblings as Amy took the photos, her face beet red with laughing.

"Lift me!" Helga's heart cramped up when Nina turned to face Arnold at that demand… leaving a momentary hole in her chest where her heartbeat should have been… that was the first time Nina had actively chosen someone else over her Mum… She didn't know whether to laugh or cry.

Arnold raised an eyebrow at her as he lifted Nina up, smiling a lop-sided, apologetic smile. "And Mum come here." Nina was so hyped up she was yelling, her squeaky little voice bouncing around the yard. She leaned over and hooked her skinny arm around Helga's neck, and grinned at the camera. "Say CHEESE!" her breath was coming fast as her innocent little actions tugged Helga into an entirely uncomfortable situation.

"Cheese!" They parroted, as Amy snapped the last few shots.

"I think I got everything I need." Amy let her camera dangle from the strap round her neck as she wiped her eyes with the back of her hands. "Jesus, that was funny… _Chewbacca noises!_ I am _so_ doing that next time Jack and I… uh…" she trailed off, realising just in time that she was standing next to a five year old kid.

"Is it school time yet?" Nina bounced around their legs, back to thinking that school was a great adventure, instead of a scary trial.

"It is!" Helga hooked Nina's bag off the chair. "Have you got your jumper?"

Nina ran from the room and returned three seconds later, her Superman jumper clutches her arms. It would look pretty silly with her green dress and mary-janes, but Helga normally let Nina wear what she wanted.

Arnold twirled his keys on his finger. "All set?"

_Nod nod. _Helga gulped down the last of her coffee, now lukewarm.

"Lets go!" He laughed as Nina gave Lucy a kiss goodbye and ran to the front door, waiting, almost quivering with anticipation, for the adults to pick up all their gear and come down the hallway. "Is her seat in my car?" Arnold asked as he hoisted his bag over his shoulder.

"Uh, yeah… I think so. I don't think I took it out after we went shopping."

He just smiled, and for the millionth time that morning, Helga wished that these fleeting moments of domestic bliss were more permanent.

…

"Here." Arnold pushed a handkerchief into her hand. "You OK?"

Helga nodded, humiliated. "Thanks. Sorry, just…" she sniffed "Just keep going. I'll be fine."

Arnold pulled back into traffic. "Big day, huh?" he was using that same tone of voice on her, the low one, the one that said so much without words… that he understood, that it was OK to be scared or sad or confused, or whatever you happened to be feeling. Helga wanted to slap him… she didn't _want _to be pitied and molly coddled. She sighed…

"It's pathetic, I know…"

"… It's not _pathetic!_" Arnold's voice was incredulous, "It's… it's awesome, and… scary." He paused, she could feel him glancing at her as he drove, but she kept her eyes on her knees. She felt _so stupid, _snivelling away just because her little girl had skipped away, happy as Larry with her new teacher, giving Helga the most perfunctory of goodbye hugs… "Helga… I think it's awesome that you _care._" Arnold's voice, soft as it was, still surprised her, she had so quickly become lost in thought.

She took a deep breath, shook herself. "I'm sorry about your hanky, Arnold, I'll…"

"… Hey, Helga, listen for a second?" He smiled, taking the sting out of his words, taking the instinctive fight out of her. "You're a _fantastic _mum…" he glanced at her again, still smiling that little half smile of his. "I don't know if you know it or not, but you are. I'm really… uh… I'm _proud _of you. Nina's a _great _girl, and you can take the credit for that." He sighed, swallowed, like he didn't quite know what he should say. "I just… it's just not pathetic, OK?"

Helga blinked, felt a tear slip onto her cheek. She dabbed at it roughly with Arnold's hanky. "OK." She conceded. Maybe he had a point. She studied the square of fabric in her hands, it was old, soft with a thousand washes, the blue border faded to grey. It was exactly the kind of handkerchief she'd expect him to have. Hell, she wasn't even surprised that he had a _hanky _on him in the first place. It reminded her of his worn flannel shirts and his threadbare towels hanging in the bathroom.

_Oh God._ He made her ache sometimes. She had no idea what to do in the face of such genuine kindness.

"You OK?" He asked, his hand snaked out and patted her knee quickly before returning to the wheel.

"Yeah… I'm… I'm OK." She sighed.

She had always been a pretty good liar.


	7. Slouch

**Hey people! Back to uni this week, so I'll be pretty busy... **

**Here's my DeviantArt... I _tried_ to draw Helga (and Nina)! Check it!**

**.com/gallery/?catpath=scraps**

* * *

><p>"You look like you could use a cigarette." Helga jumped at the low voice rumbling in her ear. She craned her neck to look into the face of the man behind her. <em>Holy shit.<em>

"I… I don't smoke." Her voice came out as a high squeak.

"Good, it's a filthy habit." He smiled. _Oh… shit…_ Helga didn't know where to look. This man was _gorgeous_, in an overt, classic, George Clooney kind of way. Why was he even talking to her? He kept her gaze, his smile growing wider as she just stared at him. "Would you like to keep me company while I indulge? It's the only way I can escape these horrid gatherings without committing some kind of bullshit social faux-pas…"

"Uh…" _what the hell? _"Sure…"

He smiled, offered her his arm. She had _no idea_ what she was supposed to do. Surely he didn't expect her to put her dirty hands on his beautifully tailored shirt? After what felt like an eternity, he raised his eyebrows…_ Oh… _he did, indeed, expect her to put her dirty hands on his beautiful shirt. Well, if wanted to grubby up a perfectly respectful garment, it wasn't her problem.

"Thanks for that." The man sighed as they stepped out onto the grass, away from the hoards of screaming children and their bird-like mothers. "I normally wouldn't worry about the opinions of those women, but if I'm too rude, their incessant bitching will get back to their kids, and then Maddy's life would be hell." He smiled, gestured for Helga to sit on a low bench, cut off from the rest of the throng by a lavender hedge.

"You're Maddy's dad?" Helga choked the question out… the surreal feeling she'd been floating around in all day had just been amplified… she had no idea what was going on.

He nodded as he pulled a pack of cigarettes out of his pocket. "Indeed I am, and you're Nina's mother." He held the pack out to her "Are you sure I can't tempt you?" He smiled, and it was a _nice _looking smile. His teeth were white, even. He must have been at least forty, but he wore it well, better than most people wore their twenties. He was so goddamned _handsome!_

"Positive, thanks." She could feel herself blushing.

He put the pack away, pulled out a gold lighter and lit his cigarette, holding the smoke in his lungs. "So…" he cocked his head to appraise her, "what's it like being the only woman here not wearing a cocktail dress?"

She raised an eyebrow "It's like being sane." She sneered "Who wears high heels to a kids party?"

He laughed. "People with more money than sense."

_I like this guy. _"When I was little, the rich kids were the _minority_."

He shook his head. "When I was little, _rich _meant you could buy store-bought pants." He smiled, stuck out his hand. "I don't think we've been formally introduced, I've Steven."

She was pleasantly surprised by his handshake, firm (nothing worse than a limp handshake) but not bone-crushing. He had to be in business, but not sales… she smiled to herself, analysing a strangers handshake.

"Helga."

"Pleased to meet you, Helga."

"Likewise, Steven."

… … … …

"Arnold Arnold!" Nina was dashing down the hallway as soon as Helga had the front door open.

"Upstairs!" He called down, causing Nina to try make a 180° turn on the fly and collide with Lucy, who had bounded out of the kitchen at the sound of Nina's voice. She was fuelled on sugar though, so she leaped up and kept going like nothing had happened.

Helga followed Nina up the stairs, reaching the top just as Nina reached the door of Arnold's bedroom, hovering in the doorway. "Remember to ask Arnold if he's busy, Sweetheart."

Nina nodded, "Are you busy?" her little face was so earnest, Helga couldn't help but giggle.

Arnold grinned, shut his laptop. "Not at all, come in." He pushed his chair back from his desk as Nina ran up to him, letting her clamber up into his lap. "How'd the party go?" His eyes raised to Helga's at the question, but Nina rushed to answer.

"It was so so awesome! Lana got an Xbox and this big pink tent that goes up _inside!_" She had been so impressed by the idea of an inside tent. "And there was a big cake with white icing and ponies on it, and I got a bag of candy to bring home, see!" She shoved the pink plastic bag dangling from her wrist into Arnold's face.

He laughed. "It sounds like it was _heaps _of fun!" He ruffled her hair, smirking when Helga rolled her eyes.

"I didn't even tell you yet though! My friend Maddy, her Dad talked to Mum and now we're going to Maddy's house to play!"

He was still grinning, the look on his face soft. "Yeah? Are you going right now?"

She shook her head "Mum says next weekend. And Maddy said she'd ask her dad if we can have a sleepover!"

Helga went to protest, no sleep-overs had been discussed with her, but Arnold raised an eyebrow, his eyes flicked to her, smirking, "A sleep-over, huh?"

Nina nodded. "Maddy has her own bunk beds, and a play room! And Tina's mum said that Maddy's dad is a el-ig-able bachelor!"

Helga blinked, stunned, "Uh, Nina sweetheart… you probably shouldn't repeat that." Helga said from the doorway.

She looked confused. "Why not?"

Helga sighed. "_Eligible bachelor _means that a man is single and looking for someone to date."

She frowned. "Is he?"

Arnold made a strange choking noise, like he could hardly contain his laughter "Yeah, _is he?"_

Helga swallowed, careful to keep her eyes off Arnold's face… she could _feel _him watching her. "I don't know, it's not polite to ask… and it's also not polite to talk about people's personal life like that."

"But…" Nina groaned, frustrated. "Tina's mum said it!"

"I know, and you're not in trouble, but if someone told Maddy's dad that people had been talking about him, how do you think that would make him feel?"

Nina thought about it for a second. "Is it _bad _to be el-ig-able?"

Helga shook her head. "No, not at all. It's just that it's very private, and people don't like to have their private things talked about, even if there's nothing wrong with what they do in private."

She must have been bored with the conversation, because instead of playing her normal _why_ game, she just nodded. "OK." Before clambering down and running back out into the hall to play with Lucy.

Helga groaned. "This has been one of the most painful days of my life." She closed her eyes.

Arnold snorted, "Doesn't sound that bad, I mean, you snagged an _eligible bachelor_."

She rolled her eyes, but she felt her cheeks redden. "Har har."

"So, does Maddy's dad have a name?" Arnold's voice was suddenly softer, less mocking. Argh, that made her feel even worse. She was more comfortable with insulting banter than she was with Arnold being _nice _to her because he realised she was embarrassed.

"Steven."

He smiled "Nina's excited about it…" He cleared his throat. Helga just shifted uncomfortably.

"Yeah, Maddy's a good kid." She said lamely. _Why is this so awkward? _"Uh, well, you wanna cuppa tea?"

Arnold turned back to his laptop, flicking the lid up. "No thanks." He typed in his password as Helga turned to leave. "Could you shut the door?"

"Sure." Helga cringed as she closed the door with a _click._

Why did she feel so _guilty? _It made no sense…

She sighed, happy for the day to be nearly over.

She struggled to get Nina fed and bathed, and tucked her into her bed just in time for the last of the sugar to wear off. She only got halfway through the obligatory nightly chapter of Harry Potter before Nina was comatose.

_Thank god. _She was leaning against the kitchen counter, staring blankly at the floor while she waited for the kettle to boil, when there was a knock at the front door. Helga swore to herself. _Where the hell are all the other people who live here? _She didn't feel like talking to any doorstep strangers. She gritted her teeth into a smile before she flung the door open.

"Ah, hi!" Rose beamed at her. _Great… _

"Hey, come in." She stepped back to let the girl in. "I'm just making a cup of tea, you want one?"

"Uh, no, thanks… I'll just, um…" Rose was blushing, _strange. _

"Why hello there." Helga and Rose both turned to see Arnold standing at the top of the stairs, his hair wet, a towel slung low on his skinny hips.

_Fuck._

Her mouth went dry. He smiled down at Rose without even acknowledging that Helga was there. His eyes had that sexy sleepy look to them, his smile was decidedly seductive. _Fuck. _

Rose tittered "Hi…" she dashed up the stairs. "Seeya Helga."

"Seeya."

Well _fuck._ Helga trudged back into the kitchen and made her cup of tea. A deeply heavy feeling settled uncomfortably in her stomach, her eyes itched. She didn't want to go upstairs, so she eked her tea drinking out to twenty minutes, then rinsed her cup and emptied the trash… before she had no more easily executable excuses to stay downstairs… _bugger._

As she passed the door to Arnold's room, she heard the low rumble of Arnold's voice, muffled through the door, and Rose's high giggle. _Great. _She hurried past, fighting the urge to shove her fingers in her ears.

She was so jealous she could hardly stand it. And it wasn't just that she was jealous of Rose for having the guy that she liked (although that was part of it)… she was jealous of _everyone _who had someone.

Sure, she'd only left Mark a few months ago, but their sex life had dropped off after Nina was born, and was basically non-existent by the time she left. But even before then, she hadn't been _close _to anyone since she and Mark first started dating. She hadn't fallen asleep in his arms or been woken up by kisses or even… been given compliments in _years._

She was lonely.

She locked herself in the bathroom, tore her clothes off and flung herself under a long, hot shower. Hopefully they'd be done by the time she was out.

No such luck, if anything, it had gotten worse. Rose was actually _moaning_. Helga's jaw clenched. Arnold's voice rose in a brief exclamation, and Rose moaned louder. Helga had to concentrate to shut the door without slamming it as a surge of sorrow-fuelled anger rose in her throat.

"_Arggggh." _She hissed under her breath, balling her hands into fists. _Why am I such a fucking loser? _She closed her eyes, tried to control her breathing. She threw her towel over the back of the little wooden chair and pulled on her pyjamas.

She curled into a ball under the covers and pulled a pillow over her head. _**fuckfuckfuuuuuck**_. She bit her lip, tried to keep her tears back.

"_What the fuck is wrong with me?_" She whispered to herself, her voice rattling inside her head. "_Why can't I just let it go?"_ She took a deep breath, held it.

_Why does it hurt so much?_


	8. Arch

"The girls have crashed out…" Steven smiled as he tiptoed softly back into the lounge. "… what do you want to do with them?"

Helga yawned, stretched out. She was feeling decidedly sleepy after a lazy day, a large meal and a glass of wine (just the one, she had to drive). "What's the time?"

"After nine." He plopped down on the sofa next to her, close enough that the soft cushions rolled them together to press their thighs up against each other. She swallowed.

"Uh… I have no idea. I should probably take Nina home." She stifled another yawn.

"Leave the sleep-over for another time then?"

Helga blinked… part of her was _screaming _to make some kind of suggestive reply, _depends, can I stay too? _But she was too shy, too cowardly. "Uh…" _Damn._

He smiled, leaning towards her a little, _so close…_ "Maddy's been hounding me all week to have Nina stay the night."

_Oh… that's all he was talking about._ She felt a blush of embarrassment spread over her cheeks. She should have known he was just talking about the kids… she was half his age, for fucks sake! And he was Maddy's dad… she couldn't date the father of her daughters friend… but he was handsome, and kind, and great with his little girl… she sighed.

"I suppose I should get going…" she trailed off… he was _so close_.

"It _is _way past their bedtime." He agreed. _Am I crazy, or does he actually look a little disappointed? _He stood, offered her his hand. _So gentlemanly._

"Hopefully she doesn't wake up." She smiled at him as she put her hand on the doorknob to the hallway "I'll have to be _really _quiet…" _stop blathering._ She scolded herself. She always yammered inane crap when she was trying to cover nervousness.

"Before you do…" he rushed, gently grasping her elbow before she could open the door, "can I ask you…" his voice was low. He cleared his throat, "… can I take you out some time this week?"

_Oh. _So maybe she wasn't crazy. Her breath froze in her chest. She stared at him, her brain having just stuttered to a completely standstill.

He looked nervous, waiting for her reply. Eventually he sighed. "I don't want to be a creepy old man, so it's OK if you don't want to."

She shook her head. "It's not that… I mean… I don't think you're creepy…" Helga forced the words from her throat in a breathy wheeze. She stared a bit longer. "I… uh…" she closed her eyes, took a breath. _Decide what you're going to say and spit it out already! _OK.

"I'm not really looking to date… for a bunch of reasons." _Arnold. _She pushed that thought from her mind as soon as it popped up. _Unhealthy. _She tried to smile apologetically, but she probably just looked crazy. "And you're Maddy's dad… I can't confuse Nina like that, or possibly hurt their friendship." She sighed. "Your age has nothing to do with it."

He nodded. "OK."

They just stood there… so they weren't going to date… they had that sorted… so why did it feel like they were still both waiting for something?

He smiled, leaned up against the doorframe. "I haven't met a woman like you in years."

"And what is a woman like me like?" She tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, watched his eyes as they traced the movement.

His smile widened, he shifted, bringing them closer together. "Intelligent, witty, beautiful…"

_Whoa. _He had leaned in further, his eyes sparkling. She felt her stomach cramp, below her belly button. "So that was a compliment?"

"Plainly." He murmured.

Unsure of what to say, she just blushed.

"Do you want to go get Nina?" His voice was almost a whisper, it was so low. His face was only inches from hers, she could just lean forward…

She shook her head. "Not really."

His eyebrow crooked up, "What would you li…"

She kissed him. She raised herself up tip-toes and pressed her lips against his. _What am I doing? _She briefly wondered if she was going mad, but then his hands grasped her waist, and she forgot to care.

She wrapped her arms around his neck, holding them tight together, his hands slid around, pulling her closer, higher, until her toes dangled above the ground. She could hardly breath, with her mouth on his, his arms crushing her ribs... She _loved it. _

He smelt amazing, of clean linen and expensive aftershave, and just _slightly _of cigarettes. His lips were firm, the stubble on his cheeks scratched at her. Everything about him felt hard and assertive and strangely unapologetic. _He would be amazing in bed. _She whimpered at the thought. She wanted _touch_… she wanted someone's hands on her… she wanted someone to tell her she was beautiful.

Her teeth caught his bottom lip, he groaned. _Oh god. _The noise sent thrills through her. She _loved _the noises men made… she shifted against him, his fingers grasped her tighter.

He pulled away, his cheeks were red, his bottom lip already swollen from her bite. He let her down to the floor, her ribs twinged as he let her go. His eyes ran over her face… "You're beautiful." He murmured, before bending his head and pushing his face to her neck. His lips brushed over her skin, sending chills up her spine. His breath was hot, his fingers were still around her waist, digging into her skin. "You don't want to stay the night?"

_Oh god. _She very much _did _want to stay the night… but something told her it would be a mistake… it was too… couple-y. "I don't think it's the best idea…"

He made a little noise of acquiescence against her skin. "OK." One of his hands slid around, pushing his thumb under the fabric of her T shirt, touching her skin. Her stomach tensed. _It would be so easy to just fall into bed with this man. _

"Sofa?" She voiced the suggestion before she even realised what she was saying.

"Oh god yes." His reply was instant, he slid his hands down to her ass, hefted her up, strode the two steps to the couch and threw her down.

_Fuck. _It felt _so good… _

…

"Mum?" Nina's little eyes fluttered open while Helga clumsily tried to flick on the hall light with her elbow.

"Shush, Sweetheart, I'm here… go back to sleep." But the little girl wriggled in her arms.

"We're home?" Nina's little voice sounded heart-broken. She had so badly wanted to stay the night. _I know the feeling. _Helga sighed.

"Yeah, we're home… but you'll see Maddy again soon, I promise."

Nina's bottom lip stuck out, but her eyelids were already drooping. It was past one o' clock in the morning, Helga _really _needed to get her to bed. Abandoning the light switch she edged gingerly up the stairs, trying desperately not to trip and drop Nina… who had really gotten too big to carry. Helga's arms were aching by the time she got Nina to her room.

She got a nightshirt onto Nina's un-cooperative limbs and pulled the covers up to her chin. She fretted, once again, about Nina having not brushed her teeth… but there wasn't much she could do about it.

She just pulled off her shoes, jeans and bra to go to bed… she wanted to sleep in her t shirt, because –and she knew it was pathetic, but she was alone, so who cares- she wanted to be able to _smell _him… that clean, masculine smell. She grinned to herself, her skin still felt tingly, strangely _full_…

She snuggled up under her blankets, her knees pulled right up. The sheets were cold against her skin, she wriggled around to try warm them up. She wished she weren't alone. It had been _amazing_… she had forgotten what being with someone could feel like.

They hadn't _had sex_, but they had made out, writhing and swearing –well, she swore- like teenagers until they had pulled off each other's tops. He had an amazing body, especially for someone in his forties. His chest was broad, with flat nipples. His chest hair was thick, dark, fanning out from his sternum. It had scraped at her skin, at her bare breasts when he had finally taken her bra off.

He had murmured against her skin, kissing her, telling her she was _beautiful. _She was putty in his hands… but he didn't press her into anything. When he had attempted to un-button her fly, he hadn't gotten mealy-mouthed when she stopped him.

By the time, however, her hand was around him, the head of him pressing against her stomach, his mouth on hers, making _those noises_, she had almost begged him to touch her… and when he had exclaimed at how _sexy _it was that she wasn't shaven or waxed smooth, she felt stupid for being shy in the first place.

"Shit." She groaned… the sheets had just gotten warm, but she had forgotten to brush her teeth… typical. Worry about Nina, completely forget about herself.

She winced as she slid out from the sheets into the cold air. She padded across the hall, not bothering to turn on the light, the streetlamp outside cast enough light in through the window.

_Argh, too much toothpaste, _she grimaced around her brush, scrubbing hard at her back teeth.

"Are you OK?" Helga squealed at the voice, jumping a foot in the air.

Wiping toothpaste from her mouth with the back of her hand, she snarled. "Jesus _Christ _Arnold! Are you _trying _to give me a heart attack?"

She could see his silhouette, faintly outlined in the doorway. He shrugged. "Just getting a glass of water. I didn't hear you come in."

_Shit. The one night I don't wear pyjamas… _She grasped the bottom of her T shirt and tugged it down, trying to cover herself. She knew he'd be able to see a lot more of her at the moment than she could of him, with the light pouring in from outside. She gulped.

"Uh, yeah, I'm fine… to answer your question." She rushed, her voice coming out all scowling and mean. "I'm just brushing my teeth…" she trailed off. Desperate to get out of his sight. She was clutching her toothbrush in her fist like it was a weapon.

He moved forward, she stepped aside to let him get at the sink. He filled his glass, drained it, filled it again. She stood there, like a stunned possum.

"How was the date?" He asked, his voice soft, but wary.

"It wasn't a date." Helga protested, too loudly, too quickly. _Just announce your guilt, why don't you? _She frowned. _What do I have to feel guilty about? _

Helga sighed, her brain was her worst enemy.

"Whatever you say, Helga." His voice was full of reproach, making her cringe. He sighed heavily as he walked to the door. "'nite, Helga."

"Uh, 'nite Arnold." and he was gone. _Thankfully. _She was still standing there, her fist grasping the hem of her T shirt in front of her panties. She finished brushing her teeth and went back to bed.

The sheets had cooled a bit, and she wriggled again to try warm them again… but without the playful glee she had earlier.

She was mortified… Arnold had just seen her pants-less. She didn't even wear a bikini to the beach, and he had just now seen her pasty white, un-toned thighs… and somehow, just being around him had made her feel _guilty _about what she had done with Steven.

She had been so happy… basking in the warm fuzzy afterglow of the first orgasm she'd had with a partner in… ages. But now she just felt dirty… and then felt guilty for feeling dirty, Steven was a good man, he hadn't done anything wrong, _she _hadn't done anything wrong… so why did she feel so bad?

It just wasn't fair.


	9. Turn

"You've been busy." Arnold _sauntered_ into the kitchen.

Helga gulped, she _hated _it when he wandered around without clothes on… OK, so he wasn't naked, but he _was _topless. He even had a sweatshirt in his hand, so _why wasn't he wearing it?_

"They're for tonight." She forced a quick smile before turning back to her icing.

He chuckled "Another date with the silver fox?" She swallowed her sneer… _Screw him, if he's going to be a dick. _She caught a movement in the corner of her eye…

"_Don't you dare._" Helga spun to face him, the spoon in her hand flicking icing on the floor.

He pouted, drawing his hand back from the cupcakes. "Oh c'mon! There's heaps here, and they look _so _good." He flashed her a winning smile.

But Helga shook her head. "I made enough for you guys as well, don't worry, but you can't eat them un-iced! They're _naked!_"

He grinned. "All the best things are…"

Helga blinked. Arnold had been acting weird all week. _Super _friendly, almost flirty one second, then aloof the next… it seemed that flirty Arnold was out to play. She growled. "Leave. Them. Alone." She pointed her spoon at his hand, which was edging to where the cupcakes were cooling.

He threw up his hands in defeat. "_Fine._"

Helga turned back to her icing while Arnold put the kettle on. He made her so _flustered_… and why hadn't he put his top on yet? It was all she could do not to watch him. He had the nicest back… and chest… and that trail of hair that ran down from his navel… and those grooves at his hips…

Damn him… _PUT YOUR FUCKING TOP ON._

She bit the inside of her cheek, furiously mixing the icing. She focussed on getting all the little lumps of butter mixed smoothing into the sugar, and tried not to think about the skin of the guy standing next to her… she sighed with relief when there was a knock at the door.

"That's probably Steven." Helga wiped her hands on a tea towel, "He's early though."

Arnold was already in the hallway, tugging his sweatshirt on as he padded down the hall. _Finally._

"Hi." That was Arnold.

"Is Nina home?" Helga grinned, _that _was Maddy.

Steven laughed. "Sorry about that, she's overcome with excitement. Is Helga in?"

Helga stepped out into the hall, smoothing stray hairs back off her face. She felt suddenly scruffy. Steven caught her eye and smiled. "Hey."

"Hi!" She found herself grinning… blushing almost.

"_Is that Maddy?"_ Nina's squeaky little voice chirped as rapid footsteps pattered on the floor above them. She came pelting down the stairs, her Star Wars bag in her hand. She and Maddy launched into a high-pitched, rapid conversation, Helga put her hand on Nina's head.

"Sorry I'm early, it seems supermarket shopping takes about half as long when Maddy's looking forward to something." Steven smiled, his eyes on hers.

_Phew._ She liked the way he looked at her. It wasn't lecherous, but… sustained.

"That's fine, Nina's been ready to go since breakfast. Do… do you wanna come in and have a tea or something?"

His eyes flicked to where Arnold stood at Helga's shoulder, then back, he smirked. "I'd love to, but I need to get the food into the fridge. We should get going."

Helga nodded. "I'll just get my keys, Nina'll need her seat."

"Come on girls, we're off." He tapped Maddy on the head. "I have an extra seat." He said to Helga. "It's already in the car."

And what a car it was. A massive, sleek, dark grey Jaguar. Helga just stopped herself from letting out a whistle when she saw it_. _She fretted about letting her kid in it, but when Steven opened the door for her, the backseat was littered with colouring books and empty chip packets, just like her shitty Honda.

"It rubs, Mum!" Nina twisted in her seat, craning her neck away from the seatbelt that was sawing at her skin.

"I know sweetheart, I'm just trying to fix it…" There was a slide thing to lower the belt, but she couldn't get it to budge.

"Here, let me." Steven's voice was low in her ear. He reached in quickly and lowered the knob within a second. "Better?" Nina nodded, happy again. He turned to Helga. "There's a trick to it." He said simply, but Helga's brain had shorted out. He was so _close. _Her back was against the open door, his arm on resting on the top of the car, facing her. She smiled, falteringly, and struggled to find something to say.

"So, dinner at seven… is that suitable?" His voice was low, his smile was… suggestive. She nodded. He stepped back. "I'll see you then." The look on his face said it all… she bit her lip, holding in a giggle. It felt good to be _wanted._

… "You better not be touching my cupcakes!" Helga crowed, dancing down the hallway on tiptoes.

"But your cupcakes are just so _enticing!"_ Arnold's voice came mockingly through from the kitchen.

Helga grimaced. She had _no _idea how to react to this aggressive pseudo-flirting. She'd just tried to ignore it so far, but it didn't seem to work. She _knew_ that he was taunting her, and she hated it.

She didn't have to deal with it just then though. "There's a coffee on the bench for you." He grinned before breezing past her and up the stairs.

_He confuses me. _She sighed to herself. She looked at the clock. Ten past eleven in the morning… she had _hours _to herself… it was unthinkable.

She iced the cupcakes as best she could, put half in a container to take to Stevens, and half under a tea-towel for the flatmates. Chores done for the day, she now had hours of uninterrupted alone time… she couldn't have been more excited.

Putting a cupcake on a serviette, she trotted up the stairs and knocked on Arnold's door.

"_Hold up." _His voice was muffled. She waited patiently as he scrambled around.

His door opened. _Topless again._ Helga managed to keep a straight face, managed to keep her eyes above his neck. "Cupcake!" She beamed, presenting the little pink delicacy in her open palm.

He grinned, pushing his shaggy hair out of his face. "Why Helga, you've never called me that before!" His eyes sparkled cheekily as he took the gift from her hand.

"Har har." Helga rolled her eyes.

He just kept grinning, leaning against the doorframe. _Goddamn it!_ She couldn't _not _react to him, all long and lean and… _ARGH. _She could feel her cheeks reddening. "It smells awesome, Pataki."

"It's a bribe." She tried to keep her voice light.

"Yeah? What do you want from me?" The corner of his mouth curled up. _What has gotten into this guy recently?_

"To peruse your bookshelf?"

He stepped back, his smile suddenly genuine. She could have sighed with relief. "Sure, you don't have to bribe me for that!"

She made her way around the room and crouched in front of his low bookshelf. "Any recommendations?"

He sat on the bed just behind her. "Uh, depends. Any particular genre you're into?"

She shook her head. "Nah… it's been so long since I picked up a book that I have no idea what I feel like reading."

He chuckled. "Uh, you work in a bookshop…"

She blushed, pushing her hair back. "Well, yeah… but I _work _while I'm at work. I've looked through some poetry and short stories when it's been quiet, but I don't get the chance to read novels or anything."

"Still into the poetry, huh?" His voice was lower, closer, as he leaned forward.

She nodded. "Always."

"Still writing?"

_How does he remember this shit?_ She gulped. "Nah, no time."

"Pity." He sighed. "Well… if you want to nerd it up, there's the _Song of Ice and Fire_ series, what the _Game of Thrones_ TV show is based off…" He pointed to a row of five thick, dog-eared paperbacks. "The series isn't finished yet."

"Is it hard going?"

Arnold laughed "Yeah, but it's worth it. The third one in particular is so hectic." His hand brushed her shoulder as he leaned forward further, reaching to take a book from the shelf. "These two here are the first in a trilogy, and they're _awesome." _She could hear the smile in his voice. "_The Kingkiller trilogy_, they're really, really good."

"Magic and dragons?" Helga smirked, Arnold had always been a dork.

"Magic and _daemons."_ His correction was stern, but he was laughing. "Seriously though, if you want something easy to read, but still _good_…"

Helga waved a hand. "Yeah, yeah… you've convinced me." She took the book from his fingers. Its pages were worn, the cover bent. "Uh… do you mind if I read this in the tub?" she opened the book, ran her fingers across the text.

"A bath, aye?" Arnold moved back from her. "How decadent of you… yeah, sure. I do it all the time."

She sighed, struggled to her feet, brushed off the seat of her jeans. "Thanks, Shortman. Enjoy the cupcake."

"I will…"

She closed the door behind her and had to resist the urge to swoon against it in a fit of nostalgic melting. _You're an adult, act like it. _She scowled at herself. But she couldn't help it.

She hummed as she ran her bath, throwing in a handful of bath salts that Amy had passed along to her: "_I don't know what Mum was thinking, I _hate _rose-smelling shit." _

She let out a little groan as she stepped into the hot water. _Nothing _beat a bath. She lowered herself in carefully, wincing when the water touched the back of her thighs. She sunk into the water, let her hair fan out, loose around her head…

… "The bathroom smells like girls." Arnold plopped down on the sofa, his thigh pressing against her feet through the blanket he had over her legs. She smiled up at him, perfectly content.

"Is that a good thing?" She peered over the top of the book.

He nodded "Sure… how's the book?"

"Living up to the hype." He was right, it was awesome. Huge though, she had barely made a dent in it.

"Good." He smiled, squeezed her foot through the blanket, making her squeal. "Sorry…" he laughed.

She humphed, snuggled further into the sofa, drew her knees up a bit more. Part of her wanted to tell him to shut up and let her read, but part of her liked having his attention. She watched him pull the bookmark out of the paperback he had brought with him and settle back into the cushions to read.

She relaxed and curled up to focus on her book. _This is nice. _Late autumn sunlight slanted across the floor from the windows. The room stilled, quiet as both her and Arnold immersed themselves in their novels. The world outside the room seemed to disappear, the traffic noise faded to nothing, making Lucy's soft snoring and the rustle of turning pages the only noises in the universe.

"Mmmm, move." Arnold's voice was sleepy. Using one hand, he lifted her feet, and the blanket and shuffled beneath them. He made a little noise. "Hmmm, you're all warm."

_Oh god. _Adrenaline spiked through her. She could feel her body tense, totally unsure of what to do. She was lying on a sofa with Arnold, her feet in his lap - it was her every adolescent fantasy come true… except with more clothing. She wanted to relax, she wanted to be _cool _about it… but she felt like a guilty teenager. She tried to stay still, resisting the urge to press her feet against his legs, to feel the rough denim of his jeans against the skin of her legs…

He shifted, leaned over her. Her back stiffened. _What is he doing? _She turned her eyes to look up at him as he bent over her, a sleepy half-smile on his beautiful mouth. Bracing himself on one hand, he leaned right into her.

"Arnold?" Her voice came out small, shaky. Panic rose in her throat, her hands clenched into fists. _Whatthefuckisgoingon? _His face stopped about an inch from her neck, and with heavy-lidded eyes, he drew in a deep breath.

"I _knew _it was you." His voice was soft. He sat back up, nestled back to his original position. "You smell like roses." He said simply, like he hadn't just turned her into a quivering mess. She turned her eyes back to her page and stared, unblinking, not seeing the words…

She lay there, her stomach churning, while Arnold settled back into his book. _Doesn't he feel that too? No, of course he doesn't… he doesn't see what he does to me… or he wouldn't torture me like that… _

She stared at the page, tried to slow her breathing…

As the thrill of fear subsided, the undertone of… _desire _remained… and as Arnold sat back, unaware of how he _affected_ the girl lying next him, she imagined how it would have felt to arch her back to him, to close the gap between them… she imagined that he wouldn't have baulked, but would have grasped at her ribs, pulled her closer… kissed her.

That soft, warm ache started to build low in her belly…

… "Oh god, Helga… I've been looking forward to this all week." Steven groaned against her skin, pushing up the fabric of her sweater with one hand, while the other held her close.

She whimpered when his hands found her ribs, gripped her skin. She had been waiting for this for hours… for someone to ease her tension. The image of Arnold, his sleepy eyes smiling into hers flashed into her mind… but she pushed the thought away. She didn't want to think, especially about _him_, she just wanted to be _close _to someone. She wanted to lose herself in the mindless stroking of fingers, the sound of breathing…

Her hands found the hem of Steven's shirt, edged it up to run her fingers up the hollow of his spine. Her eyes were closed, her skin aching to have hands against it…

"Just touch me."


	10. Fall

Nina opened her mouth wide, toothpaste foam on her tongue, a gap where she had lost her first tooth the week before. "See?"

Helga laughed. "Yes yes, very good. All clean." she snatched her daughter into her arms and gave her a squeeze. "You look like a muppet when you do that, did you know?"

Nina wriggled in her arms. "Like Kermit?"

"Like Ernie!"

"Noooo!" Nina giggled, pressing her face into her mother's neck. "I don't want crumbs in bed!"

Helga laughed harder, squeezed her tighter for a second, then let her go. "Alright, you wanna go say goodnight to Arnold?"

Nina nodded, leaping about the bathroom on her tip-toes. Helga grimaced, that would be making a huge racket downstairs. "Stop jumping, Love. Go say goodnight."

Nina dashed from the room, her socked feet slipping on the bathroom floor. "Arnold!" she squeaked.

"_Down here, in the kitchen."_

Helga followed Nina from the room, she had to make sure Nina didn't bother Arnold too much... plus, if he was making a pot of tea, she could use a cup.

Nina paused at the top of the stairs, looking back quickly to make sure her mum was following. Satisfied, she launched herself around the corner. "Arnold! Is Lucy allow..."

Helga's heart leaped into her throat as Nina's chatter was cut off with a little scream.

Time seemed to stand still as Helga stepped forward, a rapid strumming of _thumps _ended with a loud, echoing _crunch._ Then silence.

"Nina?" Helga was somehow at the top of the stairs, her lungs heaving as she stared down at her little girl, lying motionless on the floor below. "NINA!"

She was at her daughter's side in a heartbeat, her hands at Nina's face, her fingers checking for a pulse. Lucy came snuffling up, a mournful little whine keening from her as she nuzzled at Nina's shoulder.

"Get out, Lucy." Arnold shoved her into the kitchen, ignoring the dog's upset little yaps as he shut the door on her. "Don't move her." His voice was soft in Helga's ear. "If she's hurt her neck or back..."

"She's not moving." Helga's voice cracked, her hands were shaking.

"Her eyelids..." Arnold started. He was right, Nina's eyelids were fluttering, her lashes beating against her cheeks.

They fluttered open... Helga let out a sigh of relief. "M-mum?" Nina's eyes were huge, glassy. She gazed around the hall, her eyes rolling in her head, her little arms scrabbling at the floor as she tried to raise herself up on her hands. As she craned her neck, a dribble of blood ran from her nose. "_Mum!_"

Helga reached out and clutched Nina to her chest. The little girl was trembling, her face bone-white. "Shhh, Sweetheart, I'm here, you're OK."

Nina's chin started to wobble, tears leaked down her face.

"Get her up." Arnold's voice was clipped, "I'll take you to the hospital." He bounded up the stairs two at a time.

Helga just nodded. She crooned to her little girl, stroking her hair, desperate to soothe Nina's terrified whimpering. Eventually, she managed to struggle upright, Nina curled into her chest, her fists around Helga's neck.

"Here." Arnold came bounding back down, his arms full. He tucked a blanket around Nina's shoulders, dabbed the blood from Nina's chin with a wad of tissues. Helga took the wad from him, holding them to Nina's nose to try stem the flow of blood.

"C'mon." Arnold jingled his keys. "We'll take the Packard." Helga followed obediently, letting Arnold take charge, letting herself focus on nothing but her distraught daughter.

"You want me to take her?" Arnold hovered over her, his face filled with concern. The emergency waiting room was full, loud, but Nina's head was starting to droop, her eyes strangely unfocused, glazed.

Helga shook her head, the last thing she wanted was to let go of Nina, but the faster she filled out the forms, the quicker someone could look at her. "OK."

Arnold took Nina gently from Helga's arms, talking softly to her, asking her questions. Nina's replies were quiet, slurred. Arnold looked over Nina's head to catch Helga's eye, his brow furrowed. "She doesn't sound right... I'll go talk to someone..."

A bubble of panic welled up in her throat. _Don't take her out of my sight! _But she swallowed it. _Keep it together, Pataki._ "OK."

He was still talking to a nurse when Helga came over, the finished form in her hand.

"Mrs Pataki?" the nurse asked, Helga didn't bother to correct her, she just nodded. "We're going to rush Nina through for an Xray, if you just want to follow me?"...

"Sit down." Arnold's voice was soft, sympathetic, but Helga still bristled. She kept pacing, placing her feet square in the tiles as she strode back and forth across the small waiting area.

"I can't." She felt like is she stopped moving, something would go wrong. She needed to stay on her feet, to be ready, in case something happened.

He sighed, stood to bar her way, stepped into her path and put his hands on her shoulders. She stiffened, felt her shoulders hunch even further around her ears. She couldn't meet his gaze, even though she could _feel _his eyes on her face. "Helga, come sit down. You look like you're about to keel over."

Her fists clenched and unclenched at her sides. She _hated _it when he spoke to her like that, in his low, gentle voice. Tears started to well up in her eyes. She blinked them away. "No."

His arms snaked around her, hugging her to his chest. "She'll be OK, you know. It's probably just a concussion."

Helga shook. The image of Nina, sprawled on the floor, her skin pale, her limbs motionless, wouldn't leave her head. The terror on her little girl's face when she came to, disorientated and scared, haunted her.

"C'mon." He pulled her harder against him, stroked her back, leaned his cheek against her hair. A shudder ran through her, coming up from her toes, pushing a sob from her throat. She tried to stop it, bit her lip to try keep it down, but when she tried to take a breath, it was ragged, full of tears.

Her fingers uncurled and searched for his shirt, pinching together to grasp the fabric of his top. Another sob escaped, and another, and with each one, Arnold made this soft, crooning noise that cut right through her. It _hurt, _but at the same time, it felt cathartic.

"Oh, Helga..." his whisper was so soft, so tender... it was the last straw, she sniffed, held her breath to try hold it off, but when she let it go, she collapsed against him, her hands gripped at his shirt, tears flowed freely down her cheeks.

He just held her, one hand clasping her to him, his palm curving around her ribs, the other stroking her back, his fingers rubbing at her neck. His voice hummed as he softly told her everything was going to be OK. She leaned heavily against him, her face buried in his familiar old shirt, her shoulders heaving as she bawled.

Eventually she quietened, her lungs rattling as she drew long, unsteady breaths. She pulled away, her face turned from his. She needed to blow her nose.

"Tissue?" Arnold asked, his hands still at her waist, his voice low. Another sob bubbled up. _Why is he so _nice _to me? _She didn't know how to handle it. It just made her sad, it made her ache. She nodded.

He stepped away, her skin feeling suddenly cold where his hands had been. A moment later, he held out a box of tissues. "Thanks." she mumbled, pulling a bunch from the box.

"Feeling better?" His hand was on her shoulder. She nodded, hiccuping. "Come sit down."

She perched, uncomfortable, on the edge of one of the waiting room chairs. He sat next to her, leaning forward, the box of kleenex still in his hands. "Remember when I knocked you out with a baseball as a kid?" His low voice chuckled.

She giggled, a raspy noise. "Actually, no..."

He chortled. "Yeah... sorry about that..." They sat in silence for a second. "C'mere." He grabbed the top of her arm and pulled her into him, leaning her shoulders into his chest. His chin rested on the top of her head. "You Pataki's have hard heads."

She sighed. "Yeah, I get that from Bob."

He laughed again. "That's not what I meant..." his hand slid down her arm, rested on the inside of her forearm. If she hadn't have been so distracted, she would have stiffened, started stammering. As it was, she relaxed, too busy thinking about Nina to do anything but be comforted by how close he was.

"I know, but it's true. You know that scene in Matilda where the kid eats the chocolate cake and the headmistress breaks a platter over his head?" she could feel his chin move on her hair as he nodded. "Yeah, Bob has a head like that... a sack of wet concrete."

"What does Bob do now?" Arnold turned his head slightly, resting his cheek against her hair.

Helga shrugged. "Couldn't tell you. Last time I spoke to him I had just started uni."

Arnold drew in a breath. "He's never met Nina?" his voice was incredulous, Arnold couldn't fathom the idea of a man not caring about his family.

She shrugged. "He might know about her... if he's spoken to Miriam."

Arnold sighed, his fingers brushed at her skin. "That's really sad."

"Sure." Helga agreed. "But there isn't much I can do about it. I don't know if I'd trust him to be a good grandfather to Nina. He might just treat her how he treated me."

Arnold had nothing to say to that. She could almost _feel _him hold back his questions... she sighed, her back pressing harder into Arnold. The armrest dug into her ribs.

"Would you like a coffee or something?" His voice cracked.

"No thanks." She closed her eyes. She didn't want to move. He let out a deep breath, leaned more heavily against her. They just sat there. His hand ran up and down her arm.

"Ms Pataki?" Helga flinched, her eyes flew open. She stood up, Arnold's hands falling off her.

"Yeah? Yes? Is Nina OK?"

The doctor smiled. "She'll be fine. I'm Brian Conner, I just took a look at her Xrays." He stuck his hand out.

"Uh, hi, Helga." She took his hand and shook it.

"And you're Nina's father?" Brian leaned over to take Arnold's hand.

Arnold grinned at Helga while she floundered. "No. uh... he's not... uh... he's my... we live together." _I am such an idiot. _

The doctor just nodded.

"Arnold." Arnold smiled, shook Brian's hand.

The doctor leaned back. "She has a concussion, but she'll be fine." He sat down on the seat next to her. "The Xrays came back clear, she's got no fractures or anything." Helga sagged with relief. "You can take her home." Arnold's hand gripped the top of her arm, squeezed her.

"I need you to keep an eye on her, though." The doctor leaned forward. "You'll have to wake her up every two hours tonight, ask her a few basic questions, like her name or age." Helga stared while the doctor kept talking, rattling off symptoms she had to check for, how she had to keep Nina home for a few days...

Nina was asleep, her mouth slack. Arnold hefted her out of bed, let Helga open doors for him as he carried her out to the car. He twisted around in his seat as they sat at the lights, smiling at her over his shoulder.

"She's alright?" His smile was gentle.

Helga nodded. "Yeah, she's out to it."

He pulled away from the lights. "Long night, huh?"

She grimaced... hours and hours of getting up and checking that her daughter's brain hadn't started bleeding. "It will be." She sighed.

She could see Arnold's mouth twitch up. "Wanna watch Pulp Fiction?"


	11. Drop

"Honey, I'm home."

Helga glanced up from where she was curled into the sofa. Arnold was standing in the doorway, silhouetted in the light from the hall_. _She slapped her book shut. "Ah, the man of the house returns." She smiled.

He slouched across the room, dropped down onto the couch next to her and sighed heavily, closing his eyes and dropping his head back.

Helga frowned a little, his eyes were ringed in dark smudges. "Long day?" She asked gently, he looked so _tired. _

He nodded.

"Have you eaten?" She knew he often skipped lunch on a busy day, and it was pretty late now, after nine at least… he shook his head. "I made lasagne, do you want some?"

He sunk further into the cushions, letting out a low kind of moan. "That would be amazing." He groaned. He made a feeble attempt to push himself up from the sofa, but Helga stood before he even opened his eyes.

"I'll get it… you look shattered. Do you want anything else?"

"You're so good to me." He yawned. "Lasagne is more than enough."

Helga doubted he'd even be awake when she brought him his dinner. She pottered around, heaved a chunk of lasagne from the baking dish, stuck it in the microwave. He must have had a bad day at work, from the looks of him. She'd seen him after long days a couple of times, when people had gone ballistic over having their animals seized, or he's had to deal with a particularity bad case of animal abuse. She wandered out and stuck her head into the lounge "You want a beer or wine or something?"

He hummed, opened his eyes. "If there's anything left in that bottle of red we opened last night? That would be awesome."

He opened his eyes again when she set his plate and wine glass on the coffee table. He struggled to sit upright. "Thanks so much Helga," he picked up his fork, "this smells so good."

Helga let him eat, pulling her blanket back over her legs to keep reading while he finished his meal. He made appreciative noises, but just kept shovelling the food into his mouth. She watched him out of the corner of her eye, he acted like he was starving, he mustn't have eaten since breakfast.

_Dammit, I'm not his mother! _She turned away, focussed on her book.

Eventually, he set his cutlery down with a sigh and settled back into the sofa. "That's so much better. I owe you one, Pataki." He smiled.

"My pleasure." She closed her book again, shuffled a bit to face him.

"How was Nina's first day back at school?"

"Exciting? She was the centre of attention all day. Maddy even brought her in a cupcake… and the whole class had made her a card."

Arnold chuckled. "Little Miss Popular, huh?"

Helga grinned. "Totally…" They smirked at each other, obviously each thinking along the same lines… _nothing like her mother._

"What are you doing for Christmas?" Arnold's eye were closed again, he smothered another yawn.

"Uh, I dunno. Probably go to Miriam's. I haven't really thought about it."

"It's only two weeks away!" Arnold cracked an eye open to convey his incredulous disappointment with Helga's lack of festive spirit.

She shrugged. "I've got some stuff for Nina. I'll do something. Why, what are you up to?"

He smiled. "I'm going over to the Johanssen's for lunch. But I thought if you were around, we could try get some people together for a dinner, or a party, or something?

"Sounds good. Is Gerald coming into town?" _I am _so _getting Phoebe to come over._

Arnold nodded. "Yup. Oh, and Tania and Dave are moving out next week."

Helga blinked. "That's sudden. Where are they going?"

"They got funding for their film… they're gonna store their stuff at her mum's house and live out of a van for a year."

Helga groaned. "Sounds like paradise." She sighed. "Lucky bastards."

"Indeed."

They fell into silence. The house was quiet, the street outside was still, the only light on in the room was the old standard lamp Helga was sitting under. The radiator hissed against the wall, warming the air in that dusty way radiators have. Helga found herself getting sleepy.

She yawned, wriggled. She knew she should go up to bed, but was tempted just to pull her blanket up and go to sleep on the sofa. Glancing over at Arnold, she found his eyes on her.

No matter how often that happened, it always did something to her. She managed a shaky smile. His mouth twitched up, before he sighed.

"Rose and I broke up." He said bluntly, his eyes falling from hers.

Helga's brain blipped. _This is not good. Jesus. _She didn't like it. She didn't like it at all. Her first, instinctive reaction was one of terror. Arnold being with Rose was the nice big roadblock she had to stop her from doing something stupid. Sure, now she didn't have to see them together, or _hear_ them… but single, he was eligible, but still not hers. She swallowed.

"Are you OK?" _Lamest question ever. _This explained the bags under his eyes.

He shrugged. "Yeah… I mean, all break-ups suck, right?"

She couldn't disagree with that. She nodded. "What happened? Uh, if, you know, you wanna talk about it?" She still wasn't any good at _talking about stuff._

He was chewing at his bottom lip. "I dunno… it just…" he took a deep breath. "She wanted to get serious…" His eyes flicked to hers. "She said she kept seeing me with Nina, and thought I'd be a good dad, and wanted… uh… you know… to start thinking about that stuff." He swallowed.

_Oh. _Helga could relate. "Well… she's not wrong, you would be a good dad." She tried to smile. "You don't want kids?"

"No, I mean, it's not that. I _do _want kids… I just…" he frowned. "I just couldn't see myself having them with her." He finished in a rush, his cheeks turning pink.

"Oh." She breathed. _Poor Rose._

He made a strangled kind of noise. "I feel like such an asshole." His eyes were squeezed shut. Helga went to say something consoling, but he continued. "I just… she's sweet and pretty and everything… there wasn't anything _wrong _with her, with, uh, _us." _He sighed again. She let him think about what he was saying… it sounded like he was trying to convince her, but she knew he was just figuring it out in his own head. "But it wasn't _right, _either… you know?"

Helga nodded.

"Shit." He grimaced.

Helga leaned over and put her hand experimentally on his knee. He looked at her. _Awkward. _She tried to smile… _Jesus, why am I such a spaz? _She just managed to stop herself from flinching when he let his head drop onto her shoulder.

"Do you think I did something stupid?" His question was soft, it tugged at her heart. Instinctively, she reached up and smoothed back his hair in the exact same motion she used to sooth Nina… but with Arnold, she was acutely aware of her palm brushing his brow. She gaped at herself… why was she _touching_ him?

"No." She stated softly, but firmly. "Not at all." And she was telling the truth. Putting her own conflicted, messed up feelings aside, she recognised that Arnold had done the right thing, that leading Rose on would have been cruel.

"I dunno. How many girls like that are gonna want to _get serious_ with a guy like me?" Helga had never heard him talk like that before. She had no idea what to say.

"A guy like you?" She parroted stupidly.

He huffed, rolled his head from her shoulder and back onto the sofa. "I dunno. I don't have heaps of money. I don't have masses of ambition. I'm happy just living here and working at the shelter…" he pressed the heels of his hands into his eyes. "I've got a football head…" He peeked at her, teasing her.

She didn't know what to say. Arnold had insecurities? She found it hard to get her head around… not only because he was so _happy _all the time, but he was just such a singular person. She couldn't imagine being so _good, _and not feeling good about yourself.

_Say something! _She yelled at herself. _But don't say too much. _She leaned her head into the back of the couch. "I wish you could hear yourself." She shook her head. "You might not be loaded, but you aren't destitute. You don't have _ambition _because you aren't greedy, you're _happy." _She found her voice coming out stronger, harsher than she meant it to. She tried to soften it. "You love your job because you do good, you help the vulnerable." She didn't know how to put into words how amazing he was, without giving too much away. "You're a really, really good person. Any woman would be _lucky _to be with you." That was generic enough to not be too revealing, right? And it was true.

He chuckled. "You make me sound like a saint."

"If the shoe fits…" She smiled.

His hand reached out and touched her leg, just the tips of his fingers pressing against her thigh through the blanket. She gulped. "Sorry for putting this on you… I know I needed to break up with her… It just feels shitty."

She nodded. Yup. She knew what that felt like. She still cringed when she thought about Brainy, even after all these years. She'd broken the poor guy's heart… but she'd never meant to. "Anytime, Shortman."

He smiled, hefted himself up and gathered up his plate. "You want a cup of tea?"

… She spat the last of her toothpaste out into the sink. It was late, almost midnight. She was going to be tired in the morning. She rinsed her hands and made her way out of the bathroom, flicking the light off on the way.

"Nite Helga." Arnold was just outside the door, giving Helga a heart attack as he padded silently across the carpeted floor.

"Jesus, don't sneak up on me like that!" She admonished, but she was grinning.

"Can't help it if I have a certain cat-like grace." He huffed, holding his chin high. She laughed.

"Yeah yeah… whatever you say Arnoldo. G'nite." She beamed. She made to move off, but his hand came out, touched her wrist.

"Hey, uh… thanks… for listening to my bellyaching before." He was blushing again.

She shook her head. "Somehow, I think that you beat me in the altruism stakes… taking me and Nina in and all…" she raised an eyebrow. Arnold stepped closer, _too close._ "Least I can do is lend an ear when you're less than happy." She forced herself not to ramble. _Too close too close…_

"Shut it, Pataki." He smiled, before wrapping his arms around her shoulders and tugging her against him for a hug.

She fought herself. Part of her wanted to shove him away. How _dare _he touch her without her permission? But then, part of her wanted to slide her hands around him, to push herself hard up against his skinny ribs. She could smell him, all clean and homely smelling. She _reacted _when she was this close to him… she couldn't help it.

She forced her hands up, patted him on the back. _That was weird. _She didn't know if she could feel any more awkward. He pulled back, his fingers came up, brushed her cheek as he pushed a lock of hair away from her face.

_Now I know how deer feel, just before they're run over. _She was _terrified._

"I'm glad you turned up here, you know." His smile was gentle. "You're over your whole _imposing _thing?"

She nodded. She thought of the Sunset Arms as home… more of a home than Bob's house had been. Far more of a home than the little unit she had with Mark had been.

"Good." His smile twitched, like he was stopping himself from laughing. He let her go. "Thursday tomorrow. You want a ride into work?"

She stood there, feeling like someone had pulled a carpet out from underneath her feet. How did people _hug_ all the time? Did _no one _else feel what she was feeling right now? "Uh, yeah. That'd be good."

"Done. Nite." He turned and went into the bathroom.

"Nite." She managed to spit out. She retreated into her bedroom, seeking the relative comfort of her bed. She tugged the blankets up, tucking them in around her feet, cocooning herself. She hated that a _hug_, such a small action, something _normal _people could do without thought, had such a massive impact on her. She hated that she couldn't feel settled around him… that he did such strange things to her stomach.

Every time she felt like she had a handle on herself, he took her breath away.


	12. Gift

"MERRY CHRISTMAS!" Harold burped from where he lay spread-eagled on the floor, the top button of his pants undone, his hand around a beer bottle.

Helga nudged him with her toe as she stepped over him. "Keep it classy, Pink-Boy." She laughed, crossing the room to crawl up onto the bed between Arnold and Rhonda.

"What a day." She sighed, sleepily settling down onto the bed. It was late. After a long day of presents and junk food and attention, it had taken forever for Nina to settle down. They had gone to Miriam's for lunch, where Olga and her mother had showered Nina with candy and attention… only to come home and have her daughter stuffed with more candy and attention by her childhood friends.

She couldn't help but smile as she looked around the room. Not many people had turned up, preferring to spend Christmas with their families… but Phoebe, Gerald, Harold and Rhonda had all arrived earlier in the evening, bearing gifts and food and booze. So now they were all full, tired, drunk.

They were sprawled out in Arnold's old attic room. His books were still on the shelves, pictures on the wall. Helga had cracked the wardrobe door open earlier and wasn't surprised to see clothes still on the hangers. _Wonder why he doesn't sleep up here anymore… _Snow settled softly on the glass ceiling, the muted light was making them all sleepy…

"Nina asleep?" Arnold asked, leaning heavily into her arm.

"Like a log. She _loves _her _inside tent_." Helga grinned. Arnold had bought Nina a deep purple mosquito net for one of her Christmas presents, and Nina was ecstatically happy that she got to sleep in a tent every night. It was very sweet.

"I still can't believe you have a kid, Helga." Rhonda swooned backwards onto the bed, the drink in her hand sloshing dangerously close to the rim of her glass. A massive drunken smile spread across her face.

"Neither can I, some days." Helga grinned back, twisting to face her old classmate.

"Who would'a thunk it," Gerald crowed from where he was sprawled on Arnold's sofa, "that _Helga G. Pataki_ would be the first of us to spawn." He took a gulp of his beer, sinking further into the sofa, pressing his thigh harder up against Phoebe's.

Helga smothered a smirk. Gerald hadn't wasted a single opportunity to flirt with Phoebe… too much more of his obvious attentions and Helga thought her friend might burst into flame, she was blushing so hard.

"To be honest, Helga, I always thought you were gay." Rhonda stated casually. Helga baulked, almost choking on her beer. She cringed when Arnold chuckled softly behind her. She tensed when he leaned forward and rested his chin on her shoulder, his cheek brushing her ear.

"Uh…" Helga stammered, taken aback. "Why?"

They all laughed. Helga tensed her thighs, trying to stem the fizzle of annoyance that instantly bristled through her. _So I'm some kind of joke, awesome. _

"C'mon Helga, you were always so… _Get outta my way, coming through here. Move it or lose it, bucko… Move it, Football Head!_"

"Hey!" Arnold laughed.

"Hey, that was really good, Rhonda!" Harold called from the floor, struggling up onto one elbow. "I didn't know you did such good impressions."

"I'll do you later." Rhonda grinned, before turning back to Helga, too drunk to notice her own innuendo. "And you never had a boyfriend or anything… I mean, no judgement, I just always thought you were in the closet."

"I had boyfriends in High school." Helga frowned, still prickling from feeling like she was the butt of a joke. "I just didn't feel the need to parade them around." The words were still coming out of her mouth when she started to regret them. She didn't want to tell them about Brainy, or Wolfgang, or Torvald…

Arnold chuckled again, she could feel it, a gentle rumbling where his throat pressed against her shoulder, where his chest was leaning against her back. For a micro-second, she was distracted from being embarrassed. He had been so _cuddly _today. She figured it was just the Christmas thing… but she couldn't deny she liked it, probably too much.

"Yeah? Anyone we know?" Rhonda – still a gossip - was obviously intrigued.

Helga stared for a second. She _really _didn't want to tell them about the guys she had dated, and, as stuffed and tipsy as she was, she didn't think to lie. Her eyes cast around the room, everyone was looking at her. Phoebe grimaced. _Good old Phoebe… _Phebes, of course, knew everything about her teenaged love life.

She swallowed, she could feel her cheeks growing pink. She wished she didn't feel so dumb and slow and drunk…

"Oh!" Phoebe exclaimed from across the room, drawing everyone's eyes from Helga's flushed cheeks. "I bumped into Lorenzo last week!"

There was a blip of silence, before Rhonda slurred "Lorenzo, the rich kid?"

Helga sagged with relief at the short attention span of the others. They gossiped about an old classmate, and she relaxed into Arnold. His face brushed her neck, her cheek… when he spoke she could feel his breath on her skin. He shifted to lean his cheek against her shoulder, and when she turned, she could smell his hair.

She leaned a little heavier into him, his arm slid forward a little more, pressing the width of his chest against the span of her back. She could have melted. He never got this close when they were alone… she _knew _it didn't mean anything… but it still started the blood thumping through her veins.

She tried to control her breathing, slowly inhaling and exhaling through her nose. _Calm down, Pataki… _She cast her eyes around the room, attempted to listen in on the conversation again.

Rhonda and Harold were making googly eyes at each other, Rhonda's dainty little toes reaching off the bed to rest on top of Harold's great square feet. Gerald and Phoebe were getting closer and closer to each other every time Helga glanced over, his arm was round her shoulders, her calf hooked around his.

She bit her lip. Phoebe looked ecstatic… lucky moo. She sighed, just before she caught Gerald smirking at her. She just stared as Gerald leaned over to whisper something in Phoebe's ear. They both looked over at where Arnold was curled around Helga, and laughed.

Helga bristled. She _hated _being laughed at… for that kind of thing. She knew she was being a big hypocrite and all of that – she laughed at people all the time – but she didn't care. She felt her shoulder's stiffen.

"I'm gonna go get a drink, anyone want anything?" She was reasonably pleased with how light her voice sounded.

"Beer!" "Wine!" "Water." "Food?" Requests flooded in. She stood, her shoulder feeling suddenly… naked… as Arnold lifted his head from her.

"OK." She said simply before treading out of the room and down the stairs. She had no idea how she would carry that much stuff back up to the room, but she'd sort something out…

She was leaning against the counter, sipping absent-mindedly at a beer while staring at the wall. "So… who were these mysterious high school boyfriends?" Helga jumped at Arnold's sudden, laughing voice.

"None of your business." She snapped. She was tired, and her head hurt…

Arnold frowned. "Hey, you OK?" He stepped forward into the room and leaned against the counter next to her.

_No. No I'm not OK, Arnold. I'm lonely, and tired. I don't like being the butt of other people's jokes and I'm sick of feeling like some sort of charity case or strange social anomaly. I'm sick of your touchy-feely shit. Do you have any idea the kind of toll it takes on me? Having to carefully gauge everything I say to you? I always have to make sure not to get to close, not to let you know… and then you just decide you want to… _cuddle me? _It just gets too much sometimes. I love you Arnold…. It's pathetic, I know, but it's true. I love you and it makes me hate myself._

"Yeah, fine… just been a long day." She sighed. "Sorry for snapping."

He shook his head. "No… I'm sorry for prying." He sighed in reply. "I _am _curious…" he raised an eyebrow, "but I'm sorry for teasing."

She just shrugged. Too fuzzy headed to deal with sincere little chats.

He shifted, silent for a second, before mumbling. "I have something for you…"

_Huh. _"Yeah?" She turned to face him a little.

"Yeah." His face had turned pink. "It's… it's nothing much, but, uh…" He smiled a shy, crooked smile, his eyes meeting her gaze. Her stomach flipped. "I just don't want you to think I'm being inappropriate or anything…"

"Uh-huh…" Helga didn't know what to say. What the hell was going on? She just gawked as Arnold fished around in his pocket to pull out a little velvet bag.

"It's not, uh, wrapped or anything, sorry." He stammered as he pressed the bag into her hand.

She blinked at it. It was a _jewellery bag. _What on earth was going on? With thick fingers, she picked clumsily at the loose knot, before teasing the bag open and tipping it up.

A sliver of gold snaked into her waiting palm, landing with a soft _clink._

"Oh… Arnold…" She breathed, her eyes darting to meet his before falling back to the delicate chain and pendant that lay pooled in her hand. "I… I can't take this. It's too much…"

He smiled, shifted closer. His hand came up and he touched his fingertips gently to hers. "It was Grandma's…" his voice was soft, "but it wasn't an heirloom or anything…"

Helga shook her head. "I can't…" her throat was stuck. Tears threatened to redden her eyes. She just stared.

"If you really don't want it, then that's OK… I won't be offended…" He smiled again, reached down to pick the chain up with his thumb and forefinger, let it dangle as he lifted it from her palm. "But all her stuff is just sitting there doing nothing… and I remembered how you had that heart locket when you were a kid… I just thought you might like it."

He held it up further, letting the light glint from the tiny heart-shaped charm that swung at the bottom of the chain. It was beautiful. She swallowed, completely unsure of what to do. It was a gift, she should just graciously accept it… except that giving someone a heart-shaped necklace _meant _something…

Did he not realise that?

He held it up to look at it, took the heart between his fingers and turned it over. He glanced up at her. "Do you like it?" She nodded. What else could she do? "Turn around?"

She couldn't quite tell if it was a statement or a question… but she did it. There was a little pause as he fumbled with the clasp, then his hands came down over her head, the chain suspended between them. "Lift your hair up." His voice was so soft, so close… she just obeyed, mindlessly, lost in the heady moment.

Her knuckles brushed his arms as she pulled her hair up from her neck. His fingers brushed her neck as he trailed the chain around her and clipped the clasp closed. He let the chain drop, smoothed it down against her skin, his touch made her shiver, sent tiny electric ripples across her.

His hands gently grasped her shoulders and turned her back around. His fingers stretched out to touch the pendent, but stopped just short, his face soft, but nervous. "It looks…" his eyes searched her face, his cheeks had flushed with colour, "it suits you…" he finished finally.

She reached up, touched where the unfamiliar weight bumped lightly, just below the hollow of her throat. "Thank you…" she breathed eventually, conscious he was waiting for some sort of reaction. "I… it's beautiful… I…." she smiled, shrugged. "I don't deserve this."

He just smiled… and before Helga knew what had happened, he had leaned forward to press a gentle kiss against her cheek. "Merry Christmas."


	13. Balk

"You two really have to shut up now." Helga's head was in her hands, her face bright red.

"Oh come on now, Helga…" Miriam's voice had never lost that slow drawl. "You used to have such a _crush _on that boy."

Helga grimaced, this was her worst nightmare. She glanced through the open doorway to where Nina was perched in front of the TV, but her daughter wasn't listening to their conversation… thankfully.

Still… she drained her glass of wine and stood up. "Another drink, anyone?" _Woo… _ standing made her head slosh, she grinned. _I'm drunk. _

"Just bring over the bottle." Olga giggled. "Stop trying to avoid the question… _are you?"_

Helga made a high pitched screeching sound through her teeth. "NO! OK?" She slammed the fridge door shut, swearing when it bounced open again. She strode over to the table, slammed the bottle down and her palms down either side of it.

Both Olga and Miriam were struggling to contain their laughter, their faces red... Helga grinned. "I am, however, having carnal relations with an older man."

"_Eep!"_ A giggle escaped Olga's lips. Her eyes were wide. "How old is _older_?" she gasped.

Helga slid back into her chair, pulled the cork from the bottle, gloried in the _glug _of the wine as she poured herself another glass. She took a sip. _Yeah, I won't be driving home tonight. _"Forty seven." Olga _eep'd _again.

"Helga!" Miriam stared. "That's old enough to be your father!" Helga wasn't fooled, her mother was close to laughter again, her eyes were sparkling.

"Yeah, but he's not my father, is he? He's a rich older guy with a _very _impressive package."

Helga grinned wider at their reactions. Olga slumped down on the table, her shoulders heaving with laughter, Miriam covered her mouth with her hand, her eyes crinkling up with a little gasped "_Oh my!"_

"Saved by the bell!" Helga crowed as her phone leaped into life on the table.

ARNOLD SHORTMAN

"Ooooh, look who it is!" Miriam and Olga screeched with laughter as Helga put the phone to her ear.

"That's enough out of you!" Helga barked, laughing all the same.

"_What have I done?" _Arnold chuckled down the phone.

"You? Nothing… I'm just trying to control my mother and sister… they're worse than Nina, I swear." She glared pointedly at the other two women as she pushed her chair back to stand up. "Hold on, I'll get somewhere quieter."

She threw herself down on Miriam's bed. "So, Shortman, what's the haps?"

He chuckled again. God that sound made her _clench. _"Haps? _Really_?" He laughed.

"Yes, Arnold… _haps."_ She sighed dramatically. She put on her best harassed voice. "Can't I have one conversation today without someone poking fun at me?"

"_Aw, poor diddums… is Helga being picked on?"_ His voice was full of laughter.

"Everyone picks on me." She pouted. "Even you won't tell me what's happening tonight." Well… if Nina had taught her anything, it was how to put on a great sulky voice.

Arnold snorted at the other end of the line. "_Alright then… uh, we're just leaving Gerald's now… we're picking up Phoebe on the way."_

"I, uh, might not be in a state to drive…" Helga admitted. "I've had more than a couple of wines."

He laughed again. "Got a head start, huh? Alright, I'll get Gerald to drop me off there and I'll drive your car home?"

…

"No, _I'll _pay_." _Helga commanded, pulling her wallet out of her bag and shoving a crumpled twenty dollar note under the cab driver's nose. "Keep the change."

She stumbled out onto the footpath, tugging her skirt down as she clambered from the car. Arnold was already up the steps, fumbling with his keys in the lock.

"You didn't have to come home with me, you know…" Helga grumbled as she passed him into the hallway, leaning on the wall to pry her shoes off.

Arnold was shrugging out of his coat. "Yeah, you've said… about fifty times…" He hung his jacket up on its hook. "Have you got a secret date or something?" He grinned at her as he bent down to briefly pat Lucy on the head before he unlaced his boots.

She shook her head. "Yeah, totally… you're just a big blonde fly in my sexy ointment." She leaned her head back against the wall. "I just feel bad for making you leave."

"You didn't _make _me leave. Don't worry about it."

She sighed, reached up to pull her coat off. "That girl you were talking to didn't look too happy…"

That had been the last straw, really. She hadn't enjoyed the night. It had been years since she had been to a real party, and she remembered why she had never really liked them. She had been terrified… and once Arnold had been ensconced on a sofa with a _really _good looking girl, Helga had called it a night. The last way she wanted to see in the New Year was to watch the object of her affections sharing the countdown kiss with someone else.

Yeah… she fully recognised how pathetic she was.

Arnold laughed. "So you're worried you cock-blocked me?" He raised an eyebrow.

She shrugged.

He just laughed again. "Come." He grabbed her hand and tugged her down the hall. "Dance with me."

She couldn't keep her eyes off him as she tripped after him, guiltily watching how his slim-fitting jeans and tailored shirt _clung_ to the flat planes of his skinny body… he looked very, very good when he dressed up.

She allowed herself a moment to swoon. God he was gorgeous.

His hand still gripping hers, he dragged her into the lounge, turned the radio up and pulled her into him.

Her heart nearly exploded in her chest.

His free hand came around and pushed flat against the small of her back, pressing them together. She gripped at his arm, trying desperately not to do anything stupid.

He chuckled as he moved her back and forth across the carpet. The room was dim, just a lamp had been left on for the dog. The house was dark, still, warm. The music they were dancing to was slow, low, minor, sexy…

_Jesus._

Their hips moved together… kinda. "I haven't danced in years." Helga breathed, surprised she could talk at all, surprised she had air in her lungs.

He just chuckled again, pulled her a little tighter to him. She was conscious of everything… of how his hand slipped across her back through the fabric of her dress; of how his hips swayed against hers; of how he smelled of cotton and beer and skin; of the tense muscle of his arm through his shirt; of how _warm _he was.

"You were always such a good dancer." Helga murmured, trying to distract herself from how good it felt to be held so hard against him.

"Grandma insisted… she loved dancing." He let out a laughing huff of breath. "Grandpa said that dancing was a sure-fire way to win a woman's heart."

Helga glanced up at him, he had a smile on his lips, his eyes were soft, far away, as he recalled old memories. His fingers tightened gently, squeezing her fingers, her ribs. "You heard from Olga?" He asked gently, his eyes focussing again.

Helga nodded. "Yeah, Nina fell asleep an hour or so ago… she'll be so gutted she missed the countdown."

As if on cue, the music faded out, and the deep, sultry voice of the radio DJ murmured: "The last song for the year, Duke Ellington and his famous orchestra playing the Blue Serge."

Arnold grinned, his hand slid a little further around her, pulling her even closer. He smiled into her eyes. "Ten…" he whispered along with the DJ. "Nine – Eight – Seven – Six – Five - Four…"

He leaned in a little, his eyes heavy-lidded.

"Three…"

The room was quiet… all she could hear was the rush of her own heartbeat and the soft chuckle of Arnold's voice. She swallowed.

"Two…"

Her heart fluttered, making her feel suddenly weak… almost dizzy.

"One…"

Was she counting down too? She couldn't tell…

"Happy New Year!" Arnold crowed, he let go of her hand, bent slightly to wrap his arm around her waist and lift her off the floor.

"H-Happy New Year!" She gasped, her hands gripping his shoulders as he hefted her up. He was grinning.

_Shit. _She barely had time to think before he kissed her.

_Shit._

She didn't have time to react, she just… let it happen. His lips were softer than she had imagined, pressing against hers in the briefest of touches. Her stomach lurched, her breath hitched, her heart set off… she couldn't feel her toes.

And then he pulled away. He let out a little huff of breath as he lowered her back to the floor. Her hands were still on his shoulders, her breath ragged. She wanted to swoon against him, to push her face against his chest and breath him in. She wanted to push her hands up his ribs, to feel the texture of his skin beneath her palms.

Blood had flooded her skin, making her blush, making her _want. _She wouldn't have denied him anything in that moment.

But he just smiled at her. He took hold of her hand again and moved to keep dancing.

Her heart sank… _shit. _It wasn't going to happen again. It was just a New Years kiss… probably the exact same kiss he would have given whatever woman happened to be closest to him if he had stayed at the party.

As fast as the heady thrill of his kiss had elated her… the crush of her disappointment brought her down faster.

"Can you _not_ do that?" She snapped. She registered instantly that she sounded angry, but she just didn't care. She was mortified.

"Huh?" Arnold blinked.

She sighed pointedly. "The touchy-feely shit…" she pulled back a little, looking up to meet his gaze square-on.

He stared at her, his eyes wide. "I… uh… I didn't…"

"I mean… we aren't dating or anything, right?" She raised an eyebrow at him, demanding an answer. He shook his head. "So don't treat me like I'm your surrogate girlfriend or something." She sucked in her breath, tears pricked at her eyes but she refused to let that show.

"I'm… I'm sorry Helga… I didn't…" Arnold just stammered. Her heart ached, he looked so baffled… but she just couldn't seem to stop. The frustration, the confusion she had suffered under for the past few months just bubbled over. If he wasn't interested in her, she just needed him to stop acting like he was.

She waved a hand. "Just back off, OK?"

He let go of her. "OK…" He just kinda stood there, looking distraught. He rubbed at the back of his neck. "I'm sorry. I didn't mean to, uh, crowd you or anything. I didn't know you felt like that. I won't… I'll leave you alone." He stepped back.

_Oh… _Helga had obviously gone too far. Arnold looked like he wanted to crawl under the floorboards. She had humiliated him. She instantly felt terrible. He was _always _willing to listen to her… why hadn't she just talked to him, instead of attacking him?

She stepped forward. "I'm sorry for biting your head off…"

He shrugged. "It's OK… sorry for, uh… kissing you?" He was looking anywhere but at her. He took a breath. "I might head up to bed… nite."

Helga stared. She felt _awful. _"Nite, Arnold… I'm sorry for yelling…" _Tell him the truth… _she snarked inside her own head. _Tell him you can't have him touch you like that, can't let him kiss you, because it makes it too hard to _not _have him touch and kiss you the rest of the time… tell him!_

But of course she stayed silent.

"Yeah…" He breath huffed out in a derisive sigh. "Happy New Years." His parting shot before he left the room.

Happy New Years indeed.

_I always ruin everything._


	14. Spill

People keep asking about Helga's divorce... Helga and Mark never married. There'll probably be more on that in the story... later...

Thanks for the reviews people :) Much appreciated. If you see any spelling or grammar mistakes, tell me? I hate looking back on something a few months later just to see I missed something!

Cheers!

* * *

><p>"Are you OK sweetheart?" Helga put her hand to Nina's forehead. The girl just nodded, sullen.<p>

Helga frowned, Nina looked so despondent. "How was school today?" Nina just shook her head.

Helga sighed. _Great… if it wasn't hard enough having Arnold act like I don't exist, now my own daughter won't talk to me. Something _was obviously up, but she wasn't going to get Nina to talk about it by pressing her, so she kept her mouth shut.

She'd been doing a lot of that over the past fortnight… she was still paying for what she had done last time she hadn't been able to keep quiet.

She'd tried everything to get Arnold to act normally again. She'd made meals that she knew he liked, she'd gotten a few bottles of wine he enjoyed, she'd pre-ordered him a copy of a book he wanted that was due for release. She'd even tried to talk to him about it, but he'd just smiled and said not to worry about it… that it was all fine. But it _wasn't _all fine. Sure, it wasn't bad, he wasn't rude… but he wasn't forthcoming. He'd stopped teasing her, stopped seeking her out to talk to her. They were just like flatmates… not friends anymore.

Thankfully, however, he hadn't started treating Nina any differently. Nina still dashed excitedly to see him after school, to climb onto his lap and prattle on at a million miles an hour about her day… evidenced by what Arnold had to say when he came up behind Helga in the kitchen.

"Uh… Helga…" Helga found herself tensing up… his voice was hesitant, he obviously had something difficult to say. "We need to talk."

"Sure." She tried to sound nonchalant. She put down the knife she was cutting tomatoes with and wiped her hands on a tea towel. Turning to face him, she leaned against the bench. "What's up?"

He sighed heavily and dropped into one of the kitchen chairs. "I just had Nina crying on my shoulder."

Her fist clenched around the towel she was holding. She stepped forward, opened her mouth to say something, but Arnold interrupted. "She wanted me to talk to you… you wanna sit down?" He nudged the chair opposite him out from the table with his foot. She sat.

"Is she OK?" Helga could feel her forehead creasing. "I mean, I knew there was something wrong… but I figured we'd talk about it at bedtime, like how we usually do…" She chewed at her bottom lip. She didn't want to be down here talking to Arnold, she wanted to be upstairs, talking to her daughter.

He smiled that lopsided smile. Had she been less distracted, her stomach would have flipped. "Yeah… she'll be fine…" the smile changed. "It seems that – on the weekend - she and Maddy caught you and Steven… uh… well…" _Oh god no. _She felt the blood drain from her face.

He shrugged. "Well, in Nina's words… _kissing lying down."_ His mouth twisted. She couldn't tell if he was about to laugh, or about to sneer.

"Oh… dear." Helga groaned. _How humiliating._ "She's upset over that?"

Arnold shook his head. "Not really… they…" he sighed. "They told their classmates today..." At least he had the decency to look apologetic at that. _Great. Now all the soccer mums will know. _"and according to _Tina, _adults are only allowed to kiss lying down if they're married."

She blinked. _Shit. I'm going to have to have the _birds and the bees_ talk. Shit. _"Fuck I hate Tina… and her mother."

He smirked at that. "Thought you might." He sighed again. "So Nina's upset. She doesn't want you to get in trouble for… you know… but she doesn't want Steven to be her new dad."

"Oh." _Oh. _Her heart broke at that. Her poor little girl. "Why didn't she say anything?" she mumbled, to herself more than to Arnold, but he answered anyway.

"She didn't want to make you sad." No… that was what broke her heart.

"I'll go talk to her." She moved to stand, but Arnold cleared his throat. _Don't tell me there's more… isn't this embarrassing enough?_

"Uh… I kinda gotta tell you…" He swallowed, his cheeks blazing red. "She said…" he sighed. _So much sighing. _"She wants _me _to be her new dad."

_Shit. _

She just stared. This was horrific. "I'm sorry, Arnold… I never meant for her to, uh… become so attached?"

He frowned. "I have no issue with Nina, Helga." She could hear the implication in his voice. _It's _you _I have the issue with._

_Ouch._

"What should I do?" She asked. She didn't want to make any decision involving Arnold without knowing what he wanted. But he just shrugged.

"You're her mother, it's your choice." His eyes left her face, trained instead on the knee of his jeans. "I _like _Nina. If she needs a father figure, then I'm OK with reading to her and shit… but if you want me to…" His eyes flicked up to her face, "back off. Then I will."

_Ouch._

"I… Nina loves you. I wouldn't ask you to do that. But… I wouldn't ask you to take her on, either." She felt herself slide down in her chair as she pushed the heels of her hands into her eyes. "I just want you to do whatever you're comfortable with."

She couldn't see him, but she could hear the resignation in his voice. "OK." She heard his chair scrape across the floor as he stood up. "Tea?"

She groaned. "No… thanks. I should go face the music."

"Nina? Sweetheart? Can I come in?" Helga tapped lightly at Nina's closed door.

"Yes." Nina's squeaky little voice came muffled through the door.

She was sitting on her bed, Lucy up on the covers. The dog slid guiltily off when Helga opened the door, but she let it go. There were more important things going on than getting upset about the dog getting up on the furniture. She perched on the edge of the mattress.

"Are you angry?" Nina's red-rimmed eyes stared at her.

_Fuck this hurts. _"No! No sweetheart. Why would I be angry?" She leaned forward to grasp her daughter and pull her into her chest.

"We spied on you… and we pretended to be asleep when Steven came to check on us." Helga could hear the tears in her little girls voice. She smoothed her palm over Nina's hair, gently stroking her hair as she planted a kiss to her forehead.

"That was naughty of you, you're right." She sighed. "But I should have told you that Steven and I were kissing."

"Were you having sex?"

_Oh god. Where does she learn this? _"No. Steven and I didn't have sex." She forced her voice to stay calm, swallowed the humiliation. "Do you know what sex is?"

"Tina said…" _This should be good._

It took a while to explain the basics to her, but when she was done, Nina looked like she had just been told what goes into hotdogs.

"I don't think I want to do that." Her round little face was pale. Helga held back a giggle.

"You don't have to. It's your choice… and it's one you don't have to worry about until you're older."

"How old?"

"It depends… everyone is different."

She thought about that for a second. "How old were you?"

Helga cringed. The embarrassment Nina could cause with this information. "If I tell you about this stuff, you have to promise not to tell anyone else. This kind of thing is private, and I don't want anyone else to know. Is that OK?"

Nina nodded. "Promise."

"OK." She smoothed Nina's hair back again. "I was fifteen."

"Who was the boy?"

"He was my boyfriend, his name was Brian, but everyone called him Brainy."

She nodded. "And you did it with Daddy?"

"Yup… that's why you're here."

Nina nodded again, thinking for a second. "Do you do it with Arnold?"

_Jesus… why do they ask such distressing questions? _"No. Arnold and I don't do anything like that."

"Why not?"

"Because Arnold and I don't like each other like that."

"Why not?"

_Aren't you getting a bit too old for the _why _game? _"Sweetheart… I know you want Arnold to be your dad… but that kind of thing is something that Arnold and I would have to decide together. We can't do it just because you want us to."

Nina's little face fell. "That's what Arnold said."

_Oh god… what did they talk about? _"Aw love." She squeezed her daughter a little tighter. "Arnold will still be your friend, even if he isn't my boyfriend."

"But you're not going to marry Steven?"

She chuckled. "No… I won't marry Steven."

"But you can still kiss him?"

"I _can. _But I don't think I want to anymore."

Nina just nodded at that. She must have had too much on her mind, because she stopped with the questions.

"I need to go finish dinner… it's almost your bedtime!" Helga kissed the top of her daughter's head. "Think about it a bit and if you have any more questions, I'll answer them when you're in bed, OK?"

"OK Mum."

"I love you."

"I love you too."

She closed the door behind her and went into her bedroom. Pulling her cellphone from her bag she typed out a text to Steven.

_-I just had a very interesting conversation…_

He replied within minutes, while she was finishing slicing the tomatoes.

Steven – _I thought you might have. Would you like a summer or a winter wedding?_

God he could be a dork sometimes.

_-Just gimme a call when you can._

Her phone buzzed a few seconds later. "Hey." She chirped.

"_Good evening Ms Pataki_." Steven laughed_. "So… I assume we're in agreement?"_

"On what, exactly?"

"_That Tina's mother needs a clip across the ear?"_

She laughed. "I was thinking more a shovel to the back of the head… but then, I've always had a violent streak."

"_So… Nina OK?"_

"A bit freaked out, but she'll live. How's Maddy."

"_Excited about her new sister." _He sighed. _"So I suppose we have a decision to make?"_

"Yeah… I suppose so."

"_Either start officially dating or break it off?"_

"Yeah…" She swallowed.

"_You still don't want to date?" _He said it lightly… but she still felt guilty.

"I'm sorry."

"_It's OK." _He sighed. _"I can't say I'm surprised."_

She didn't know what to say. "Steven…"

"_Helga…" _He chuckled. _"Seriously. It's fine. It was fun… _very _fun. But I was never under the impression that you wanted anything more. You don't have to feel bad."_

"I feel bad."

"_I know… but you feel bad about _everything. _I'll see you next weekend, OK?"_

"OK… are you sure you're still alright with Nina staying over?"

"_Of course I am. Although now I'm not trying to impress her mother, I might get Nina to dig out a couple of stumps in the back yard… I've been meaning to get around to them for ages…"_

"I'll make sure she brings her gumboots then… she's good with the hedge-trimmers too, if you're shrubbery is in need of a tidy up?"

He laughed. _"Goodnight, Helga."_

"Nite Steven." The phone clicked off. She just stared at its little screen for a while, watched it brightly proclaim that it was locking itself.

_This. Sucks._

She hefted herself up and got back to being a mother again. By the time she finally had Nina fed, bathed, answered and asleep, she was exhausted… exhausted but wired.

She got into bed but couldn't sleep. She turned her light on, but couldn't concentrate on her book. She heard Amy and Jack come home, and Greg playing a computer game. She heard everyone knocking around, getting ready for bed, showering and brushing their teeth… until the house settled down and she could just hear the building creak, the rush of wind outside, the thrumming hiss of traffic…

Eventually, when the world outside had quietened and the city was asleep, she clicked her bedside lamp back on, threw back her covers and hunted around for a pen and a pad of paper.

For the first time in years, she wrote.


	15. Rent

"Mum!" Nina was waving frantically from where she stood on the sidewalk with Maddy and Steven.

Helga grinned and waved back, looking for a spot to pull the car up. Eventually she squeezed the Honda between two SUVs and got out to meet them.

She was conscious of the eyes of the soccer mums, but tried not to care when Steven gave her a quick, one-armed hug in greeting. "Hi." He smiled.

"Hi!" She looked down at the girls. "And hello to you, too." She patted them each on the head, knowing they were getting to the stage where they didn't want to be hugged in front of their peers.

They stood around chatting for a bit, the girls telling the adults about their day, the adults telling the girls that no, they couldn't have a sleep over that night… it was a school night.

Steven laughed as Maddy and Nina glowered, putting their little heads together to plot against their horrible parents.

"Hey… do you know that guy?" He asked suddenly, nodding across the road. "He's staring at you." Helga followed his line of sight.

_Shit._

She felt the blood drain out of her face.

Without realising it, her hand reached out to grasp Steven's wrist. "Hey… what's wrong?" He asked softly, his eyes full of concern.

"That's…" she glanced down at Nina, but she was deep in conversation. "Mark."

And it was, sitting in his black Toyota, glaring at her from across the road. His window was rolled down and his arm was lolling against the side of the car, a lit cigarette smouldering away between his fingers. A sneer curled up one side of his mouth as she watched him. He looked older, somehow. Stubble darkened his jaw, his hair – usually styled - was messy, his skin looked pallid.

_What is he doing here? _She felt like she might throw up.

Steven didn't even blink. Straightening up, he glanced over the road to where Mark was staring at them. "Take the girls inside and call the police. I'll make sure he doesn't follow you."

She just nodded, she chirped some excuse about needing to see the receptionist and led the girls inside. Her entire being strained. He was just across the road, a few yards away. She had to force herself not to look back, she kept expecting to hear him yell something, to hear heavy footfalls as he started to chase her.

It took all the control she had not to snatch Nina up in her arms and break into a run.

"Hi Helga!" The receptionist beamed from across her desk.

Helga tried to smile, but her face felt froze. "Hey, Annette." She swallowed, forcing down the panic, forcing her heart back down her throat. "Would it be OK for me to use the phone?"

"Sure… are you OK?" Annette was frowning. Helga must have looked like she had just seen a ghost.

Helga shook her head, glancing pointedly at the girls. "Yeah, fine. Is there somewhere the girls can sit?"

She was lucky that Annette was a smart woman. "Sure!" She said brightly, instantly grasping that there was something _up, _and standing up from the desk. "Do you girls want to see the staff room?"

The girls were amazed. The _staff room? _That was hallowed ground! They nodded, dumbstruck.

"Feel free to use the phone on my desk, Helga. Dial 1 to get out." Annette called over her should as she led the girls off down the hall.

Helga waited till they were out of sight before she sat down, picking up the receiver with shaking hands to call 911.

"Yes, hello? I need the police…" She tried to stop herself from gasping as she spoke to the operator. "My ex-partner has turned up at my daughter's school… I have a restraining order against him…" Her eyes were locked on the double doors, terrified that he would burst through them at any moment.

She strained her ears, trying to hear if there was any commotion outside. She gave the operator her details mechanically, not thinking about what she was saying. Her name, Mark's name, the school, the make of his car, his license plate number… she just parroted it down the phone without even really noticing.

The police were there in ten minutes… the longest ten minutes of Helga's life. She paced the reception room, waiting… where was Steven? Where were the police? She wanted to go outside, but the operator had told her to stay in the building…

Steven led one of the cops into the office, smiling comfortingly at Helga as he came in. "He left about twenty seconds after you came in." He put his around her shoulders. "I stayed outside to make sure he didn't come back."

Helga nodded. "Thanks… thank you Steven." She wanted to go home… she felt too _exposed_ here… But of course, the cops wanted to ask her questions…

No, she hadn't known he was going to be there.

No, she hadn't had any contact with him since the restraining order was put in place.

No, she hadn't spoken to any of his friends or family.

No, she didn't know how he had found them.

No, she didn't know where he would be staying.

No, she wouldn't be alone that night.

No, she didn't think he knew where she was living.

Yes, please, she would like a police escort back home… just in case.

"Call me if you need anything?" Steven helped her into her car.

"Of course." But she knew she wouldn't ask anything of him. She just wanted to be _home_… She wanted it so bad it almost itched. She put her hand on her chest, trying to slow her heart. Her throat was closed, her eyes were sore… she had pins and needles in her fingers…

She had no idea how she managed to get home in one piece. She unbuckled Nina from her seat, noting how the girl scrutinised the two policemen, getting out of their car behind them. "Mummy?" She whispered, her arms clenched around Helga's neck as Helga lifted her from the car. "Did you do something wrong?"

Helga smiled, smoothed back her hair. "No, sweetheart… I'm not in trouble."

"Why are there policemen following us?" She was staring, her eyes wide.

Helga sighed, grabbing Nina's bag with her fingertips and banging the door shut with her foot. "Do you remember when we talked about how Daddy isn't allowed to see us anymore?"

"Because he hits." She was still whispering. The poor thing looked terrified. Helga's heart bled.

"Yes, because he hits. Well, he broke the rules. He tried to see us… so now the policemen are just making sure that we're safe."

Nina seemed satisfied with that. She'd probably have lots of questions later, once she had thought about it a while, but in the meantime, she was too busy studying the cops to barrage Helga with queries.

"Helga?" Arnold was on the stoop, Lucy at his feet. His eyes were wide. "What's going on?"

It took forever to get herself sorted. By the time she'd managed to put some food in Nina's stomach and settle her down with a box of crayons, the cops were saying their goodbyes.

"Don't hesitate to call us if you hear from him." They were saying, shaking Arnold's hand and thanking him for the coffee.

"I won't. Thanks for your help." Arnold closed the door behind them, making sure it was locked tight. He turned to where Helga stood in the hallway. "I should text Amy and Greg… tell them to keep an eye out…" He walked right past her, pulling his phone out from his pocket.

She didn't know what to do. Walking into the kitchen, she pulled a box of fish fingers from the freezer. She had planned on making pasta, but it was too late for that now. She threw a handful of the disgusting sticks into a tray and put them in the oven. One night of this crap wouldn't hurt Nina.

She was slicing tomatoes for a salad when she slipped. When she thought about it later, she didn't even know if she had been looking or not… but she could remember how it felt. The quick slash slipping through her skin, distracting her from whatever it was that she was thinking.

She'd taken the tip off her middle finger, carved off the pad in a little oval slice. _Ouch. _She thought vaguely…

_Ouch…_

"Shit!" She yelled. Throwing the knife down into the sink. It HURT. She grabbed the base of her finger and squeezed it hard, trying to stop the stream of blood that suddenly welled up, running down onto her hand.

Her jaw clenched, she squeezed her eyes shut. She was so angry she could have screamed. Her body hummed with the unfulfilled desire to hit something.

"Shit… shit shit shit shit shit." She spat the words out under her breath, her hands shaking she was so mad.

"Helga?" She snapped her eyes open. Arnold was in the doorway, frowning.

"Can you look after Nina for a minute?" She asked.

He stared. "Uh… sure… are you OK?" His eyes were on her finger, dripping blood on the floor.

"Fine." She spat. She needed to get out. She felt like a caged animal, ready to lash out. "I need to go for a walk." She let go of her bleeding finger and wrenched a wad of paper towels from where they hung on the wall.

"That's probably not the best idea…" Arnold's voice was soft, but firm. He stepped into the room.

She shook her head. "If I don't do something, I'm going to go crazy." She hissed through gritted teeth. It was just all too much. She needed to get out of the house_._

"Better crazy than dead." He said flatly. "Go upstairs… go run around on the roof if you have to. But if you try to leave the house alone, I'll stop you."

She glared at him. The logical part of her brain knew he was right… but what was she supposed to do? They stood there, facing each other.

…

…

…

"You're bleeding." He said eventually.

_Well done, Captain Obvious. _She managed to hold back her sneer. "I cut my finger."

"Do you want me to get the first aid kit?" He was just standing there… where was his soft concern? Why wasn't he holding her hands, pulling the paper towel from her to see how bad it was? Why wasn't he putting his arms around her and pulling her close…

_Because you told him not to… that's why. Stupid._

She was so close to tears. "Yes, please."

He rustled around in the cupboard over the fridge, pulling out a great green lunchbox. He sighed as he plonked it down on the table. "How bad is it?"

Helga shrugged. "It hurts enough."

"Want me to have a look at it?" _He's so careful now… did I really do this?_

She shook her head, terrified that she was about to start crying. "No… thanks."

He sighed again. "OK."

After he left she pulled the paper towels from her finger, and winced. It was hideous… and sore. She stepped to the sink to rinse it, squealing through clenched teeth as the water ran over the exposed nerves.

"…" she squeaked as she turned off the tap. Who knew a cut finger could hurt so much? She dabbed it dry with a clean paper towel, and clumsily put two plasters over it, one around, the other over the top.

It felt like her finger was shoved into a wad of playdough.

Sighing, she moved to the bench, threw the bloodied tomatoes into the compost bin. _What a waste._

Would she be a bad mother if she fed Nina nothing but fish fingers for dinner? She could hear her daughter prattling on in the dining room, her chatter punctuated by Arnold's low laugh, his gentle questions.

She gripped the bench, wincing as she put pressure on her finger. She felt so fucking alone… and it was no ones fault but her own.

_Shit._

She squeezed her eyes shut, trying to calm herself down.

She didn't even think when a knocking echoed down the hall, but just stepped forward, acting on autopilot as she moved to answer the door.

"_Helga!"_ Arnold hissed from the dining room. _"Wait."_ She stumbled to a stop, suddenly realising what she was doing.

There was another knock at the door. A loud, insistent banging…


	16. Scrap

"Take Nina upstairs and call the cops." Arnold's voice was soft, but insistent.

Helga shook herself. It couldn't really be Mark on the other side of the door, could it? How did he find them?

The dog _wuffed_, sniffing at the crack at the bottom of the door.

"Helga… please." She blinked, she'd been staring into space again. She wanted to protest. She was sick of feeling scared… but the look on Arnold's face made her arguments die in her throat. She had never seen him so furious.

'I… I should tell him to leave…" Helga breathed. There was no conviction in her voice.

He shook his head. "Please… Helga. Trust me?"

What could she say to that? She nodded. Creeping into the dining room, she whispered to Nina. "Come on love, we're going upstairs."

Helga's heart cramped… Nina just nodded, dutifully climbing down off her chair and reaching to hold her mothers hand. Only a kid who knew what the tense voices and strange orders meant would react so calmly to being told to stop playing.

Her anger fizzed again. _How dare he… _She bit the inside of her cheek to focus herself.

She followed Nina up the stairs, glancing back at Arnold as he watched them go, his face oddly set. _He's probably regretting ever letting me in the front door. _She sighed.

"Is that Dad outside?" Nina whispered as they entered her bedroom.

Helga nodded. "I think so, sweetheart."

"Are you going to call the police?" She climbed up onto her bed, her big eyes wide with anxiety.

Helga tried to quell the rolling in her stomach. _No child should have to go through this… I am so, so sorry_. "Yes. But until they get here, Arnold and Lucy will make sure Daddy stays outside."

Nina nodded. "I don't want him to come in…" Her whisper was so soft, Helga could barely hear it. Her heart quivered as it threatened to break. The poor little girl…

"I just have to get my cellphone. Can you wait here?"

She nodded again.

Helga dashed quickly out into the hallway, stumbling when Mark's bellow sang through the air.

"_HELGA… I KNOW YOU'RE IN THERE."_

She was frozen, a lump of ice in her throat. She couldn't move for the span of one… two heartbeats.

He banged on the door again. _He isn't going to go away_. Steeling herself, she popped her head back into Nina's room. "I'm going to go downstairs and see if Arnold's OK… is that alright?"

Nina nodded. "You're very brave, sweetheart." Helga smiled. She shut Nina's bedroom door behind her. Zipping quickly through her room, she grabbed her cellphone off her bed and crept down to sit halfway down the stairs.

Arnold was standing at the front door, his hands balled into fists, his eyes screwed shut. His chest was rising and falling with his deep, slow breaths. Lucy was growling at the door, her feet planted on the carpet, her hackles raised.

She unlocked her phone, and for the second time that day, called 911.

Arnold flinched at the noise and looked up to glare at her. _Go upstairs. _He mouthed, pointing viciously towards the ceiling. She shook her head.

"Police." She whispered into the phone. "Yes, hi, I have a restraining order against my ex-partner, and he just turned up at my house, and he was waiting outside my daughters school this afternoon…" she parroted off all her information again, including the incident number from the earlier call… all the while being watched by Arnold, a strange, severe look on his face.

"He's just banging on the door and yelling, he hasn't…" Helga groaned as another voice floated up the stairs from outside.

"_Um, excuse me, can I help you?" _Amy.

Arnold's eyes were as round as saucers, his gaze flitted from Helga to the door, a pained expression twisted his mouth.

"_I'm looking for Helga…" _Shit… Mark's voice was low, dangerous… Helga moved to stand, she needed to get Amy inside!

"My flatmate just turned up." She whispered frantically into the phone. "She's outside talking to him…"

"_Well maybe you should look somewhere else. Can you move aside please?" _Amy's terse voice was as clear as a bell. Helga flinched.

"Stay there!" Arnold barked, as close as he could get to yelling while still speaking in a whisper. Helga's foot hung in mid air, halfway to the next step. She gaped at him.

He screwed his eyes shut for a second, the weirdest expression on his face, like he was about to jump off a high-diving board… before he quickly turned the lock, twisted the handle, and opened the door a crack.

He gave her the oddest look as he put his foot in front of the dog to keep her in… then he stepped outside.

"_Get inside."_ His voice was a soft rumble.

"_Who is this guy?"_ Amy asked, sassy till the end.

"_Just get inside, please."_ He repeated, and a second later Amy scrambled through into the hall.

The door shut with a _click_ behind her.

Helga stepped towards the door, shaking. Why hadn't Arnold come back inside?

"_Helga? Helga?" _She blinked, put her phone back up to her ear.

"Arnold's just gone outside… he's out there alone with Mark…" Her voice was wooden, her hands had turned to ice.

_Please don't hurt him… please…_

"_She doesn't want to speak to you, and you're violating a restraining order." _Arnold's voice was so level, so… measured. It sent chills down Helga's spine. "_The police are on their way."_

Mark laughed. "_So _you're _the douchebag she left for? Stupid bitch is even dumber than I thought_." Helga winced.

"_Amy, lock the door."_ Arnold called, his voice a little louder. Amy obeyed, reaching up to turn the lock until it snicked into place.

"You can't do that!" Helga gasped. "He won't be able to get back in!"

"He knows what he's doing." Amy frowned, leaning her ear up against the door to hear better. "I'll open it when I have to."

The dog was clawing at the door, alternately growing and whining. "Shush." Amy hissed, but Lucy paid no attention.

"_Well?" _Mark's voice was venomous… the chill of recognition shook Helga as she listened to his vitriol. "_Is the bitch inside? Is my _fucking daughter _in this shit-pile of a house?"_

There was a low murmur from the other side of the door. Amy's eyes were wide, she glanced over at Helga, but Helga couldn't hear what was happening. She tiptoed down a few stairs, gripping her cellphone in her hand, the 911 call completely forgotten.

Amy started digging around in her handbag, keys and coins jingling as she searched through her crap for a little silver canister. Pepper spray.

Helga whispered frantically. "What's happening?"

"Arnold's defending your honour." Amy's mouth twisted into a wry smile. "He can get a pretty good mouth on him, when he wants to."

Helga took another few steps. _Please… please don't do anything stupid._

Then she heard something that made her blood run cold. Mark laughed. A low, sinister chuckle that she had only heard a few times before, but she would never forget…

There was a scuffling sound, a short exclamation, and a _crack. _The dog barked before she threw herself up against the door, her lips pulled back to show her teeth.

"_Talk to me like that you little shit! You think I'm just going to let a scrawny little cunt-" _Mark's vile rant was cut short with a _snap_ and a _thump_.

Amy was scrabbling to unlock the door, the pepper spray brandished in her hand. She flung the door open, grabbed Arnold by the sleeve of his shirt and tugged him inside. Lucy leaped through the open door, launching herself onto Mark where he sprawled on the steps. She gripped his arm above the elbow, tugging him down as he tried to stand up.

"FUCKING CUNT!" Mark was screaming, he smacked ineffectively at Lucy's head. It was like something out of a cop show. Lucy just held, weighting him down, stopping him from moving. He was thrashing, howling with rage.

"Mum?" _NO! _Nina was at the top of the stairs, her face completely white.

"Go back upstairs, I'll be there soon."

"But he'll hurt Lucy!" Her daughter's face crumpled, her little arms reached out.

_Shit._ Helga looked back to the scene on the steps. Arnold staggered a little as he tried to step forward to grab Lucy. Amy tugged him back, trying to get the door closed. There was blood everywhere… She _did not_ want her daughter seeing this.

"Ducy!" Arnold called, his voice all nasal and muffled through the hand he had clamped over his nose. "DUCY! CUMBH!" Lucy dropped Marks arm and backed, growling, through the door to bump her rear against Arnold's leg.

Amy slammed the door shut and turned the lock.

It took a second for Helga to realise she could hear sirens. She looked at the phone in her hand, it was still on the 911 call. She put it up to her ear.

"We might need an ambulance."

She dashed into the kitchen, pulled a clean tea towel from the drawer, ran it under the cold tap and went back out to the hall. Arnold had slumped against the wall, his hand still over his face.

"Nina, honey… can you bring me one of the old towels from the hall cupboard?" She'd seen the worst… at least she could make Nina feel useful, instead of making her hide up in her room. Nina nodded and ran off.

"Let me see." She hummed, kneeling down in front of Arnold, Mark was screaming outside the front door, but Helga didn't care. He could yell all he wanted. The worse he looked now, the longer he'd spend in jail.

Arnold glared at her, but took his hand away from his face. Blood dripped off his hands, landing on his shirt and jeans. She sucked a breath in through her teeth. His nose was swollen, twice its normal size. It had been pushed clear to the left side of his face. "Oh, you poor thing." She hushed, pressing the cold fabric gently to his swollen face. He winced.

"Letd bme." It took her a second to figure out what he was saying, but when his hands came up to take the cloth from her, she let him have it.

"Sounds like the cops are almost here." Amy said softly, her head cocked to one side. She was right, the sirens were getting close. Helga just stayed where she was, kneeling on the floor between Arnold's outstretched legs.

"Thank you sweetheart." She took the towel off Nina when it was offered. Leaning forward, she blotted it at the blood on his shirt. His eyes opened a crack, giving her that strange look again, before he let his head slump against the wall.

"Does it hurt?" Nina asked softly, standing behind Helga, shifting her weight from foot to foot.

He nodded. "Dess."

"Uh… guys… I think he might be coming around the back…" Amy's voice shivered a little.

"Det himb…" Arnold's breath wheezed. "Back dorbs ldocked." There was a tense pause, everyone listening intently, trying to figure out what was happening…

"Do you need an asprin?" Nina asked gently, leaning down to pat at Arnold's knee. He opened his eyes again.

Reaching a hand out to quickly squeeze Nina's, he sighed. "Dho… buht dahnks." He jumped when there was a knock at the door.

"_Helga Pataki?"_ A strangers voice boomed through the suddenly quiet house. _"Police."_

Amy opened the door…

"Excuse me… but can I just see Arnold before they take him away?" She was trying to be polite, but she was tired… and hungry.

"Sure." The cop who was taking her statement smiled. "I'll be right here."

"Thanks."

She approached Arnold slowly, conscious of his eyes on her. "Hi."

"Hhy." He had a fresh white wad of cotton pressed to his nose.

"Are they taking you to hospital?" He just nodded in reply.

"Do… do you want me to come with you?" Why did she feel so shy?

He shook his head. "Sday 'ere wibth your _dauhbter_." His voice, mangled as it was, was harsh. She stared at him for a second. The look in his eyes was full of anger… he looked like he _hated _her.

She just nodded. "OK." She shuffled her feet. "I'm so sorry, Arnold… about everything." She couldn't meet his gaze, as full as it was with loathing. "Thank you." She heard his heavy sigh as she turned away…

… but he didn't say anything.


	17. Warm

Helga woke with a crick in her neck and the sun in her face. She groaned, twisted her face into the pillow…

… hold on… pillow?

She cracked an eye open an peered around the room. She was in the lounge, where she had obviously fallen asleep the night before. But when she had finally succumbed to sleep, she had just been leaning up against the arm-rest, with her reading blanket over her legs.

Now two of the pillows from her bed were cradling her face, and her down comforter was tucked in around her…

_Arnold. _It had to be… no one else would tuck her in to bed… he must have finally come home after she had passed out from exhaustion. She snuggled down beneath the duvet, unwilling to face the world just yet…

The previous evening had been a nightmare. Amy had been wrong when she thought Mark was coming around the back. What he was actually doing was running from the police sirens_. _Lord knows why he didn't drive, but when the cops caught up with him, forty minutes and thirteen blocks later, he had attacked one of them, screaming threats and obscenities.

He'd ended up with a face full of pepper spray.

Apparently he'd been drunk. _Shitfaced, _as one of the cops had put it, and probably on other drugs too… but they would need to do a drug test to confirm that.

Nina had been oddly OK with the entire fiasco. After Arnold left, and the police had had a little chat with her, she had dampened a tea towel and wiped Mark's blood from Lucy's face. Just like she'd seen Helga do earlier… it was a little cute, but mostly disturbing. A policeman gave her the number for a good child therapist… but Helga wondered if Dr. Bliss was still practicing…

She sighed. Her poor little girl.

The clinking of crockery in the kitchen caught her attention. It was early, the sun was just shaking off the soft sideways slant of dawn. It _had _to be Arnold.

Feeling weirdly calm, she threw back her comforter – wincing when she put pressure on her cut finger - and put her feet on the floor. _Tssss. _It was cold. Where were her slippers? She was sure she had still been wearing them the night before…

… of course. They had been taken off her feet, and were sitting on the carpet next to the sofa. Her stomach trembled. _I don't want to leave this house. _

She pulled the sweater she was wearing tight around her shoulders as she padded into the kitchen – being careful of her finger this time. It seemed colder than usual this morning… or maybe she was just cold inside.

He was standing at the coffee maker, in his track pants and sweatshirt… exactly like she had seen him a thousand times before. But this wasn't those times… this could possibly be the last time she would ever see him like this.

She took a deep breath, bit her lip. She needed to keep herself collected.

"Arnold?" Her voice cracked as she said his name out loud.

He turned to look at her, smiled. "Morning. Coffee?"

She just stood there, dumbfounded. He didn't wait for an answer, but put the pot back on the warming plate and pressed in the orange button. Moving about the kitchen, he pulled two mugs from the mug cupboard, and the bowl of sugar with its crocheted cover from the tea cupboard…

_This is too normal._ She didn't know what to do. She had been expecting… well, she didn't know what she had been expecting, but something other than _ordinary._

Once he had everything lain out for their coffees, he turned to face her, his head cocked slightly to the side as he looked her up and down. "So… big night last night, huh?" A smile quirked up the side of his mouth.

"Oh Arnold…" she groaned. "Your _face…" _She stepped forward. Her hands itched to reach up and touch him, but she jammed them under her arms. His _poor face. _His nose was still swollen, although not crooked anymore. Dark bruises smudged under both his eyes, swelling them slightly so he looked like a strange, sad caricature of himself. She bit her lip. _Don't cry, stop being at the centre of _all_ drama!_

He just kinda shrugged, reaching up to touch at the bridge of his nose, before flinching… He didn't say anything though… just looked at her…

She shuffled a bit. _Suck it up… just ask… _She drew in a breath. "Do you want us to leave?" Her voice was rushed, husky… she didn't sound how she had wanted to, she didn't sound matter-of-fact and together… she sounded _hurt._

He frowned, pushing himself off the bench to close the gap between them with one step. "No!" He looked angry again, she instinctively leaned back… "Shit." He sighed, his shoulders slumping, his face crumpling. "Damn it, Helga! Why do you say things like that? Why on _earth _would you think I want you to go?"

She shrugged, keeping her eyes focussed on the middle of his forehead, too nervous to meet his gaze. "You were so angry… and I've caused all of this…" she gestured to his face, unable to explain herself properly now that he was right here. She couldn't think, couldn't get her sentences straight when he seemed so mad. It did something to her, froze her…

He put his hands on her shoulders. She stiffened. _This is the first time he's touched me since New Years…_ "I'm sorry for snapping at you last night… but I wasn't angry at you… I was angry at _him… _and me…" He squeezed her shoulders a little. "I want you to stay. OK?"

It was all too much. She felt her chin wobble as she tried to sniff back her tears. She nodded, too close to crying to reply… His eyebrows drew together, his eyes widening as though he was in pain. "Shit, Helga…" His breath seemed weirdly shallow. "I don't know what to do here!" He stared at her for a second… his eyes searching her face. "Can I hug you? Is that OK?"

She nodded. _Please. _

His arms pulled her in to him, mushing her face into the front of his sweatshirt. His hands wrapped around her shoulders and pulled her in tight, gripping at the top of her arms. Her breath shuddered as she tried to inhale. "What can I ever do to thank you?" She asked, her question muted against his chest.

She felt his chest rumble as he chuckled. "I dunno… dinner sometime?"

She shook her head, stray hairs rubbing against her face as she moved against the cotton of his top. How could he be so casual? He had taken a fist to the face for her… a dinner wasn't going to cut it. "Somehow I don't think a few lasagnes could ever make up for what you've done for us."

He rumbled again, his fingers tensing for a second. "No… I mean…" She could hear the whoosh of air rushing into his lungs as he drew in a deep breath. "let me take you to dinner… on a date…"

She felt herself tense up… "This is a joke, right?" She spat, reacting purely on instinct.

He sighed, his fingers loosened slightly. "If you're not interested, you can just say so." He sounded… sad… and a little fed up.

She pulled back to look at him. "Wh-why?"

He raised an eyebrow at her. He had this weird look on his face, like he was about to laugh, but also strangely sad… "Why… am I asking you out?"

She nodded.

"The usual reasons?" He squeezed her arms a little. "You do know why people date, right?" He was teasing her… and she had no idea how to react.

Her head was reeling… this was all just too much to take it. After the tension of the night before, and the relief of this morning… then _this? _She had never felt so stupid in her life. She just stared.

He closed his eyes. She took the opportunity to study his face… bruised as it was, he was still beautiful… "I like you." He breathed. "And sometimes I get the feeling you like me too…"

"You don't like me." She gasped, her disbelief plain in her voice. "Since when have you liked _me_?"

He paused for a second, his eyes cracking open to look at her. "I'm not sure… it kinda snuck up on me."

"But… you never said anything…" _Yeah, well you never said anything either, did you?_ _Just say yes! Why are you stalling?_ But she was scared… that weightless feeling was surging in her stomach, like in the few moments before you flung yourself down a massive flying fox. She needed to gather her courage.

The look on his face was incredulous. "_I kissed you!_" His voice was soft, but completely stunned. "And you yelled at me… I just figured you didn't want…" he trailed off… sighed… "Did you really not get it?"

She shook her head.

The smile returned to his lips. "And I thought I was being way too obvious..."

"Why now, then?" She couldn't help but ask pointless questions. She couldn't help but drag the moment out a little longer. Fear, as well as excitement, danced through her veins.

He looked at her for a second before he answered. His eyes had always been so beautiful… such a clear green… something inside her snapped into place. This was _Arnold_… _her _Arnold. She knew what she wanted, she knew who he was. She didn't have to freak out the way that she was.

Sure. This was the thing she had wanted desperately for almost all of her life… if it didn't work out, it would crush her… But she was Helga G. Pataki… and as lame as that sounded, she knew what it meant. She was brave. She wasn't a little girl anymore, afraid of being teased. The person she wanted, wanted her back, and she wasn't going to let that pass.

"I may have told Phoebe everything…" He admitted, his cheeks reddening a little. "She seemed to think I should try again… but not to… uh… spring anything physical on you."

"Last night?" She groaned at herself when she asked more questions… but this one was genuine. She knew she'd have to talk to _lawyer _Phoebe today.

He nodded. "She drove me home… she came inside to see if you were OK, but you were already asleep."

She felt a smile tremble at her lips. "Thanks for the pillows…" she breathed. Her heart fluttered in her chest. _Of course he likes you, you moron! Look at what he does for you!_

"My pleasure. I didn't want to wake you… after everything…" He trailed off again, his gaze roving over her. Her heart hitched, just like it had before he had kissed her on New Years. He had that same look on his face. How had she been so blind? How had she ever thought that kiss had been platonic?

"OK." She whispered. Answering a question that had been asked minutes before.

His eyebrow twitched up. "OK?" _Oh god… his voice. _She had always loved his voice. Soft and husky… and now it was full of question… of anticipation.

She nodded. "Yes… I… would love to go out with you."

He blinked, his face running through a hundred emotions before he just sort of collapsed. His arms pulled her into his chest again and he bent his head to rest his cheek on her head… his long, relieved sigh huffed through her hair. "Tonight?" He asked.

It was her turn to chuckle. "I can't leave Nina with a sitter after last night…" She let her arms drop from where they were crossed between them, and gripped his sweatshirt in her fingers. "Friday?" she asked, breathing in the scent of him. God it felt good to be this close.

He groaned. "I suppose I can wait two days…" he sighed… "I've waited this long."

She giggled. _Waited this long? You have no idea, Bucko._


	18. Sink

"Are you OK?" His face matched his voice… concerned. They sat at a tiny table in the corner of a tiny restaurant. A candle was lit between them, casting shaking shadows across his face as she turned her gaze to him.

She nodded, stopping her fork in mid-air, halfway to her mouth. "Yeah… I… uh… why?"

He sighed, put down his cutlery to look at her. "You're really quiet…"

She shrugged, tried to smile. Her tongue stuck to the roof of her mouth. God he was gorgeous. She barely even noticed the dark bruises under his eyes and across his nose… although other people obviously did. He had shifted uncomfortably under the curious stares he attracted, but _she _didn't care. He was still beautiful.

"I…" he frowned briefly. "I can take you home, if you want…"

She had no elegant answer to that. "Why… uh…" She took a breath. _Jesus Helga, get a grip on yourself! _She steeled herself. "I'm _nervous._" She breathed, finally, her eyes glancing up to meet his.

He smiled at that. "I was kinda worried… that I'd manipulated you into this or something…" He admitted, his long fingers toying with the handle of his knife.

"Manipulated me?" She blinked. What on earth?

He shrugged, smiled that rueful smile he had. "Like… um… _I got punched for you, so now you owe me a date_… or something." His voice trailed off.

A giggle escaped from her lips, bubbling up and bursting forth against her will. She shook her head. "No… Arnold, you didn't _manipulate _me… I _want…"_ She hesitated. _I want _you. "… this"

He eyeballed her for a second before relaxing a little. "OK." He smiled, picking his fork back up. "So…" He stabbed at his tortellini. "Tell me about yourself, Ms Pataki." He grinned before putting food in his mouth, regarding her as he chewed.

She blushed, pushed her risotto around on her plate. She was so nervous she could hardly eat. She'd been this nervous for days, since he had asked her to dinner. "Uh… well…" She tried to smile. "What do you want to know?"

He swallowed. "What do you want to do?"

"Like, when I grow up?" She raised an eyebrow.

"Something like that." He grinned, putting more food in his mouth.

She thought for a second. "I don't know. Nina takes up most of my time now… I mean, I can't live on the bones of my ass like how I used to, eating two minute noodles for days on end while I write…" She shrugged. "I suppose I just want to be a good mum? Get Nina through to adulthood relatively unscathed?"

He nodded at that, still smiling. "Do you still _want_ to write?"

"Of course I do… but it takes time. I need long stretches of uninterrupted _time _to write anything worth reading… which is something I don't have." She pushed her food around some more. "Maybe when she's a bit older…" she sighed.

"I've seen you writing recently…" His voice was softer now, less jokey. His eyes were so full of… something… something soft… She melted a little.

"Just dabbling… helps me sort my head out sometimes." Her throat felt oddly tight.

But he didn't press it. "What about travel? You always wanted to go to Paris, didn't you?"

She laughed at that. "When I was _nine!_" _How does he remember this stuff? _"Not that I'd turn my nose up at the opportunity… travelling _anywhere _would be amazing… but it's another thing I can't really do with Nina."

He mulled that over for a minute, his eyes on her as he continued on his dinner. His silence gave her the opportunity to pick a bit more at her food, chewing slowly.

"Do you think you'll ever want more kids?"

She choked, spluttering on her rice. _Jesus! _She took a deep sip of her wine, cleared her throat.

"Done dying?" He smiled.

"Uh… yeah…" She stammered. _Just answer the question… he isn't asking to father your children… calm down… _"Um… I don't really know?" She avoided looking directly in his eyes. "I was careful to not have any more with Mark…" she sighed. "But I suppose I haven't ruled it out?" She shrugged. "Having one kid without a dad is hard enough. I'd have to be pretty sure of, um, the relationship I was in, to have more..."

He nodded, looking totally at ease, comfortable asking _heavy _questions. She marvelled at him. "What about you, Shortman." She pointed her fork at him. "You wanna be a daddy?"

He nodded. "Totally. But I'm like you, I wouldn't want to have kids with someone if I wasn't totally secure with them…"

_Typical… not at all flustered… _She shoved a forkful of risotto into her mouth to fill the silence.

"Why are you nervous?" He asked once she had swallowed. He had let go of his fork again. His elbow was on the table, his chin in his hand as he leaned forward to listen to her.

She felt her cheeks redden. _This _was a different sort of question… "Uh… I don't know…" She couldn't meet his eye. _Oh god… why is he so… searching? _He was silent, waiting patiently for her to give him a better answer. "I'm pretty good at ruining stuff…" she ended up whispering, feeling like a complete ass as she mumbled the words.

He was quiet for a second. "Like on New Years?" He asked softly. She glanced up at him, but he didn't seem to be accusing her. She nodded, bit her lip. He was silent for a second more… "What was that about?"

She supposed it was too much to ask that such an embarrassing episode could just be forgotten about. She grimaced. "I… uh…" She sighed. _Just spit it out. _"You confused me…"

He chuckled at that. "Yeah… I can understand that… I was pretty confused myself for a while there."

Well, that was interesting… "Yeah?"

He nodded. His eyes darted away from hers as he picked his fork up again. _He doesn't look so calm now. _He fiddled with his pasta. "It took me a while to admit that I really like you." He said simply, his eyes glued to his plate. "And I didn't really know what to do about it…"

He looked up her, his green eyes catching her off guard. That sudden _pushing _feeling shoved up at her belly. She found herself leaning forward a little, wanting to be _closer. _"Sorry if I was, um, _erratic." _His smile came out sad.

_Well, I suppose that explains a bit… _She thought about his odd behaviour. How he ran so hot and cold for a while. She still couldn't quite believe it though… Arnold _liked _her? Enough to get all weird over it? It just didn't compute. "When did you, uh, realise?" She asked, before she even realised she was talking.

He smiled, one corner of his mouth curling up. OK, so he apparently liked it when she asked questions…

"Ah…" He closed his eyes for a second. "I don't really know…" She waited patiently for a better answer. Eventually, he sighed. "Can I tell you this when we're alone?" His eyes, open now, pleaded with her.

_Alone._

"So, you still owe me an answer…" Helga grinned cheekily before stretching in a yawn. _This is so nice… it couldn't possibly be any better. _They were so much more comfortable around each other at home…

He chuckled, the arm around her shoulder tugged her into his chest a little further. "You don't wanna watch the movie?" His voice was impossibly soft.

She shook her head. "There's no dialogue…" she waved dismissively at the TV, where _The Triplets of Belleville _was playing in all of its sepia glory. "I think I can keep up with the storyline…"

He sighed. "OK. So the question is, when did I realise I _like you_… like you?" She nodded, holding her breath to stop herself from giggling like a moronic schoolgirl.

He took a second to think about it… "Remember the blanket fort?" His hand searched for her under the blanket, found her knees. He pulled her legs to lie across his thighs as she nodded, her heart suddenly in her throat. "That was the first time I figured it was more than just liking how you look… and just feeling protective…"

_He likes how I look? _From her new position, twisted so that she was basically cradled against him, she stared up at him. "But… that was _ages _ago…" He liked her from all the way back then? It made no sense!

He smiled sadly, shrugged. "I know… I tried to forget about it, I mean, I was with Rose… and you're… _Helga._" He grinned. "I never in a million years thought I would…" he trailed off, his forehead creasing in a frown for a second, before he just laughed.

"It got so much worse when you started seeing Steven…" he admitted with a sigh. "I was so jealous."

She stared. It did kind of explain stuff, but she didn't quite believe it. "_Jealous?_" She parroted, too stunned to think of a real question.

His eyes screwed shut for a moment. "That first time, when you came back in the middle of the night, and just wandered around the house in your… uh…"

"I remember…" Helga groaned. She had been so embarrassed, having Arnold see her in nothing but a t-shirt and panties.

He squeezed her tighter. "I honestly had no idea what to do. I was so…" he sighed.

"So… what?" She asked gently, surprising herself.

He smiled, the hand on her knee pulled out from under the blanket and came up to tug the fine gold chain around her neck, out from under her shirt. He regarded the dangling heart charm before speaking.

"So jealous… so confused… so guilt-ridden…" His thumb brushed her jawline, making the breath in her lungs whoosh out as her ribs cramped. "… and, uh, pretty turned on… to be honest with you…" He blushed at that. "Which just made me more jealous, confused and guilt-ridden…" He shrugged. "Sorry…"

She didn't know what to say… the idea that she _turned him on_ had completely fried her brain.

He lowered her charm back to her chest, the backs of his fingers brushing lightly over the skin of her throat… _please kiss me… _He sighed. "And it kinda culminated when Nina took her fall." He said finally. "Rose was supposed to come over after her shift that night… and I realised that I would rather be sitting in a cold, shitty waiting room with you - even if you were crying and your daughter was hurt – than be at home in bed with my girlfriend…"

She knew she was staring… but what could she say?

"So, your turn." He grinned. His hand came up to her face, stroking the backs of his fingers down her cheek. She shifted, pushed harder against him. His mouth twitched up. Watching her face, the hand at her cheek moved around to grasp her hip, to pull her closer, her thighs riding up over his as he dragged her up so that she was _almost _sitting on his lap. "Do you… like me too?" His hushed question made her heart flutter… their faces were so much closer now… she could just lean forward…

She nodded.

"Since when?" He asked, the hand at her hip slipping up to her waist. She couldn't stand it, her thighs were tingling, her arms felt like jelly. A slow heat was burning up low in her belly. She bit her lip, conscious that his eyes were on her.

"Since…" _Shit… _"we were kids…" _Should I be telling him this… _The words had just kinda rushed out before she could think about them.

He laughed. "Really?" his hands gripped tighter at her, pulling her a little closer. She nodded again. She didn't care, she didn't want to talk anymore… his mouth was _so close _to hers. "That's… interesting." He was smiling. His gaze ran between her eyes and her mouth. He pulled her a little closer…

"You look beautiful tonight…" He breathed. His hands were both flat on her back, holding her close. She reached out, put a palm experimentally against his ribs. The other curled the hem of his shirt between her fingers. _This can't really be happening. _

"What do you want… from… uh… us?" His eyes were on her lips as he whispered his question.

_Everything. Everything you could possibly give me. I want your skin, your mouth, your gaze. I want to own you, the way you own me. _She had to give him an answer. "Everything." She murmured, really not sure what she was saying. "Anything."

His dimple creased as he smiled. "Everything?" His voice was breathless, his gaze was on her mouth. His fingers were gripping at her, pulling her in closer. He held her, his mouth just a breath from hers. "Does that mean I can kiss you?"

She didn't bother answering, just leaned forward, met him as he pushed his lips against hers.


	19. Stoke

_His lips were impossibly soft, brushing against hers in the lightest of touches. She could feel her blood sizzling inside her skin, thumping through her veins… _

_He made a long, low sighing noise as he pulled away, while she made a little _humph _of displeasure. _Don't stop.

_He grinned. "Sorry, I can't breath… with my nose…" the colour in his cheeks flushed higher, his eyes roved across her face, lingered at her lips before gazing into her eyes. His palms, flat against her back, hefted her forward, pulled her closer so that she was sitting full on his lap, their chests touching. "I can't believe we're here." He breathed._

_Her hand slid up to his neck, she touched the collar of his shirt, shy again, after a moment of recklessness. "Me either…" Her finger trailed over his collar, touched the skin of his neck. He sucked in a breath as she let her fingertip wander over his collarbone, trail up his throat. His skin was soft, for a guy. Her touched roamed up the side of his neck, to just below his ear…_

_His gaze was on her face as his hands gripped at her back. His cheeks were flushed red, his eyes almost glassy looking, his pulse was jumping in the hollow of his throat… she leaned forward to kiss it, tilting her head to press her lips against the skin between his collarbones. He groaned, dropped his head back against the sofa. A thrill ran through her. _He likes it. _She was making him feel good… _

_Experimentally, she moved her lips across him, following the trail her finger had walked. _God he smells amazing. _She brushed her lips against him, pressing kisses against him until her mouth reached her fingers, still beneath his ear…_

_He turned his head to capture her lips with his. "You make it very hard to be a gentleman, you know." He breathed between kisses, one hand coming up from her hip to touch her cheek._

_She grinned against his mouth. _I can't believe this. _"And what does being a _gentleman _entail?" She had an idea what his answer was going to be._

_He sighed, sounding strangely wistful "Not going too far on the first date…"_

Helga grinned into her pillow. Still full of the unfulfilled _want _from the previous night, her skin still buzzing, her nerve endings all crackling… but happy. He had been _so amazing. _He _wanted _her, he said he did, his hands had kinda fluttered at her sides, holding himself back from pressing his hips up, pushing them together… and _god _did she want him. It felt like someone had the heel of their hand pressed below her belly button, she was so turned on. She felt _pressure, _in that weirdly uncomfortable way she hadn't felt since she was a teenager.

But they hadn't done anything, just ended up kissing on the sofa, not even making out really, just kissing… it had been, uh, frustrating, but amazing. She hadn't wanted it to end… but when it was after two am and she had started nodding off, Arnold had led her gently up to bed, kissing her goodnight and promising to see her in the morning. _Well, obviously, he _lives _here! _She was still grinning.

She scrabbled around for her cellphone, checking the time on its little screen. Ten thirty seven… huh, weird that Nina hadn't woken her up already. She kicked her way out from her blankets, shoving her feet into her slippers before padding across the room.

A note was on the floor, sticking out from under her door, her name written on the front in Arnold's handwriting. She grinned to herself again, the butterflies starting up.

She unfolded it:

…

_Helga._

_I've taken Nina and Lucy to the park to let you sleep in. _

_Coffee's in the pot, I'll bring home breakfast. Text me if you have any requests._

_Arnold_

_xx_

…

"Oh god… he's _perfect!"_ She clutched the note to her chest and spun in a circle, dancing with herself as she blissed out. "Perfect, perfect, perfect." She sighed, before getting a grip on herself.

She was all showered and dressed, with a mug of coffee and a book in her lap by the time Arnold and Nina got home. The butterflies that were bumbling around in her stomach hitched up a notch when she heard the key in the front door.

"Take your boots off..." Arnold was laughing, talking over the top of Nina as she twittered some story at him at full pace. "… then we can make breakfast."

"Mum!" Nina yelled. Helga was chewing at her bottom lip, smiling as she heard the _thunk, thunk _of Nina's gumboots hitting the floor.

"In the lounge, Sweetheart." She called, slapping her book shut and putting her feet on the floor. Nina was climbing up onto the sofa next to her in an instant.

"Maddy was at the park! And she petted Lucy and didn't even cry!"

_Uh oh. _Maddy, huh? That obviously meant Steven, too. She glanced up at Arnold when he appeared in the doorway. _Was everything OK? _But the look on his face wiped any questions she had from her brain. _He's so fucking gorgeous._ His mouth was quirked up in that lopsided smile, his hair messy, his cheeks red from the cold wind outside. He was unzipping his jacket, and she wanted her hands on him, to slide her palms across his chest between his jacket and his t-shirt, just to feel how _warm _he was.

He smiled when she bit her lip. "Why don't you go wash your hands, Nina… and then we can make breakfast."

Nina leaped up, enthusiastic. "OK!"

"Wanna put the bag in the kitchen?"

She gazed up at him like he was some kind of god. She was being trusted with the _breakfast_… Helga held in a giggle. She was so cute. _And he's so good to her. _Her stomach cramped.

He made his way across the room and dropped down next to her, that lopsided smile making her head swim. "Morning…" He breathed, twisting to face her, his arm across the back of the sofa, his fingertips just brushing her hair, as if by accident.

Her lungs were suddenly empty, like she was winded. She swallowed. "Hi…" She swallowed again, smiled. "Thanks… for the sleep in." She could barely meet his eyes. _Kiss me, please… I didn't just dream last night, did I?_

"My pleasure… we were up late last night, I figured you'd appreciate a lie-in." His fingers pressed into her hair, picking up a lock, but his eyes were on her face.

She nodded.

"I… enjoyed last night…" He breathed. His eyes skimming across the line of her lips.

She felt her lips twitch up into a smile. _Thank god._ "Me too."

Pushing through the curtain of her hair to touch the back of her neck, his fingers trailed across her skin. "Wanna do it again?"

"Oh!" She gasped, half in surprise he was even bothering to ask such a redundant question, and half in exclamation of how his fingers were making her skin tingle. "Yes." She nodded again.

His smile spread into a grin. "So… we're, uh, dating?"

She nodded _again_, far too flustered to think of anything to say. All she could think about was how badly she wanted his lips on hers again. She found herself leaning forward. His hand dragged through her hair, held her head as they leaned together, his mouth covering hers for just a moment, before he pulled away and sighed, leaning his head against his arm and staring at her.

"Nina was asking about last night…"

"Oh… great. Let me guess… she asked if we _kissed_?" Man, kids could be so humiliating. Since Nina had spied on her and Steven, she'd been _obsessed _with kissing. It could be mortifying.

He nodded. "I told her she'd have to ask you about that… I wasn't sure what to say."

She sighed. "I'm sorry."

He grinned, glancing up at the ceiling as Nina's footsteps echoed down the stairs. "Quick." He whispered, pressing forward to steal another kiss before Nina appeared in the doorway.

"Breakfast!" the little girl crowed…

… "She's asleep?" Helga nodded stupidly at Arnold's question, crossing the room to fall onto the sofa next to him. His arm fell around her shoulders, pulled her over to lie on his chest. She sighed, relaxed against him.

"Finally." She managed to croak. Nina had been a terror tonight, kicking up a fuss when it was bedtime, refusing to brush her teeth, et cetera, et cetera…

He chuckled. "She was kinda wound up tonight, huh?"

Helga nodded, pushed her face further into his t-shirt. She didn't want to talk, she was so _tired. _

"You OK?" He tugged her a little closer.

She shook her head.

"What's the matter?" His voice pitched with concern. She smiled, raised her chin to meet his gaze.

"You're not kissing me." She breathed. Nervous butterflies fluttered against her ribs, afraid of being so forward, but she tried to squash them. He had been _looking _at her all day, making her knees weak, making her so _aware_ of him…

"Oh…" His mouth turned up at the corners. "Sorry."


	20. Form

3:14

Arnold – _Hey, the proverbial has really hit the fan here, I'll probably be late home. Sorry._

5:28

Arnold – _I won't be home for dinner. I'll fill you in when I get back? Sorry again :(_

7:09

Arnold – _OK, ten more minutes and I'll be out the door. Just clearing everything away._

…

Helga was putting the dishes away when he finally got home. She had been making excuses to stay downstairs, to be able to hear the sound of his key in the door, to feel that little thrill in her stomach…

"_Hey Arnold!"_ Amy's voice was muffled from the where she was watching TV in the lounge. "_Long day?_"

He groaned "_You have no idea."_ Helga's heart fluttered as she heard him come down the hall and into the kitchen behind her.

"Hey." He murmured softly. She pulled her hands from the sink and reached for a tea towel.

"Hey." She smiled back, turning to face him as he made a beeline for her. God he looked exhausted, his hair was messed up where he had obviously been running his hands through it, his eyes were circled in dark smudges…. but he was smiling. "Are you hungry? I kept dinner for you…" she trailed off as he came right up to her, putting his hands on her waist.

Her eyes darted to the doorway, making sure no one could see them, that her daughter hadn't come downstairs at the sound of Arnold's homecoming. "Nina's still awake…" she whispered.

His lopsided smile faltered a little. "I'll keep an ear out." His voice was low as he tugged her to him. Despite her reservations, Helga couldn't resist sliding her arms around his neck and pushing her face into his neck. He smelt of disinfectant and sweat and faintly of dog… but she loved it. "I've been looking forward to this all day." He sighed into her hair. "I missed you."

Her stomach leaped up against her lungs, stealing her breath. _He missed me! He's been thinking about me! _She swallowed, her fingers pressed against his neck, pulling him closer. "I…" she took a shaking breath. "I missed you too…" She kissed the skin of his throat, let him drag her up against him. "Is everything OK?"

He sighed. "Police on a drug bust found a whole lot of fighting dogs… it's fucking heart-breaking." He pressed a kiss to her hair.

"Oh Arnold." She leaned into him, knowing how much he invested in the animals that came into his shelter. "I'm sorry."

His hands ran up her back. "Tomorrow's gonna be hell." He slid his face against hers, the slight scratch of his soft stubble rasping against her temple.

"Can I do anything to help?" she whispered, trying to quash the warm tension that was building low in her belly. It seemed inappropriate to be getting turned on when Arnold was upset.

"You're already doing it…" He turned his head to breath against her ear. "You have no idea how good it feels to be… here…"

She couldn't help her little whimper, his breath against her neck, his lips brushing her ear, _what he was saying._ She was melting. He pulled away from her for a second, regarded her face as his hands splayed flat against her back. Her stomach curled into a ball, the _look on his face_ was… phew… She swallowed, no idea what to do, what to say, when all she wanted to do was _touch. _"Hungry?" she managed eventually.

His mouth twitched up. "Very." He murmured before capturing her lips with his.

_Oh geeze. _

Her hands curled into his hair, her back arching as he leaned over her, his arms pulling her right up into him. Any thoughts of dinner or dishes flew out of her head as his mouth moved gently across hers. He kissed her top lip, gentle, teasing kisses, before he took her bottom lip between his teeth. She whimpered again, her hips rolled forward of the own accord, pushing up towards him. His soft groaning reply made her toes curl.

His mouth pressed more forcefully on hers, his tongue ran across the length of her bottom lip, and when she met his tongue with hers, her fingers started to tingle. Stepping forward and twisting her a little, he pressed her back up against the bench, trapping her hard between the green tiles and his own urgent body.

"_Jesus, Helga…"_ He whispered fervently as he trailed his lips down her throat. Her hands had slipped between his shirt and T shirt, feeling the planes of his chest beneath her palms…

… "Uh…" A shocked gasp from the doorway snapped them out of their _moment_… Amy. Arnold straightened up, hips still pinning Helga to the bench, his rueful smile apologetic. Instantly Helga felt her flush deepen with embarrassment. She buried her face in his shirt and let out a low, frustrated groan.

Arnold laughed, his hands gripped at her. "Can I help you?" He asked, twisting his neck to look at Amy.

"Shit, guys… Sorry!" Amy's stammering apology was muffled through the blood pumping in Helga's ears. "You two? Really?"

Arnold's chest jumped under Helga's head as he chuckled. "Yes, us two, really." His hands came up to Helga's hair, holding her gently.

"I had _no idea!_" Amy exclaimed.

He cleared his throat. "Uh, yeah… about that… it's a, uh, new development… and we haven't told anyone yet… so if you could, you know, keep it under your hat?"

"Oh, yeah! Sure! Of course!" She hesitated for a second. Helga could hear her as she shuffled into the room and dropped some dishes onto the counter. "Well… uh… don't let me stop you?" She giggled. "I'm… uh, yeah… 'nite."

"'Nite." Arnold called after her, laughing still. His fingers tangled into Helga's hair as he waited for Amy to reach the top of the stairs before he hooked them under her chin and tilted her head up to look at her. "Are you OK?" He was smiling, but concern lurked at the back of his eyes.

She nodded. "I could kill her…" she breathed, smiling, raking her eyes over his face. His cheeks were pink, his eyes sparkling, his lips slightly swollen_… dear lord._

He cupped her cheek with his palm, staring down at her. "Me too." He grinned. "Still, better her than the little one."

"Oh god… can you imagine?"

His grin grew sly. "I imagine all kinds of things." He murmured, leaning back down to her to press a kiss against her forehead. He sighed. "Sorry, I didn't mean to, uh, jump you in the kitchen." He stepped back, releasing her.

She sighed. "Well, better put Nina to bed… will you be up for a while?"

He shrugged. "Probably. Meet you in the lounge in half an hour?"

"It's a date."

…

"Ni-nite Sweetheart." Helga closed Nina's bedroom door gently behind her as she stepped out into the hall.

"Hey, Helga!" Amy stage whispered from where she was brushing her teeth in the bathroom. "C'mere!"

Helga sighed, this was going to be embarrassing. She leaned against the doorframe. "Yo." She smiled.

Her toothbrush clutched in her foam-covered hand, Amy was grinning through a mouthful of toothpaste. "You and _Arnold!_" She beamed. "Tell me what happened!"

Helga opened her mouth, but Amy just kept talking. "Cos, I mean, it was obvious that he liked you, but I had _no _idea you liked him back!" She paused for a split-second. "You _do _like him back, don't you? Properly?"

Helga blinked. It was _obvious _that he liked her? A little shiver of happiness fizzed in her stomach. She nodded, trying to keep her mind on the conversation. "Yeah, I like him."

"But, I mean, do you _really _like him? Because I think he _really _likes you, and I wouldn't want to see him hurt." Helga couldn't help but laugh, Amy could be like a kid sometimes, she was such a straightforward person.

She sighed. "Yes, I really, _really _like him." A smile crept across her face as she thought about how Arnold was waiting downstairs for her, probably with a pot of tea on the coffee table and a book in his lap. Amy stared.

"Oh, you do, don't you? You're _smitten!"_ She grinned. "Oh! That's so exciting! I can't believe I didn't see it before!" She bounced a little. "It's so _great _to see him with someone he's really into! I mean, Rose was cool and all, but they weren't… I dunno… _in love, _really." Little spatters of toothpaste dripped on the counter as she gestured. "And god knows you deserve a guy like Arnold, after all the shit you've been through!"

Helga chuckled at that. "Thanks, I think." She nodded in the direction of the stairs. "Speaking of me and Arnold… I think he's waiting for me…" She trailed off, raising her eyebrows pointedly.

"Oh! Yeah!" Amy laughed. "Sorry! Go!" She waved Helga out of the room.

And he was indeed waiting… or he had been…

"Oh dear." Helga sighed. She dropped to her knees in front of the sofa and put her hand gently against his cheek.

He was asleep, his head against the armrest, his legs sprawled, his book closed on the cushions where it had fallen from his fingers.

"Arnold." She whispered, stroking his hair back from his face. His eyelids fluttered. She crooned to him, gently cajoling him from his slumber until his eyes were finally open.

"Hmmmph." He grumbled, half smiling. "Sleepy." He yawned, his eyes threatening to shut again.

"Oh you poor thing." She sighed. "You must be exhausted." She stroked his face again. "C'mon, lets get you to bed. You'll feel worse tomorrow if you sleep here."

"Not if you sleep here with me." He mumbled, his eyes closed, his lips barely moving.

Her stomach thrilled. "There's not enough room." She smiled.

"Sure there is." He opened his arms, shuffling to press his back hard against the back of the sofa, leaving a little sliver of cushion for her.

"I'll fall off." She gently admonished… but inside her heart was doing somersaults.

"I'll hold you."

She wanted to. More than anything she just wanted to climb up beside him, pull her reading blanket over them, and go to sleep. It sounded amazing, it sounded _perfect, _even if it would be hellishly uncomfortable_…_ but what if Nina got up in the middle of the night and Helga wasn't there? It just didn't feel _right. _"I can't."

His eyes were open again. He smiled, swung his legs around to sit up. Stretching in a yawn, he smiled. "Sorry for nodding off." He rolled his shoulders. "You wanna watch something?"

She shook her head. "No. You should go to bed, you're shattered."

He studied her for a second. "Fair enough." He stood up. "I'll probably leave early tomorrow… work's going to be awful." He reached down to take her hand, pulling her to her feet, he smiled. "Thanks for dinner, by the way. It was really good."

She smiled, blushed. God he confused her sometimes. How could he switch from being so… tender… to being so casual, so quickly? She put on a smile. "I'll clean up down here." He tried to protest, but she waved him away. Ushering him out into the hall, she chased him to the foot of the stairs. "Go to bed."

"Hey." He caught her by the wrist. Tugging her into him, he pushed his lips hard against hers. "You know I'm looking forward to the night when we go to bed _together_?"

She just stared, nodded.

He smiled shyly. "Just as long as we're on the same page." He kissed her again. "Nite." He kissed her again.

"Nite." She breathed, and he let go of her wrist to turn and lumber up the stairs…

Over an hour later, lying sleepless in bed, she allowed her mind to wander, to wonder what would happen if she was to creep across the hall and steal into Arnold's room. Would he hold up the blankets to let her climb in? Would he just wrap his arms around her and press his face to her hair and hold her until she fell asleep?

Or would they talk? Tell each other their fears and ambitions and secrets until the sky turned purple with dawn?

Or would he draw her to him, kiss her, _touch_ her?

She snuggled down in the blankets, tucking her knees up as the butterflies in her stomach danced with glee at the thought of being in bed with _Arnold_… she couldn't decide which scenario she'd prefer, they all sounded amazing, in their own ways…

_I guess I'll just have to wait and see what happens… _her butterflies rejoiced.


	21. Kind

"Thanks." Steven took the proffered coffee from Helga's gloved hand as he sat shivering on the park bench. "I'll get the next round."

"No drama while I was gone?" Helga plopped down next to him, scanning the playground to pick Nina and Maddy out of the throng of kids as she took a tentative sip of her own coffee.

"None what-so-ever." Steven gave Lucy a pat on the head when the dog let out a high-pitched whine. "She really hates not being able to join in, huh?"

Helga laughed. "Yeah, poor old sod." She leaned over to tug at the dog's ear, but Lucy just kept her eyes on Nina, her nose twitching. "It's great that Maddy's getting over her fear of Luce… she'll be able to come spend the night sometime soon… if that's OK with you, of course."

"Oh no, I couldn't possibly be alright with having a night to myself…" He raised a mocking eyebrow at her before continuing. "But you're right, it will be good for her to get over her fear of dogs. I should have done something about it earlier, really."

"Nina was telling me about how Maddy gave Lucy a pat last weekend and _didn't even cry_." She grinned. That was the morning after her date with Arnold, her stomach fluttered at the memory.

Steven smiled. "Yeah, there was progress. Arnold was really good with her, he said he's done some stuff with school groups, teaching them how to behave around strange dogs and the like."

"That wouldn't surprise me." Helga mused, trying to keep her voice neutral as her insides were flipping around. "He runs the animal shelter out west, so I suppose education would be part of it."

Steven regarded her as he took another sip of his coffee. "So… you and Arnold?"

Helga started, staring up at him with her tongue stuck to the roof of her mouth. Would Arnold have told Steven? "Did he tell you?" She stammered eventually, guilt colouring her cheeks pink.

But Steven just laughed softly, shaking his head. "He didn't say a word… but then, he didn't need to. It was written all over his face… also, our girls are turning into world-class gossips…"

"Oh, Steven, I'm sorry…" She resisted the urge to bury her face in her hands.

He shrugged. "It's OK! You and I haven't been together for months now." His penitent smile made her heart twist with irrational shame."I figured you two would get together at some point, anyway." He laughed harder at the look on her face. "He's not very good at, uh, masking his emotions."

Helga just sat there, completely lost for words. She didn't like the slight mocking tone to his voice. It wasn't fair of Steven, a suave older man, to poke fun at Arnold. Eventually, he sighed. "So, how's it going with you two?" His voice lost its teasing edge.

She shrugged. "Not much is going… we've just been on the one date…" _and spent every evening in a weird kind of chaste, romantic embrace on the couch. _

"He's good with Nina." He observed, his voice now soft, sober.

"Yeah, he is."

They sat in silence for a while, watching the girls running amok with the other kids on the wet playground, sipping at their coffees. Eventually Steven stretched, crushing his empty cup in his hand, he stood. "I should probably get going."

Helga clambered up after him. "I, I'm sorry… I mean, uh…"

He just shook his head, smiling. "Things got awkward there. I'm the one who's sorry, I shouldn't have brought it up."

Helga just stood there, her feet shuffling awkwardly in the skeletons of old leaves. "I didn't, like… I mean…" She was so completely confused. Why did she feel so supremely guilty?

"Oh hell." He ran a hand through his hair. "Don't look at me like that!" One corner of his mouth twitched up. "Listen. I'd be lying if I said I wasn't jealous… but I'm a big boy, Helga. I'm not spending my nights crying myself to sleep or drowning myself in whiskey." He sighed. "There is _really _no reason for you to feel bad, OK? I'm happy for you." He reached out a gloved hand and squeezed her shoulder. "I'll see you this week, we'll set up a play date?"

"OK…" Helga nodded, feeling no less guilty…

… "Are we having orange chicken for dinner Mum?" Nina skipped along beside Lucy, her cheeks pink beneath her little woolly hat.

"I don't know yet sweetheart. I'll see what's in the fridge when we get home." Helga trudged along behind them, her hands shoved deep in her jacket pockets, her mind wandering. "Nina, did you tell Maddy that Arnold and I went on a date?"

The little girl's gait slowed, she turned her head on her neck to glace, nervous and wide-eyed at her mother. "No." She pouted.

Helga sighed. Nina was going through a difficult phase, or maybe she was just growing up a little and Helga hadn't yet learned how to handle it… but it was taxing. "OK Sweetheart, listen to me. I know you want Arnold to be your new dad, and I know that you must have been really excited when we went to dinner last week…"

"You kissed! You told me you did!" Nina frowned.

"Yeah, we did. But it doesn't mean that we're getting married. Remember when we talked about that?" Still frowning, Nina nodded. She was getting that sulky look on her face. "You promised me you wouldn't tell anyone about our date, and you told Maddy, didn't you?"

Her face crumpled, her little chin dimpled. "I'm sorry Mum, please don't hate me."

"Oh Sweetheart!" Helga tugged Lucy to a stop before crouching down to grab Nina in a hug. "I could never, ever hate you, even if you did something _really _bad. I will always love you more than anything." She sighed, planting a kiss on the end of her daughter's nose. "I'm not angry at you, I understand why you told Maddy. I know you want us to be a proper family, but these things take a really, really long time."

"How long?" She sounded snuffly. Poor thing had been up in the middle of the night with a bad dream, she was probably still tired.

"There's no set time, but a few years, at least." Helga stood. Holding Lucy's leash with one hand and Nina's hand with the other, they set back off down the road. "The thing is, I can't promise you that Arnold will be your dad."

"Do you love him?"

_Oh god._ Sometimes the most innocent questions could throw her completely off-kilter. Helga gulped. "Of course I do. I love Phoebe and your Aunt Olga and Granny Mirry too."

"But do you _love _him, love him?"

Helga had the oddest feeling, a soft, nostalgic déjà vu. What could she possibly say?That she had been in love, to the point of obsession, with the man since she was three years old? She chewed the inside of her cheek. "It's hard to figure out sometimes, love." She mused, a warm little bubble rising in her stomach as Nina looked up at her, her tiny round face rapt with attention. "Telling someone you _love _them, love them, is a really big deal, and it's not something you should rush into."

"But why? If you love someone, I think you should tell them. People like to be loved." Nina nodded at her own sage words.

"I love _you._" Helga grinned. _God, look at her. She's wiser at five than I was at fifteen._

"I love you too, Mum." Her head was tilted in thought as they trotted down the footpath. "I love Arnold, too."

_Argh._ How did other people handle this? The ache in their chest when they looked at their children? "Do you love Maddy?"

She nodded. "Yes, and Aunt Olga and Granny Mirry. And Lucy." She looked up. "But I don't _love _them, love them. If I loved someone like that, I would tell them."

Helga's ribs cramped. She forced her lungs to draw breath. "They would be very lucky."

They walked on for a while, saying good morning to the people they passed as they drew closer to the boarding house. Nina had just stopped to pet a cat that was dozing on a fence when she chirped: "Did you love Arnold when you were little?"

And in a moment of weakness, Helga sighed. "Yes, I did."

"Did you tell him?"

Helga thought back. There was that once… but nothing had come of it. "I did once, but I don't think he believed me."

"Why not?"

"Because I used to bully him. He thought I hated him." _Why am I telling her this?_

"Why did you bully him?"

"Because I was scared that he would find out I loved him and he wouldn't love me back."

Nina thought on that for a little while. "Would that make you sad?"

Helga nodded. "Yes."

"But…" Nina's face screwed up as she struggled to find the words to convey what she was thinking. "If… if you had told him, he might have loved you back… and even if he didn't… it wouldn't be any different to when you didn't tell him."

"I know that now." Helga smiled. _At least she won't torture herself the way that I did._ "But I wasn't as smart as you when I was your age." _I wasn't as smart as you when I was twice your age._

"So you should tell him now!" She beamed, her logic apparently flawless.

Helga sighed. "Sweetheart, this is very, very personal." She wracked her brain for a decent explanation. "Arnold and I are friends, and we're seeing if we would make a good couple…" she paused, unsure of what to say. "_IF _we decide to tell each other that we love each other, it's up to us. You _cannot _tell him for me, or make me tell him when I'm not ready. OK?"

"But, Mum!" Nina frowned, obviously reaching the end of her uncannily grown-up introspection.

"No, sweetheart. You know that boy Gerard in your class that likes you, but you don't know if you like him back?"

Nina nodded. "Sometimes he's nice, but he doesn't like books and he says mean things about Poppy all the time."

"How would you feel if I made you play with him?"

Nina shrugged, her little face all creased in thought as she tried to imagine it. "I… I don't think I would like it."

"Well, it's the same kind of thing with me and Arnold. We aren't _sure_ what's going to happen, but if you make us do things before we're ready, we might feel bad. Do you understand?"

Nina nodded, her feet scuffing the ground as she absorbed what she'd been told. "But you don't feel bad now?"

Helga grinned. "Nope!" She beamed. "I feel really good! How about you, are you happy living at the boarding house?"

Nina nodded enthusiastically. "It's fun! I have Lucy, and Dad never let me have a pet… and Amy said she'd give me a photo from my first day of school!" _Huh_. Helga had forgotten about those. She'd have to give Amy some cash to cover the printing and stuff. "And I have my tent, and Arnold reads to me sometimes, and takes me to the shelter…" Nina's feet picked up as she started skipping again. "Do you like the boarding house?"

"I do… I like it very much." And at that moment Arnold appeared on the sidewalk, his worn old jacket recognisable a mile off.

Nina pulled her hand from Helga's to wave. "Arnold!" She crowed, all smiles and giggles.

"Don't run onto the road." Helga scolded as Nina dashed off down the street. Arnold came towards them, looking both ways before crossing the road to meet them.

Helga watched as Nina raced up to him. Her heart raced as she watched the man she had been besotted with for her entire life crouch down to collect her daughter. He stayed there, bobbing on the balls of his feet as Nina described her morning thus far with wild flailings of her arms and a rush of high-pitched conversation. He laughed as Helga and Lucy came up to him, his eyes sparkling as he stood to greet her, his big gloved hand around Nina's.

"I was just coming to find you." He was smiling so wide she could see his crooked eye teeth. She melted.

They set back off home, like a little family, complete with dog. Arnold listened patiently as Nina told him all the playground gossip, making all the appropriate noises, when she suddenly declared: "I like living at the boarding house… it's better with you than with Dad."

His smile faltered a little as he quickly thought of a suitable reply. "Well, that's good! I like you living with me, too. It would be sad if you were living somewhere where you weren't happy."

"I think so too." Nina nodded. "Mum's happy too, she said so."

Helga blushed. Nina wasn't wrong, and what she said wasn't totally inappropriate… but she was still suddenly tongue-tied, especially when Arnold turned his green eyes to her. "Is she?" He asked, his voice suddenly lower, his smile subtly different.

She nodded, the butterflies starting up in her stomach. "Very." She breathed.

His hand reached out to just touch her hand, the briefest of caresses against the back of her fingers.

"Good." He smiled.


	22. Bear

"And he still won't tell anyone _how _he found you?"

His voice distracted her from what he was asking for a second. They had been cuddling up together on the sofa every night for a fortnight, and the sound of his voice so close to her ear still took her by surprise. She was sitting between his legs, sideways down the sofa, lying back against his chest, feeling it rise and fall with his breath…

"Nope." She sighed heavily, letting her head fall back against his shoulder. "But he was here for a week or something before we saw him, so he probably just, I dunno, stalked Miriam's house or something." She shrugged, trying to act nonchalant… but the thought of Mark, sitting outside her mother's house for days on end gave her the chills.

"Jesus christ." Arnold shuddered. He wrapped his arms around her and _squeezed_, "That's terrifying."

She nestled further back into him. It _was _terrifying. But Mark was in custody now, and no one was going to post his bail. They were silent for a while, relaxing after a hectic day. It was nice to be alone… or as alone as they ever got. Amy was at Jack's, Greg was upstairs at his computer (as always), Nina was asleep. The house was quiet.

"Did you uh, tell Phoebe?" Arnold's voice was soft, laughing, but shy.

She closed her eyes, smiling. "Tell her what?"

His chest rumbled as he chuckled. "About us…"

"What _about_ us?" She shuffled her shoulders back, pressing harder against him. His hands gripped at the top of her arms.

"Nevermind. Forget I asked." He smirked, pressing a kiss to the top of her head.

_Argh. _That was so like him. "OK!" she chirped, smirking to herself. She knew this kind of thing drove him crazy.

"Yeah, you've told her…"

"_Hmph._" Helga wriggled her shoulders. "What makes you so sure?"

His hands slid to her waist. "I'm not… I never know with you."

_I wonder what he means by that… _"That's me!" she beamed. "An enigma wrapped in a mystery!"

"You know what I want to know?" He shifted slightly beneath her, getting comfy. "Who your secret high school boyfriends were."

She groaned, still laughing, but mortified nonetheless. "Really? Why on earth do you want to know that?"

She felt the shift of his shoulders against her back as he shrugged. "Curiosity?" He dodged around to kiss her ear. "I think I know who one of them is already though…"

Thankful that he couldn't see her face, she sighed. "Go on then… who?"

"Brainy?"

She groaned. "Argh! Dammit! How did you know?"

He made a soft choking noise behind her. "Really?" He spluttered, "I was half sure that I was wrong!"

Helga just made a strangled noise of embarrassment and flung her arm across her eyes. _How humiliating. _Poor Brainy… asides from Phoebe and Mark, Helga hadn't told a soul about their relationship.

"Brainy… you and… Brainy…" Arnold muttered. "That is so weird. How did it happen? Like… did you date for long?"

Her arm still across her eyes, she sighed. "I don't know if you would say we… _dated_… per say." Her smile was wry. "We were both just… well… you remember what it was like… and we were, well, losers, I suppose." She paused, swallowing down the ghost of the pain and rejection of her earlier teenage years. She had been hit _hard _with the puberty hammer…

"Don't say that." His voice was suddenly soft, disbelieving. She just waved her hand in the air.

"It's fine. We were…. and he had always just kept bugging me and bugging me… so eventually I figured, _why the hell not?_ I mean, it's not like anyone else was knocking on my door."

"How old were you?" His voice was almost a whisper, like he wasn't sure he wanted to hear about it. _Too bad buddy, you asked!_

"Uh, we were fourteen, when we first started…" she trailed off. She cleared her throat. "And fifteen when we broke it off."

"Huh…" He mumbled, obviously thinking. "So… was he, you know…"

"My _first_?"

"Yeah…"

"Yeah."

"Oh."

There was a long pause. "Who was yours?" She asked eventually. She knew all of the girls that he had dated throughout high school, but he had never been one to kiss-and-tell.

"Natasha."

"Which one?"

"Larson."

"Huh… if I had to have guessed, I would have picked Partridge."

He chuckled. "Yeah… we didn't… I mean, I always tried to be a gentleman… she scared me a little, actually."

"Do I scare you?" Helga teased, snuggling into him.

"Yup, you're _terrifying._" He snickered. "Nah, you never scared me. You might have really pissed me off, but you've always been a pussy cat, underneath it all."

She sighed. He _had _always known that she was full of shit.

"So…" he continued. "Who else?"

"Oh jesus christ." She growled. "Do you _promise_ not to laugh at me?" This was going to be humiliating… if it were _anyone _but Arnold, she would have refused to answer.

"I promise." He said solemnly, kissing the back of her head. "It can't be _that _bad."

"Wolfgang and Torvald." She blurted, gritting her teeth against Arnold's surprised gasp.

"_Wolfgang?_ You dated _Wolfgang?_" He sounded… appalled. "Sorry, I mean… Torvald I understand, I suppose… he's a pretty cool guy once you get past the bullshit… but _Wolfgang?_ He has _no _redeeming qualities!"

Helga bristled. "He's not that bad." She said icily. Sure, Wolfgang was far from perfect, but he had been pretty good to Helga… well, he had tried, at least. There was plenty about the guy that Arnold just didn't know. "You think I would have dated him if he had…" she trailed off. Of course she would have dated him if he was an asshole… just look at the father of her child…

"Sorry." He mumbled. "I didn't mean…" he sighed.

"It's OK." She sounded petulant, even to her own ears. "I know how he can be."

"He wasn't… he treated you well?" He pressed his face into her hair, sliding his hands further around her to squeeze her ribs.

"Yeah, actually. When we were alone he was a total marshmallow."

He snorted. "I can't imagine it… not that I want to imagine you _alone _with him." He rushed. "But… that's good. The fewer people I harbour seething hatred for, the better."

"Hatred?" She asked, confused for a second.

"Well, yeah. I mean, I don't have any _fond _memories of Wolfgang, but I don't fantasise about kicking his ass, the way I do with Mark."

"You hate Mark?" She had never really thought about it, but now that she did, she felt like a moron. Of _course _he'd hate Mark, the asshole had broken Arnold's nose for christ's sake!

He leaned his cheek on her hair. "I know it's, uh, not fitting of a gentleman… but yeah, I hate him." His fingers gripped at her sides. "Can I tell you something?"

_Uh-oh. _"Sure, anything."

"A part of me had always kinda hoped he would turn up, so I could put my fist into his face." He sighed. "It's really shitty of me, I know… and I feel bad about it… but I hate that fucker so much that it _still _makes me see red every time I think of him." She could feel the tension building in his body as he spoke about it, like merely talking about Mark was turning him into the Hulk or something.

"Wow." She muttered. It was so out of character! Arnold was the nice guy, the pacifist… and he hated Mark _before _he had gotten his nose broken? "Why?"

"_Why_? Really? You show up on my doorstep, you, _Helga Pataki_, the _last _person I ever thought would let some douchebag walk all over her, looking like a fugitive with a serious black eye and a kid in tow…" He sighed. "I've known you my whole life, Helga. Even if I wasn't, uh, romantically invested in you, I would have hated him for what he did to you."

_Wow. _That was… she had never really thought about it. She had been so concerned with how _she _had been imposing on Arnold's life, that she had always worried he hated _her_… it had never occurred to her that he had blamed Mark. Now that she thought about it, it made sense. If she had been on the outside looking in, she would have blamed Mark too… but when it was her in the middle of all this shit, hating herself so much, blaming herself for _everything, _she had just directed any shame and judgement at herself…

_Jesus. Am I messed up or what?_

"You know when you were outside with him? When he turned up?" She ventured.

"Mmm-hmm?" He was nuzzling into the back of her head again, making her skin tingle.

"What did you say to him?"

"What do you mean?"

"I couldn't hear something you said to him… after he called the boarding house a shit hole. Amy said you were _defending my honour_…" she stammered to a stop.

There was a long pause. "I don't remember exactly…" He shuffled a bit. He had relaxed again, tugging her against his chest. "Um… something about, uh, this house being more of a home to you and your daughter than you had ever had with him?" He coughed, clearing his throat. "And, uh, that you have more of a partner and a, uh, father for Nina… in me… than you'd ever had… uh, with… him…" He stuttered, his voice hesitant. "I really wanted to hurt him…" he finished on a whisper, shame colouring his words.

"Oh, Arnold…" She soothed. Wriggling, she rolled over to face him, his belt buckle pressing against her belly. His hands found her waist. "We're happy here, with you…" She breathed, her stomach roiling into knots. He was amazing… _amazing. _He made her entire being _prickle. _

His fingers came up to stroke her cheek. "I hope you are… I hoped I wasn't lying when I… said that to him…"

"You weren't." She sighed, staring into his eyes… those eyes that she had swooned over since she was a kid… She had hoped against hope, but never thought she would actually be here, pressed up against his chest, with his hopeful, beautiful face just an inch from hers… staring into those eyes.

She kissed him.


	23. Spark

Nothing effected Helga quite as much as the change of seasons. The few sudden weeks where the leaves changed colour, or when bulbs started to peek out of the ground. When the winds picked up or when blue skies sported sudden, brief rainstorms. She loved it. When she was younger she had loved catching the bus in the late autumn evening, when the streetlamps glared against a dark blue sky, and she loved walking deserted streets at night when the first bite of winter could be felt on the air. It excited her, the change in the weather, it made her feel like anything was possible. It was romantic, wild… even when she was lounging on the sofa in a dimly lit room, the sound of the wind outside pricked at her blood.

"I can't believe it's spring already." Helga sighed, stretching her legs out to put her feet up on the coffee table.

Arnold hummed in agreement, his eyes closed. "You know you've almost been here a year?"

"Oh god, we have, haven't we?" She slid further down the sofa, tired after a long day of parks and aquariums.

He chuckled softly. Sliding his fingers beneath hers, he murmured, "It hasn't been all bad, has it?"

"Not at all." She whispered back, letting her fingertips slid over the back of his hands. "Better than bad…" She smiled to herself.

"It's good?" Arnold chortled, picking up on her Ren and Stimpy reference.

"Very." And it was. Life at the boarding house was just getting better and better.

"We've been dating for two months now, too." His voice was softer at this proclamation.

She peeked over at him, but his eyes were still shut. Smiling, she tapped the backs of his fingers. "I know…"

He cracked an eye open to glance at her, "Better than bad?" he asked, his eyebrow twitching up.

She wanted to sigh, to press herself up against his side and wax lyrical about how he made her stomach churn… about how every night she wished she had the guts to steal into his room and climb into bed with him… about how she had never felt more at home than she did with him in his bustling old house… but she just bit her bottom lip and nodded. "Better than _good_." She breathed.

His face split into a grin at that. "So…" He shuffled upright and hooked his fingers around hers. "… I was thinking… you wanna be my girlfriend?" He put on a voice, tried to make a joke of it… but there was no mistaking the look on his face, the anxious hope in his eyes…

Her heart flipped. _He wants to make it official! Two months of nothing more than chaste kisses on the sofa and he hasn't gotten bored of me! _Blood thundering through her veins, she tried to keep her voice light. "Why Mister Shortman! I do declare you've rendered me all a-flutter!" She fanned her face with her free hand.

His grin returned. "Good, I like you all fluttery…" he squeezed her fingers between his. "Is that a yes?"

She couldn't have stopped herself from smiling back even if she had wanted to. "I'm surprised you even bothered to ask. Isn't _going steady _a bit of an antiquated notion?"

"You know me, I'm an old-fashioned kinda guy." He squeezed her fingers again. "So, is _that_ a yes?"

She rolled her eyes. "Yes of _course _it's a yes!"

He beamed, his face lighting up. "God I want to kiss you."

She laughed, leaning forward and grabbing Arnold by the collar to smush her lips urgently against his.

When she released him, he was grinning like a goon, his eyes shining. With a contented sigh he leaned his head back against the sofa. "We should get a sitter tomorrow. I feel like taking you out somewhere."

"Sounds promising." Helga beamed back. "What do you have in mind?"

He shrugged. "We could find a suitably unpopular movie and make out in the theatre for two hours?"

_Whoa. _Helga gaped, her stomach had just dropped to her thighs. Swallowing, she managed to suck a breath into her suddenly paralysed lungs. "If you wanna be alone in the dark…" she muttered, trying her hardest not to stammer. "Can't we just go to your room and turn out the lights?"

"Ugnh." The look on his face was priceless. His eyes were as round as saucers as he stared at her. If it wasn't for the pulsing heat that was making her tense her thighs, she probably would have burst out laughing, but as it was, the dumbstruck look on his face just turned her on more. _He wants me._ She realised. _I actually just left him speechless. _Finally, he managed to close his mouth and swallow. "Jesus… uh…" He grinned again. "If that's what you want, I won't say no." He managed, his voice cracking.

"Don't let me pressure you into anything you aren't ready for…" Helga smirked, biting her bottom lip.

"NO! I mean, uh… heh." He laughed at himself. "Sorry for acting like a madman… you just caught me by surprise." He grinned sheepishly at his own adolescent behaviour. Shaking his head, he grasped her hand tighter. "See what you do to me? One vaguely smutty remark and I'm reduced to a bumbling moron."

She put on an innocent face. "That's not just you're natural state of being?" She asked sweetly, batting her eyelashes at him.

He snickered. "You're going to pay for that."

She snorted, raising an eyebrow she twisted to face him, pressing her back up against the armrest and pushing her toes against his leg. "You reckon? Whatcha gonna do about it, huh?" Her chin raised, she challenged him, a massive smile plastered over her face.

He tutted, shaking his head in mock despair. "I'd be careful if I were you."

"Would you now…" she leaned forward, watching how he mirrored her, how he craned towards her, his eyes on her lips, "… _Football Head_?"

He froze, the look on his face unreadable at he stared, unblinking at her. _Shit, too far? _She fretted for a second before a sly grin spread across his face. "You're in so much trouble." He growled, his husky voice low, before he started to move.

"Wh-what are you going to do?" She whispered, a strange, exciting anxiety buzzing in her stomach. The look on his face was… well, it wasn't sweet, it was thoughtful, determined. She bit her lip.

He didn't reply, but moved to kneel between her legs, bracing one hand on the armrest next to her head, he lowered his face to hers. Rasping his stubbly cheek across her soft one, he pushed his face into her neck. She moaned softly, wriggling, then gasped as he sank his teeth gently into the top of her shoulder. Releasing her, his other arm forced its way under her waist to tug her down the cushions, to lay her down flat.

His breath ran across her neck as he took her earlobe between her teeth. _Shit. _She tensed her thighs. His lips ran, incredibly softly, around the rim of her ear, before he dotted kisses down her neck, using his fingers to tilt her head back so he could press his mouth against the pulse at the base of her throat.

Her fingers sought him out, tangled in his hair and in the fabric of his shirt. She gasped when he raked his teeth along her collarbone, and whimpered when he dragged his fingers up her thigh, over her hip. He hadn't touched her like this before. Sure, they had made out, with him lying half-on-top of her, his hand gently cupped behind her head, his kisses sweet and searching… the closest he had come to raw desire was when he had pinned her against the kitchen bench that time…

But this… it was slow, it was deliberate, it was torture. Her blood was boiling in her veins, she pressed her hips up to him and was rewarded with him bearing his weight down on her, leaning himself between her legs, pressing against her… She moaned. He bore down harder and she raised her legs a little, dragging the inside of her thighs against his jeans.

His hand gripped her ribs, digging his fingertips into her. _Oh god. _His mouth was against her throat, biting at the skin beneath her jaw. She rolled her hips again, pushing up against what was fast becoming his _obvious_ arousal, and he gripped her ribs harder.

Everything about him was so hot, so urgent. He was heavy against her, pushing the air from her lungs. One of his hands had found it's way to her hair and was holding her to him, forcing her to stay still as he bit her lip. He alternately bit and kissed her, flushing her skin, making her whine. _I had no idea he could be like this_. She thought vaguely to herself, before he touched his tongue to hers and she forgot to think at all.

"We have to stop." He groaned against her mouth.

"_Why_?" She gasped against his.

"Oh god." His breath was coming fast as she clenched her thighs, riding her legs up over his, trapping him to her. "Because I really want you, but I don't want to do this here."

He started to pull away, but she rolled her hips again, pressing against him, making him suck a hissing breath in through his teeth. "We don't have to do _that_, here…" she raised an eyebrow at him. God he looked gorgeous, his cheeks red, his lips parted… "There's plenty of other stuff to do…"

But he shook his head. "This stuff…" he nodded downwards to where they were pressed together. "I don't want to rush it, and… as stupid as this sounds, I really don't want to do it in the heat of the moment… not now, anyway." He bit his lip. "That came out wrong… I mean… I want you to come to me?" He shook his head again. "That's not right either… um…" he thought for a second. "I want…" he said carefully, "to do this stuff in private, when we have time to do it right… the first time, at least." He smiled. "I want to do it properly… I want to _see_ you." He breathed, the flush in his cheeks deepening.

She held her breath. He was right. She nodded. "OK."

"Don't look sad!" He groaned, dropping his head to plant a kiss on her nose. "I… god do I want you. But I want to have you with no regrets. I don't even know if you're on any kind of contraception or anything, and I have _no _idea what your limits are…" He shrugged. "I just wanna take it slow… I don't wanna ruin this."

"It's OK." She smiled, then grinned when she pressed her hips up and was rewarded by his fluttering eyelids and strained expression. "I get it… and you're probably right."

He leaned down to kiss her, smiling against her lips as he mumbled. "Besides, it's going to be so much fun getting to _know _you…"


	24. Held

"Goodnight Mummy, I love you." Nina's sleepy little voice was all muffled in her pillow.

Helga's heart ached. "Goodnight Sweetheart. I love you too… so much…" She bent down to kiss her daughter's hair before stealing out of the room, clicking the lamp off on the way.

Out in the hallway, she slumped against the wall, trying to pull herself together. It had been Nina's fifth trip to see the child psychologist today, and it wasn't getting any easier. Not that the woman wasn't helping, Helga recognised that having Nina bawl her eyes out on her shoulder was a _good_ thing, that it was cathartic… but it still hurt, still made her hate herself for not protecting her daughter how she should have.

Friday evenings had become very quiet at the Sunset arms. Nina was despondent after her sessions, and Helga was always worried… and Arnold would just quietly take care of them, having dinner ready when they got back, and a movie ready for them to watch. She was so grateful to him, in awe of his instincts. How did he know just what to do? They would sit in the darkened lounge, Nina curled up into her chest, together, but with a distraction, so that if Nina needed to think, but not talk, she could… but if she didn't want to think at all, she could just stare at the screen. Any talking she wanted to do normally came at bed time, after Harry Potter, when it was quiet and they wouldn't be disturbed.

Helga sighed, blinking tears away. Her poor little girl, five years old and seeing a shrink. She had managed to get in contact with Dr Bliss, but she had gotten married two years before and moved to Seattle, now practicing under her new name, Kathy _Sinclair_. Kathy had, however, given Nina's new counsellor - a woman by the name of Jane Wilson - a glowing report… and despite her reservations, Helga had to admit that the woman knew what she was doing.

They had worked out a plan where by every fourth week, Jane and Helga would have a talk after Nina's session, and Jane – without violating the doctor/patient confidentiality thing – would give Helga some ideas of how to help Nina out at home… Which was why she now had to go talk to Arnold. She had been dreading this all night…

_OK, Pataki… just suck it up._ She forced herself upright, holding her shoulders straight, and strode down the hall to tap at Arnold's door. _Don't chicken out, it's _Arnold, _he'll understand…_

"_Come in." _His eyes lit up when she stepped into the room. "Hey!" He beamed, "Come watch this with me." Shuffling over on his bed, he held his hand out to her. _Oh dear. _She let him pull her up onto the mattress, let him tug her to his chest before reaching around her to press play on the video on his laptop screen.

"What is this?" She whispered.

"Caine's Arcade." He replied, kissing her sweetly on the temple. "Just watch."

By the end of it, Helga's eyes were misty. "We should go to LA." She murmured. "Nina would love that kid."

He chuckled, kissing her again. "I thought the same thing." He said softly. "You still need to go back and pick up stuff from Mark's mother, right?"

She laughed. "Michigan isn't really close enough to LA to make a round trip."

"Yeah, I suppose that's true." He thought for a second. "We could always go stay at the old beach house for a weekend or something…" He smiled his lop-sided smile.

_Oh god. _"We need to talk." She declared in a rush, tearing her eyes from his to stare at her knees. _What if he says no?_

She felt him tense up. "That doesn't sound good…" he said quietly. "OK… what's on your mind?"

She took a deep breath. _Just say it… _"Well, I spoke to Jane today, you know, and she thinks that if you and I are going to be, uh… a couple… well then we shouldn't hide it from Nina so much… she thinks that Nina needs me to show her good examples of healthy adult relationships and all of that, _especially _after Mark…"

His voice softened. "Sound's wise."

"But that's putting a lot of pressure on you… I mean, it will just make Nina more attached, and it will make _us_ more, um, serious…" she swallowed.

His lop-sided smile returned. "You know this is all stuff I thought about long and hard _before _I asked you out, right?" He smiled wider at her stupid expression. "I want all of that, I'm just waiting for you."

"You're… waiting?" _What? _

He shrugged. "Yeah… I thought I made it clear that I want this. I want you, and you come with Nina." His face scrunched up a bit as he considered his words. "Sure, in a perfect world, things would be just as they are, but Nina would be my kid… she's awesome… but I'm not _scared _of taking you two on… I _want _to." He sighed when Helga didn't reply, just stared, not completely sure she wasn't hallucinating. "So, yes… if what you want is for us to be more, uh, _open? _with our…" he smiled, "affections… then sure. Yes… I would like that."

"Oh." She croaked at last. She had been so sure that he would have backed off. _What is wrong with me? _

"You thought I'd run screaming?" He asked, his eyes crinkling.

"Yeah." She admitted, suddenly recognising how bad that would have made him feel. "Sorry."

"It's OK." He kissed her forehead. "I know you don't trust people easily… I'm just hoping that if I treat you well, you'll eventually get over that… and get it into your head that I'm taking this seriously… that I actually care…" He shrugged again, his cheeks growing pink. "I really do care." He repeated. "If you decided that _not_ being with me was what was best for you two, I would understand. I would be upset, obviously, but I genuinely want what's best for you… I just kinda hope - selfishly, I admit - that you decide…" he paused, "…that that's me…"

_Oh. _Her legs felt weak. _Oh… that sounds… wow… _Her brain couldn't quite wrap itself around the implications of what he had just said. "Oh." She breathed, feeling wholly inadequate in the face of such an honest, open declaration.

He grinned, before wrapping her in his arms, pulling her towards him and kissing her. "Is that the answer you wanted?" He asked, his lips brushing hers.

She nodded dumbly.

"Good." He murmured, kissing her again… and again… until she relaxed against him. "That's better." He leaned his forehead against hers to stare into her eyes. _Such beautiful eyes… _"Now what do you wanna do? I got the last season of Californication if you…" she cut him off, pushing him back against his pillow with the force of her kiss.

It took a second for him to respond, he seemed startled by her sudden attack, but when he recovered, his hands circled her to press his palms against her back, tugging her chest against his. She pulled away, bracing her hands against the top of his arms to gasp: "I wanna do _this._"


	25. Pant

Helga had never felt quite like this before. Her skin was hot, she was nervous, her stomach was cramping to the point of nausea with anxiety, but she _needed_ to feel his hands on her. Her ears were roaring, the still room seemed deafening, thundering with the sound of their breath and heartbeats and the shifting of limbs…

She wasn't quite sure how they had gotten like this. When they had started, Arnold had pulled her across to straddle his lap, and now she was pinned beneath him… at some point he had turned out his bedside lamp and put his laptop on the bedside table… but all Helga could remember about that was how his shoulders had looked as they shifted under his thin t shirt…

… and now that t shirt was lying discarded somewhere on the floor… along with the rest of their clothes. _Jesus_. The dim light seeping in through the curtains illuminated his shoulder, outlined the curve of his ribs, his wide jaw. _He's so beautiful… _she sighed, amazed that they were doing this, that _he _wanted her like this…

Her hands came up, shaking, to touch him. She trailed her fingertips along his collarbones, down the centre of his chest. Fanning her fingers out, she palmed the ridges of his ribs… _Oh god. _He felt _amazing_. His muscles jumped as she touched them, his skin was _hot_, his pronounced hipbones pushed up into her hands as she explored them, running her thumbs down the grooves that led to the waistband of his boxers, that one last scrap of material that was separating them… she followed the elastic, tracking the line of hair that ran up to his navel… His body was taut, his breath catching, growing ragged… _Oh god._ She pushed upwards, touching his stomach, his ribs as she ran her spread fingers over his chest. She could feel the light spread of hair that was scattered at his sternum and ringed around his nipples. He drew in another hissed breath as she stroked them, small and firm, with the pads of her thumbs.

"_Jesus, Helga_." His voice was low, husky with want. The hand on her hip clenched, gripping her so hard it would have hurt if it weren't such a turn on. She tore her eyes away from his body to have her stomach lurch at how his eyes had darkened. He stared at her for a second, the look on his face almost pained, before a strangled kind of groan forced its way between his teeth. "I don't know what to do with this!" His forehead was creased in a frown. "You… _ah fuck._" He captured her mouth with his. "_Goddamn you." _His voice muffled against her lips, "_How do you do this to me? I can't… I can't _think_ around this!" _He laughed, his chest bumping up against hers as he chuckled. _"You're amazing." _His last declaration was soft, awestruck…

His kiss was insistent, demanding, and she kissed him back with just as much urgency. Her lips felt bruised, her skin burning when his stubble had scratched at her, her chest heavy with her thumping heart. His hand curled into her hair, holding her to him, pulling her head back so he could graze his lips along her jaw.

Her thighs rose up, curling her legs around his calf and hip, tugging him close, holding him firm against her as her hips heaved. She could feel the length of him, jammed hard and hot in the crease of her upper thigh. His weight on her wasn't enough, even when she struggled for breath and her ribs protested, she wanted more.

The hand that wasn't in her hair roved across her body, searching for the hem of her panties. She whimpered when he found it, his fingertips grazing her bare skin, sending electric shivers up her spine. His mouth on hers, his hand travelled over her hip, traced the line of her underwear around her rear… her skin burned under his touch, making her sigh and swear and writhe beneath him.

Tentatively, his touch ran around the front of her, lightly brushing the fabric of her panties, discovering her. He groaned against her mouth when he finally found the apex of her thighs, and Helga nearly fell to pieces… it was too much, his hands on her, his mouth on her, those sexy fucking noises he was making… She needed _more. _

Arching her back, she pressed herself into his palm, earning herself another throaty moan. His breath caught as he pressed against her harder, the pads of his fingers straining flat against her. She whimpered, her hips rolling slightly as he touched her, her skin demanding _more_.

Slowly, hesitantly, he hooked his thumb in the top of her panties and slid his fingers inside, gauging her reactions carefully as he held himself above her. They both groaned when he touched her, his fingers searching through her curls, pushing into the folds of her.

He shifted to the side, one leg between hers, lying next to her to kiss her neck as his gently travelling fingers found the centre of her. "_Are you OK?_" His voice soft as he asked her permission to delve further... She just keened in response, rolling her hips again, turning her body slightly to face him.

_Holy shit…. Oh my god oh my god oh my god…_ She quivered when he pushed in to her. "_Oh my god._" Her voice was trembling, his answering moan was choked, he swore against her mouth. Pushing deeper in, his two fingers stroked at the inside of her, his thumb sought out her most sensitive spot and pressed down, rolling in little circles at the top of her. _"Jesus christ, Arnold… shit…"_ she was gasping, her skin was getting hotter, her fingers were grasping at his arm, his ribs… she shook.

He pressed the rigid length of himself against her hip, his touch, the rolling of his thumb, built up rhythm as he brought her closer… and _closer… _"_You're. so. fucking. beautiful." _His breath warmed her lips as he spoke against them, biting at them between each fervently whispered word.

She fumbled for him, twisting her shoulder to gracelessly grasp at where he was pressed against her thigh. His fingers stilled for a second, the breath halting in his lungs as she groped with the fabric of his boxers.

_Oh god. _He was… perfect. He sucked air into his lungs in a low, gravelling groan as she finally wrapped her fingers around him. His skin was silky, his hair brushed at her fingers as she felt down the length of him. He _throbbed, _she could feel his rapid pulse in her palms. She shifted her grip, moving to stroke him, to gently coax the skin of him over his head, before sliding it back down. He bit down on her shoulder, groaning and pushing his hips forward, fucking her hands as his fingers worked faster at her, his thumb pressing harder at her, using her own wetness to rub over her.

The back of her thighs started to tense, pushing her harder into his hand. In a strange lucid moment, she reflected on how it had never been like this before, this primal _need_, a physical tugging at her like a magnetic attraction. With all the other sex she'd had, it was the feeling of _power_ that had turned her on, the power that came from being wanted… and she had never, ever lost control… but this, this was dissolving her. She was unravelling from her toes upwards, heat was burning through her, she couldn't see anything but colour, she had no idea how much time had passed… and as his fingers worked faster at her, his lips now on her neck, her head thrown back, their legs twined together… she exploded.

She felt him pulse under her palms as she gripped at him, biting her lip in a last moment of tension before her hips juddered against his hand and she cried out. Her thighs clamped together, trapping his wrist, but he just groaned, setting his teeth into her shoulder again, his fingers keeping up their circling rhythm as her hips ground back and forth.

"_Softer!" _She gasped, her legs relaxing slightly to let his wrist go, and in immediate response to her request, his thumb circled slower against her. She was shaking, her thighs shuddering at every stroke of his thumb. She could feel herself clenching around his fingers slightly in time with her heartbeat, which was thumping in her ears. Panting, she fell back onto the bed, her breath ragged in her lungs, her skin feverishly hot.

He drew her fingers gently from her, sighing happily as he hefted himself over her, kissing her chest, her collarbones, her neck. He trailed the two fingers that had been inside her over her breast, slipping them back and forth over her nipple as he kissed her. "_That…"_ he pulled away from her, watching her face as she bit her lip, "was the sexiest thing I have ever seen." he kissed her again. "Are you OK?"

She chuckled, the low sound rasping from her dry throat. "I'm better than OK… I've never… that was… wow…" She beamed. She couldn't formulate real sentences while her head was still reeling. She could still see wriggling colours in her peripheral vision, the remnants of her intense climax.

He grinned back at her, bending down to kiss her again. "I could do that forever, watching you move like that… _jesus._" His hips shunted forward a little, the head of him nudging her belly through his boxers. Her hands had fallen from him when she rolled away, but now her palms itched to touch him again.

"_Your turn_?" She whispered cheekily, a little shy.

"Oh god." He groaned as her fingers found him, rasping roughly against him through the thin fabric. "If you're sure?"

She gazed into his eyes as she brought her hand up to her own mouth and licked her palm. He stared as she slid her hand down between them and into his underwear. His eyelids fluttered shut when she ran her hand flat over the head of him, before circling him with her fingers.

He trembled above her, his head hanging as he grew harder and hotter in her hand. _Jesus._ Despite her explosive release, she was getting turned on again just touching him like this, seeing the effect she had on him… He swore, leaning down suddenly to kiss her, before mumbling "I'm… _close_, already…" he swallowed, "where do you want me to…" He trailed off.

She grinned. "Lie down." She murmured, taking her hand from him to push at him chest. His eyes grew wide as she pushed him off her, forced him to lie back, knelt over him.

"Are you sure?" He asked, nervous, excited. She just lay a hand on his chest, pushing him harder into the mattress and used her other hand to tug down the elastic of his pants, freeing him so she could lean down and take him in between her lips.

"_Fuck!" _He gasped, his hips jerking up. She pulled away a little, waiting for his initial reaction to subside before drawing him into her mouth, running her tongue down him as she licked and sucked at him. He struggled against the hand on his chest, pushing himself up on his elbows to watch her as she ran him in and out of her mouth. One of his hands came up to tangle in her hair, to stroke his thumb against her cheek as he watched her. She could feel his entire body tense, the tension in his stomach as he tried to stop his hips from thrusting upwards. She grasped the base of him with her hand, squeezing, tugging at him as she ran the length of him across her tongue.

His hand clenched in her hair, his hips raising slightly, his thighs rigid. _He's so fucking sexy. _Everything about him, his smell, his taste, the smooth skin running against her lips… was perfect. "_I'm gonna…" _he trailed off again. She could feel it, how he was growing harder, larger. She just kept going, touching his chest, trying to let him know that it was OK, that he could finish…

He swelled in her mouth, his hips juddered forward, he swore. Closing her eyes, she pushed him to the back of her throat, swallowing convulsively to catch all of him before she could taste it. "Jesus _christ!_" he groaned through gritted teeth. His hips angled forward, his hand gripped harder into her hair. He hissed as she sucked at him, his cock jumping in her mouth. "_Sensitive_."

He fell back onto the sheets as she let him go, letting out along, satisfied whistle. "Come here." He demanded lazily, opening his arms to hold her against his chest. He kissed her forehead, brushed her hair back from her face, kissed her again. He was grinning, she could _feel _it. He was excited, he was _happy_…

_I make him happy! _She wriggled with delight.

"Stay with me tonight." He breathed, kissing her forehead again.

"Yes." She agreed.


	26. Flag

"So… how's it going?" Phoebe grinned cheekily over the rim of her wine glass.

Helga could feel herself blush. Things were so different with Arnold now, he was so _open _about their relationship… it still felt new, and strange, and a little scary. He touched her so easily, sliding a hand around her waist, or draping his arm over her shoulder, or planting a kiss on her cheek, that anyone could see they were an _item_. Gerald's face had been one of complete shock when Arnold had kissed her goodbye earlier that afternoon… and she just _knew _that her _boyfriend _would be getting the third degree from his best friend while they were out that night. The thought made her a little sick, although she couldn't explain why.

But she was grinning back, all the same. "It's… going _well_." She could feel her blush rising. Despite all of her stupid anxieties, it _was _going well. Since that first night together, they hadn't spent a night apart. It had been over two weeks, and every evening he would pull her aside, asking her quietly if she would _stay with him_… every evening it made her heart melt.

"_How well?" _Phoebe's voice was dripping with suggestion, her dainty eyebrow raised in a lewd question mark.

Helga sniggered. "Not quite _that _well… but… close…" She blushed at that, too. Their almost-sex life was... she struggled to find words for it… awesome, sublime, mind-blowing. She read a book once that said _to fall into colour is to run out of words_… that was the closest thing she could think of to describe it. It _felt _like falling, and she definitely saw colours…

She shook herself. "What about _you_, huh? You think this thing with Hair Boy's gonna get serious?"

It was Phoebe's turn to blush. "He has been talking about it, but I'm not so sure." Her little face screwed up. "Once Jamie-O and Marcy move in together, after the honeymoon, Gerald can take over Marcy's lease."

Helga gaped. She hadn't heard anything about _this!_ "Move back to Hillwood? To be with you?" she grimaced, that came out _wrong_. It's not like Phoebe wasn't worth moving halfway across the country for. "I mean, is that what you want?"

The look on Phoebe's face was pained. "I'm really not sure. I admit I like the idea of dating him. But I would feel awful if it didn't work out." She frowned "and I am not in the position to move my practice. Gerald moving here would be the most logical course of action. He has already had the transfer approved… but it all seems rather…"

"Intense?"

"Yes." Phoebe sighed.

"Look, Phebes… Gerald's gonna do what he wants to do, right?"

"Right."

"Well then, just let him move back. He's got a place to live and a job… plus, it's not like he's a stranger to the city." Helga shrugged. "It seems kinda stupid to tell him not to bother, if it's what you both want."

Phoebe sighed again. "I suppose you're right."

"Course I am." Helga beamed, sliding back into the sofa and putting her feet up on the coffee table. "You think he'll introduce you to his folks tomorrow?" She teased.

"I already know Martin and Talia…" Phoebe blushed, being deliberately obtuse.

"Sure… but do you think he'll let it slip that you guys are, like, _together?" _She snickered. "I mean, taking you as his date to Jamie-O's wedding is a pretty big deal, right?"

"Oh _please_!" Phoebe laughed, throwing a pillow across the room to land harmlessly next to Helga's feet. "What about you? Does Olga even _know _about you and Arnold yet?"

Helga sneered. "_Yes_. _And _she won't stop bugging me about it! She wants us to have a _family dinner _at Miriam's."

Phoebe blinked. "Isn't that a good thing?"

Helga shrugged. "Sure it _sounds _good, but they get so stupid after a few drinks, and you know Miriam… there's no way she won't have a few dozen bottles of wine lying about."

"Well, it has to be better than the vodka."

"Amen!" Helga raised her own wine glass into the air in an ironic salute. "You should have seen them tittering on New Years… and once when we had dinner with John there? Poor guy could have melted glass on his cheeks, he was blushing so hard." She shook her head. Olga's silently suffering husband was an easy target, but that night had been _embarrassing_. "Nah… I don't wanna put Arnold through that."

Phoebe nodded, her brows drawn together. _Uh-oh_, that was her thinking face. She obviously had something to say… "Have you thought that perhaps Arnold _wants _to be a part of your family?"

…

Helga stared. Why on earth would he want to be involved with that sorry group of misfits? "Nina's my family…" she mumbled lamely. She was missing something here, something big… she could feel it.

Phoebe regarded her. "I am sure that, if they were still alive, Arnold would be proud to introduce you to Phil and Gertie, despite their somewhat, um, bizarre eccentricities…" She paused, letting that sink in for a second before continuing: "Letting someone into your family, warts-and-all, is a very intimate gesture. One that Arnold would probably appreciate all the more, considering that he has no close relatives."

_Wow_. Phoebe had made Helga feel about the size of a pea within twenty seconds. She was right, of course. Helga had been too worried about how _her _embarrassment, and hadn't considered his feelings, not really. Sure, Phoebe might be totally wrong. Arnold might not want anything to do with her neurotic sister and barely-functioning-alcoholic mother… but she hadn't even asked…

"I'll ask him." She murmured weakly. "I'll ask him tonight, when they get home… and if he says yes, I'll organise something with Olga when I drop Nina off tomorrow."

"Don't do anything you're not ready for…" Phoebe at least had the decency to look abashed. "I wasn't trying to tell you off…"

_Welp, this has turned awkward. _She waved a hand. "No, you're right. Although, come to think of it, tonight might not be the best time to ask him…"

"What do you think they're doing?" Phoebe wondered, a smile playing across her lips.

"I dunno. Strippers probably." She snorted. "God would I love to be a fly on the wall! Can you imagine Arnold trying to watch strippers?"

Phoebe grinned. "I was thinking it would be a whiskey and cigars type of affair."

They collapsed into giggles. Jamie-O was a meat-head. Granted, he was a nice-enough guy… but his stag party would _definitely _be the jugs-and-dancing-girls kind of do… and it would definitely last most of the night.

Until four in the morning, to be precise.

"You awake?" Arnold's slurred voice stage whispered from the doorway.

She hadn't been, she'd been asleep for a couple of hours. But Gerald and Arnold's homecoming hadn't been as quiet as they thought it had. She yawned. "I am now."

"Good." He leaned against the wall as he tugged at his belt. He kicked his pants off his legs, leaving them puddled on the floor, and approached the bed, weaving as he crossed the floor. "I missed you." He climbed up on to the bed, his shirt and socks still on, his hair messy.

Struggling to sit up, she yawned again. She listened for a second to make sure Nina hadn't woken up, before turning to accept Arnold's offered kiss. "Have fun?"

He shrugged, his fingers came up to fumble with his shirt buttons. "Kinda… missed you though. It was kinda… weird."

She leaned forward, dealing with his bottom buttons while he struggled with the top ones. "How so?"

More shrugging. "I dunno… just wasn't where I wanted to be… but I didn't want to be _that guy_… you know?"

She nodded. Yeah, she knew… that was how she had felt on New Years… "Yeah. I know."

He sat back on his heels, kneeling on top of the covers, a goofy smile on his wide face. "You know me…"

"I know you're drunk." She smiled indulgently. He was so cute, even if he did stink like a brewery.

He pouted. "I tried to stay rela… relatively sober…" His fingers reached for hers, stopping her from unbuttoning him. "I know you don't like it when people are too drunk."

She stilled for a second. She had never told him that. He was right, of course. She could handle tipsy people, but after a certain point, she just found it repulsive. Nothing disgusted her quite as much as the glassy-eyed stare of a drunk. _He _wasn't too bad though, he seemed more tired than inebriated. She touched his stomach. "It seems you know _me_."

He smiled at that. "I hope so." His fingers squeezed at hers. He was obviously in a romantic mood. She wondered for a second if weddings affected him like that. She normally just found them corny, but she could imagine that he'd get all moony over them. "I _want _to know you." He tried to look sincere, and she had to bite her lip to stop herself from giggling.

"What do you want to know?" She was just sitting there, her fingers being squeezed, kinda painfully, in his, staring up into his sweet, honest face.

"Everything!" He crowed, falling forwards to her, letting go of her hands to brace himself above her. "I want to know everything about you… everything… everything you haven't told anyone else. All your secrets. I want to know you like how old married couples know each other. I want to know what you're going to say before you say it…"

She chuckled. "You don't like my unpredictable nature?"

He frowned. "I do! I like how you keep me guessing! But I do want to know that you want me…"

It was her turn to frown. "You don't know that?"

He shrugged. "Kinda…" He bit his lip. "I know that you're scared of letting people in… but sometimes it's like you don't trust me… that you think it's not going to last."

"You want it to last?" She parroted, marvelling at how stupid she sounded.

He nodded, "Yeah." His beautiful green eyes looked sad in the dim light. "Do you?"

She nodded back, "Yeah." She breathed. Swallowing, she steeled herself. She should offer him something… and she thought she knew what she could propose… "Do you wanna come to a family dinner thing at Miriam's? As… my boyfriend?"

He was grinning again. "Yeah?"

"Yeah."

He kissed her, his beery breath hot on her face. "I wish Grandma was still alive… she would love you."

"She used to call me Eleanor." Helga mused quietly.

He laughed. "Yeah?"

"Eleanor Roosevelt…"

He laughed. "Suits you." He kissed her again, and again. Her fingers came up to finish unbuttoning his shirt, and he groaned when she slid her hands beneath it. "God, woman… you'll be the undoing of me…"


	27. Trip

"_Helga!" _Olga was grinning from ear to ear when she finally managed to corner her little sister in the pantry. "He's _fantastic!_"

Blushing, Helga couldn't help but smile… before jabbing her elbow into her sister's ribs. "Keep your mitts off." She grinned, prodding Olga again as she juggled the salt shaker between her hands. "He is kinda wonderful, isn't he?"

Olga just squealed, already tipsy, and grasped at Helga's sweatshirt. "He's _so _in love with you!"

"Oh shut it." She pushed Olga out of her way. "Are you eating or what?" Squeezing past, she strode back out to where everyone else was crowded around Miriam's little table. She ignored Arnold's raised eyebrow and slid back into her seat. Olga had been about as subtle as a peacock when she had come scurrying after Helga, and Helga could feel how hot her cheeks now were.

Why throw around the _love _word? _Jesus, get a grip on yourself! You're twenty six years old and a mother for christ's sake!_ She scolded herself… but she couldn't stop blushing.

For the millionth time that night, Arnold reached to touch her, in that crazily casual way he had… and she melted. His hands were seemingly never off her… but somehow he didn't seem sleazy or possessive. He was a marvel. His fingers slipped gently into the small of her back, a gently reassuring gesture that let her know that everything was OK. For reasons she couldn't quite articulate, she had been terrified about this dinner. Until she'd gotten knocked up, she had never brought a guy home to meet her family. She'd had boys in her bed, but her parents had never known who she had climb up her fire escape…

That had been in the old house, though. Helga had never lived in the little apartment that Miriam occupied nowadays. It was nice, neat, small. Four floors up, with two bedrooms and a little balcony that Miriam grew plants on. Her little home suited her little life. She had a boyfriend of sorts, a meek man called James who she had gone to school with, back in the day. She had an office job at a talent agency, where her soft-spoken voice soothed nervous girls who wanted to be _stars_.

And she was off the vodka. She didn't even drink during the day anymore, which was a vast improvement on the old _smoothies-for-breakfast _Miriam that Helga had grown up with.

She was still a lush, but at least now she was a functional drunk.

Olga popped herself down into the seat opposite Arnold, grinning stupidly at her husband, as if they shared some big secret. Helga rolled her eyes.

"Mum!" Nina wriggled in her seat. "Do I have to eat all my peas?"

Helga smothered a grin with her mock-serious face. "Now, Miss Pataki… why on _earth _wouldn't you want to eat your peas?"

"Nina's not going to have her peas?" Arnold's fake-astonished voice rumbled in her ear. "I'll have 'em if she doesn't want them!"

Miriam laughed her thin laugh. Reaching out with her fork, she tried to spear the legumes off Nina plate, but the little girl gasped "_Don't_!" her nose crinkled up - understanding the game, but still guarding her territory - covering her little pile of peas with her little hands. "They're _mine!"_

"Are you sure?" Miriam's eyes were dancing as she leaned her elbow on the table, craning right over to try and peek through Nina's fingers.

"I'm _sure _Mirry!" Nina giggled, before grabbing a fistful of her peas and mashing them into her mouth.

"Nina!" Helga couldn't stop herself from laughing. Olga's mouth was open in shock at Nina's uncouth behaviour, but she started giggling too when Arnold picked up a pea from Helga's plate and popped it into his own mouth, grinning.

"Hey!" Helga leaned over to nudge at Arnold's arm with her shoulder, "You sneaky little…"

_Knock knock knock._

The thudding on Miriam's door sobered the cheerful mood. "I'll just go see who that is." Miriam put her fork down and pushed her chair out from the table, ruffling Nina's hair as she moved off.

Arnold's hand was gone from Helga's back. He caught her eye and smiled as he forked a piece of roast lamb into his mouth. She blushed again, she couldn't help it, he was just so… lovely.

Muffled voices could be heard through the small apartment. Miriam's drawl sounded weirdly high-pitched, and Helga pricked up her ears, cocking her head to try hear better through the walls. A bassy boom followed Miriam's burr, it was familiar, but Helga couldn't quite place it. She felt herself frown, her fork paused halfway to her mouth as she tried to figure it out….

It took her a second to realise that Olga was staring at her, her eyes wide, her mouth open. _Why does she look so scared? _The boom echoed into the room again… and she finally recognised it…

_Shit. Bob._

Her feet went cold. _Shit shit shit. _Her entire body had tensed up, coiling up as though she would fling herself up from the table and run. Which, weirdly, was her first thought.

"Hey." Arnold. His hand was on her shoulder, his thumb slid up under her chin to force her gaze to his. "Are you OK?"

"It's Bob."

He nodded. "Yeah. Do you want to go?"

She turned to look at Nina, who was looking back up at them, obviously aware that something was amiss. Helga swallowed… she couldn't keep doing this to her daughter, she couldn't just run away. Having such a strong reaction to Bob's presence was ridiculous, it's not like the guy had beaten her or anything… she didn't even know _why _she was so suddenly alarmed.

She shook her head. "No… it's fine… we'll finish dinner."

He frowned a little, but nodded. "Alright… but if you want to leave, just say the word, OK?"

"OK." Her cutlery was still clutched in her fists. Forcing a smile, she let Arnold kiss her briefly on the cheek before putting her food in her mouth and chewing woodenly.

_Bob's finally meeting Nina… Nina's finally meeting Bob… Shit. _

"Who's Bob?" Nina's voice was soft.

"Bob's my dad." Helga tried to keep her voice light. "Olga's dad too."

"So…" the little girl frowned in thought, "he's my granddad."

"Yup."

Considering this new information, Nina smushed one of her peas with the back of her fork. "Is he Granny Mirry's husband?"

"He was, but they got divorced." Helga had told Nina all of this before, of course, but this was a new context, Nina would want everything reiterated.

Footsteps approached the door, moments before it burst open… and there he was. Big Bob Pataki, in all of his polyester glory. "Olga!" He boomed, stepping across the little room to clap a hand to his eldest daughter's shoulder.

"Hello, Dad." She murmured, her eyes flicking to Helga's.

"John."

"Bob."

There was a strange silence. Miriam hovered behind her ex husband, her hands wringing together in rapid, flustered movements.

"Apparently there's someone here I have to meet." He thrust his wide chest out, grasped the back of Miriam's vacant chair and threw himself down into it, leaning over to face Nina, who just stared at him, her eyes _huge_, her fork gripped in her fist like a weapon. "So, little lady, what's your name?"

Nina just kept staring. She would have never met a man quite like Bob before. He demanded space, he sucked all the air out of a room with his larger-than-life posturing and massive voice. Helga stared right along with her daughter… he had barely changed. Sure, his hair was lighter, and his stomach a bit larger, a few more wrinkles round the eyes… but he hadn't withered into a shell of his former self… he looked… good.

_The bastard. _After everything he put everyone through, he could at least have been sick, or depressed, or even humbled… but he was just as hale and as hearty as ever.

"Well? Cat got your tongue?" He frowned, leaning further in to Nina, who leaned back. "What's wrong with her?" He barked, turning to frown accusingly at Helga.

"Her name's Nina, Bob. Nina, this is Bob, your grandfather."

"My name's Nina." The little girl parroted in a breathlessly. Oddly, she didn't seem scared, just overwhelmed. Helga could relate. When he was in a good mood, Bob could be downright jovial... but he was always overpowering.

"Well, whaddya know?" he beamed, "She speaks!" he turned to Helga again. "Looks just like you did as a kid, eyebrow and all." Without waiting for a reply, he turned his gaze to Arnold. "You're the kid's father?"

_Oh god… _

Arnold had put his cutlery down to watch the interaction, leaning back in his chair, he had his arm draped over Helga's shoulder.

"No, not the father, just the boyfriend." He answered softly, his eyes returning Bob's stare unflinchingly.

"Hmph." Bob snorted. "You gonna get me a plate, Miriam?"

_The pig. _Helga fought her sneer. He hadn't changed. A decade after the divorce and he still treated her mother like a slave. _Why doesn't she just tell him to fuck off? _But Miriam had been expecting it, she was already dishing him up a meal. Helga shook her head, disgusted.

Olga got up silently, padding off to grab another chair to replace the one Bob usurped, sitting it in the corner between her and John.

Bob at least had the decency to spit up a "Thanks" when Miriam set the food in front of him. Stabbing his meat, he looked up at Helga again. "So, you living back with your mother?"

She shook her head. "No." Putting a forkful of peas into her mouth, she neglected to elaborate, hoping he'd lose interest… but her terse answer piqued his attention.

"Not with the kid's father, obviously." He raised a pointed eyebrow. "Why is that?"

Rage bubbled up in Helga stomach. How _dare _he take some kind of moral stance against her? He, who had betrayed his wife at every opportunity…

"Dunno, Bob… why aren't you with your kid's mother?" She tried to keep the venom from her voice, for Nina's sake, but Bob glared at her. Arnold's fingers tightened on her shoulder.

"Don't get lippy with me, little lady." He growled, but he got the hint. "Where are you living?"

The flat of Arnold's thumb grazed against her, a soft, encouraging gesture. "At the Sunset Arms." She couldn't stop her voice from sounding steely, and she groaned inwardly at the confused look on Nina's face, her eyes moving to watch each of them in turn, like a tennis match.

"The Sunset… that crappy boarding house?!" Bob was aghast. Helga could have laughed… what did he care? "With that crazy old bat who dresses up like it's Halloween all the time? And the coot in the Packard?"

It was like the room was holding it's breath. Helga was so furious she didn't trust herself to open her mouth. Her jaw clenched, her hands let go of her cutlery, letting it clatter to the plate.

But Arnold's thumb stroked her shoulder again. "You must mean Gertie and Phil…" he paused for a second, before: "my grandparents."

Helga didn't know what Arnold was expecting, but if he had been looking for some kind of apology, he was going to be disappointed. Bob eyeballed him, a look of recognition slowly dawned on his face. "You're that football-headed orphan kid!"

The rest of the table gasped. "_Daddy!_" Olga's hand was clapped over her mouth in shock, Miriam sunk her head onto the table and groaned. Helga's hand, which had found it's way onto Arnold's knee, clenched. She was so angry, and so _humiliated_, that spots were dancing in her peripheral vision… but what could she do? Spewing vitriol was the only thing she could think of, and she couldn't say what she wanted to say in front of Nina…

Arnold laughed… _laughed… _that light chuckle he had when he found something genuinely funny. Helga stared… what the hell?

"I suppose I am." He agreed, his thumb grazing her shoulder again, his fingers pulling her gently towards him.

"Arthur?" Bob pointed his fork across the table, a flap of gravy-drenched lamb waggling from the end of it.

"Arnold."

"Yeah, that's right… Arnold. Whatever happened to those old loons, anyway?"

"They passed away almost ten years ago now."

Bob just nodded, a satisfied look on his face. "And your folks?" Did this man have _no _tact?

Arnold shrugged, "They were never found."

"Huh…" Bob nodded, like he had known the answer already, which, to be fair, he did. _Everyone _in the neighbourhood knew about Miles and Stella. _Everyone _would know if they had returned… But now Bobs attention had slipped, and he turned his cinder-block head. "So, Olga honey, how's work?"

Arnold squeezed Helga's shoulder one last time and let her go to finish his dinner. Leaving her to sit there with her head reeling. Only a few seconds had passed, but she felt like the floor had turned to jelly beneath her chair. She hadn't seen her father in nine years, hadn't spoken to him in eight… now he was sitting across the table from her, ignoring her, belittling her boyfriend… she felt like she was a child again… and it felt _bad. _

She hustled Nina out the door as soon as they had finished eating, whispering hushed apologies to Olga as she tugged on her jacket. She wanted out of that apartment. What had felt small and cosy now felt claustrophobic, with Bob sitting in front of the TV, a beer in his hand… it was too much like old times…

Arnold, in that beautiful way he had… said nothing about it. He opened the car door for her, clipped Nina into her booster seat, drove them home and answered Nina's many questions about his orphanhood… but didn't ask her about Bob.

It was good to be home.

Even if Nina was in a grizzly mood and didn't want to brush her teeth, there was nowhere else Helga would have rather been than back at the Sunset Arms.

"Nina asleep?" Arnold grinned at her from the bathroom doorway, a towel slung low on his skinny hips. _He's beautiful. _She could feel the smile playing around her lips as she looked at him. His hair was wet, pushed back from his face. She nodded, and he crossed the hall to wrap her in his arms.

"Stay with me tonight?" He murmured, pressing his lips to her hair, her cheek.

"Yes." She sighed, her hands traveling the small of his back, dipping her fingers beneath his towel. God he felt good, he _smelt _good. "I gotta have a shower though."

"Hmmmm." He hummed, kissing her jaw before letting her go. "Want a cuppa or anything?"

She wriggled out of his arms, reaching up to press a kiss under his ear. "No thanks. I won't be long."

"OK." He agreed, trailing after her down the hallway, grabbing her wrist before she could step through the door. "Hey…"

_Aw man. _Here it was. He was going to ask her if she was OK, and she wasn't… and she'd end up in tears because she just couldn't handle it when he was nice to her. She stifled a sigh, turned to look at him. "Yeah?"

"I love you."


	28. Burst

"_I love you."_

She thought she had heard wrong, that she was hallucinating… until she had realised he was waiting for some kind of reaction, his beautiful face tense and nervous. She opened her mouth to say it back, how could she not? But it must have been half a breath to late, because he rushed on:

"I don't expect you to say it back, or for this to be, like, um, the next step… I just… seeing you tonight, I wanted to let you know that… that I really admire you. I…"

He took a deep breath then, centring himself, and continued, his voice lower, calmer…

"I don't want to pressure you, and I don't expect anything for saying this… I just want you to know that, as a person, I love you… and as my girlfriend…" he swallowed "I'm in love with you."

She stared. How could she follow that? His green eyes, full of hope and worry, bored into hers. He was waiting for something, anything… he might have _said _that he didn't want her to say it back… but he obviously wanted something.

Easing her wrist from his grip, she put her hands on his shoulders, slid them around to meet at the back of his neck, and pulled his face down to hers. He grasped her hips as she kissed him, clutching at her like she was a life raft. It was… terrifying, but edifying.

"Fancy another shower?" She asked, her lips still against his, his breath on her face. She traced his hairline with her fingertips.

"Huh?" Well… whatever reply he had been expecting, it wasn't that.

"Will you shower with me?" She asked softly, arching slightly to press her chest up against his.

She felt, rather than saw him frown, his grip was still hard on her hips, his body tense… she didn't know what to do to calm him. She didn't want to just parrot _I love you too _back at him, not now, after his little speech… she couldn't say exactly why, but it would have felt too easy…

… He had put himself on the line just now… she knew that. She knew he was nervous and felt exposed… and a weird, instinctive part of her wanted to do the same for him, before she returned his words.

"Come." She demanded softly, grabbing his hands and tugging him through the open bathroom door. He followed wordlessly, but she could feel his hesitation, the stiffness in his arms as he woodenly tripped after her. She fretted… was he hurt? She could see why he would be… She turned to face him, pressing him back against the door until it closed behind him. Reaching up to slide the lock into place, she leaned against him, put her hands on his cheeks, held his face. "Bear with me…" she whispered, stretching up to kiss him again.

That seemed to help. His hands, which had come back to hold her hips, slid around her, tugging her close. Without looking, she fumbled for the knob on the little night-light they'd stuck in the socket next to the light switch. It had come in handy for when you wanted to pee in the middle of the night, but didn't want to blind yourself with the main light… and now it seemed it was far easier than mucking about with candles or something.

There was a _click_, and the room was bathed in a soft, warm, orange glow. Arnold let out a huff of air, like an exclamation point, and his fingers gripped harder at her back. She raised her arms, leaning back a little to raise an eyebrow at him. His eyes were full of question as he hooked his fingers under her top and started to edge it up. She tried to smile, tried to ignore the butterflies in her stomach as he bared her stomach, her ribs, her bra-clad breasts… finally pulling her top from her fingertips and dropping it on the floor.

His eyes raked over her, his face unreadable as she stood before him… gently, she covered his hands with hers and brought them to the top button of her jeans, nudging her hips forward to press the fabric against his fingers when she let him go. But he had stilled, staring at her.

"Are you sure?" he whispered, "You're normally so shy…" He was right… they hadn't been naked together, she had always kept her underwear on… and she _always _made sure that the lights were out when she was going to be less-than-full-dressed… She _was _shy. More than shy, she was terribly self-conscious. She knew she wasn't like the other girls he had dated. She wasn't small and toned. Stretch marks spread across the bottom of her belly, her wide, pale C-section scar stretched between her hipbones… she felt old, she felt _ruined_… but he had told her what he wanted, when he had officially _asked her out_. She could remember the look on his face, "_I want to do it properly… I want to _see _you." _So it didn't matter than she was so terrified, she was making herself vulnerable, she was returning his gesture…

"I'm sure." She breathed, letting her touch fan across his chest, forcing herself to sound brave.

So his fingers fumbled at her fly, opening the buttons one by one, his eyes widening with each little _pop. _Until he could slide his hands inside her waistband and push the fabric down her legs. He steadied her, his hand on her waist, as he leaned over to hook her socks off her feet as she stepped out of her jeans.

"This feels religious." He whispered as he straightened up to hold her against him. She knew what he meant… they were almost silent, the only noise was of their shifting limbs and burning breath. She could feel his hardness beneath his towel, his strong heartbeat against her chest… but instead of their usual murmuring and whimpering, there was a reverent stillness to the air.

She reached behind her back to unclip her bra, and watched the movement of his languid eyes as he drank in the sight of her, her skin bare before him, in the light for the first time. "Jesus." He sighed, and his hands came to her ribs, to brush the backs of his fingers on the low undersides of her heavy breasts.

"Come." Her lips barely moved as she turned out of his hold, moving across the cold floor to turn on the taps. The water spattering against the enameled tub sounded like rain on a tin roof. Still warm from Arnold's previous shower, steam started to fog up the room, turning the misty air mistier still as his hands came to claim her from behind. He cupped her, weighing her chest in his palms, his lips on her shoulder, his arousal pressing against her rear.

She pushed back against him, and he groaned softly in response. Reaching back, she tugged at his towel and reveled in the thrill of her stomach as it pooled around their feet. One more scrap of material and they would be naked together… and he was already fastening his fingers into the elastic waistband, towing her panties slowly, slowly down over her buttocks, giving her plenty of opportunity to refuse, to back out… but she pressed back into him, let her ragged breath gasp in and out of her lungs…

She left her underwear where they fell, stepping out of them to climb under the shower. Her blood humming against her skin where his hands were on her. They faced each other, their eyes blinking against the drops sprinkling up from their skin. They pressed together, trapping his erection between them, where it thumped against her skin in time with his pulse.

Grabbing the soap from its dish, she reached back to push it under Arnold's long fingers. He moved his hands in circles, massaging up her back, soap suds slippery beneath his fingers as he worked his touch over every inch of her skin. Gently, he shifted back to stroke the suds down her arms, smiling when his fingers delved into her underarms and she yelped. He sobered again as he drew his attention to her breasts. She watched his face, how his gaze followed his fingers intently, tracing the swell of her, running over her nipples, which cinched up at his touch. Despite the steaming hot water, goose bumps broke out across her skin, she shivered.

She must have made a noise, her breath must have caught or a whimper must have escaped her throat, because he looked up at her, his eyes dark, questioning, as his hands quested cautiously down her body, stringing her nerves out tight, making her blood sing. One palm curving to hold her waist, the other dragged through her curls. She definitely whimpered then, as his fingers moved to press flat against her, nestling within the folds of her.

His hips shifted forward, the head of him bumping against her hip, and her hands abandoned his chest to grasp the hot, hard heat of him. He hissed, his hips thrusting forwards involuntarily to slip himself between her wet fingers. Had he ever felt this hard before? This hot? She felt the length of him, felt him jumping as she held him. She was staring, watching how dark he was becoming, when she realized that while he had never seen her before… she had never seen him, either. Heat exploded within her at that thought, and she leaned up against him, whining as his fingers moved to explore her.

Soapsuds traveled across them, smearing their skin and making everything slick, making the motion of her hands on him smoother, faster. She held him tighter, and when he swore, his head dropping to her shoulder as he pulsed and grew, she reached down further to cup at him.

"Oh god Helga…" his whispered exclamation was fervent, full of unspoken words. The soap dropped from his grasp to _smack _against the floor of the tub, but he just reached to grasp her tighter, to pull her flush against him, her hand still working, gripping him, between their stomachs.

She could feel him, she knew it was close… his thighs were shaking, the hand on her back travelled into her hair, seizing a fistful of her hair, as the fingers that slipped against her folds pressed into her, making her swear, making her knees buckle as his long fingers delved inside of her.

And then he came. Even against the hot water, his seed was hotter on her stomach, scorching her as he groaned her name, bit her shoulder, shoved himself into her grasping, holding hands. She stroked him until he gasped, knowing how sensitive he became after climax. But she still held him, gently cupping him in her palms as his shaking subsided, his gasping breaths became slightly less labored. She cradled him against her belly, kissing his neck as his head lay heavy on her shoulder.

He gently slipped his fingers from her, and traced his hands to her waist to hold her, murmuring nothings against her skin, praying into the crook of her neck. Paying her homage with a million sweet words…

Eventually, when his breath had quieted and his legs were steady again, she let him go. Her touch slid up to hold his face, lifting his head, forcing him to look at her as she pressed a kiss to his lips. She caught his gaze, held it, her fingers quivering slightly as she finally let him in…

"I love you, too…"


	29. Sate

"What's something you've always wanted, but never got?" Arnold's voice was hushed. It was the middle of the night, and they were yet to sleep. They were lying together, facing each other, his fingers were in her hair, dragging slowly through the tangles, smoothing it out against her neck. _He loves me! _He had told her so, holding her face in the shower, pressing kisses against her eyelids, her cheeks, her lips. He had whispered it against her skin as he had wrapped a towel around her, and again when he had pulled her into his bed…

She stretched against him, loving the feel of him against her, his tall, skinny frame against hers. "You."

He chuckled at that. "You have me… I mean, what's something you wanted for you, something stupid that you never got because you couldn't justify spending the money on yourself?"

"Why, you gonna get me a present?" She wriggled against him. He was so sweet!

"Yep…"

She shrugged. "You've given me heaps already…" her fingers came up automatically to touch the little heart charm that hung, seemingly permanently, around her neck. "I don't need anything."

He sighed, tugged her a little closer. "It's not about you _needing _anything. I want to get you something that you don't need… let me spoil you."

She laughed at that. Didn't he get it? He was already spoiling her… he gave her _everything_. Didn't he get that everything she had ever wanted was in the way his breath shook when she touched him? She had spent her entire life wanting him to _see _her… and now every time he looked at her, his eyes grew soft… didn't he realise?

"I just want you." She repeated, arching her back to shift her breasts against his chest.

He sighed. "You make things so difficult." He tried to sound stern, but there was laughter in his voice. He kissed her. "You _have_ me." And the conviction in his statement made her heart stutter. _This _was what she had always wanted, but never got…

"No… I _want you._" She rolled her hips, "If you want to…" she trailed off… surely he understood…

The hand in her hair stilled, just for a second, but she felt it, the realisation dawning on him… "You want… are you sure?"

She ran the tip of her index finger from his sternum, down his stomach, drawing it to brush gently into his hair. Looking up at him, his eyes shining slightly in the dim light, she nodded. "Spoil me." She smiled, the air suddenly weighted in her lungs.

"Jesus…" he growled, and she felt him stir against her thigh. His neck bent to press his lips against the base of her throat. "Now?"

She saw colours… it was going to happen. She was as nervous, as _excited _as she had been her very first time, ten years ago… "If you want to…"

His teeth set into her skin, around her collarbone, making her whimper. His breath sizzled across her nerve endings as it huffed out in a long groan. "If I want to…" He marvelled, his voice incredulous, his lips brushing over where his teeth had grabbed her. Suddenly, he rolled on top of her, pinning her to the mattress as he stared into her eyes. "I have wanted you ever since you fell asleep in the blanket fort._ You are beautiful_." and for a second, she believed him… how could she not, when his voice was so fevered, his touch so fervent. He didn't tell her she was beautiful like she was just attractive, he made it sound like she _was _beauty, like all that was lovely stemmed from her…

"Oh god…" she whispered, keening when he pressed himself against her, "please."

He groaned at that. "You make it hard to be the gentleman." Leaning heavily against her, he dragged a hand up her inner thigh. She spread her legs further apart, tilted her hips to meet his fingers, and whimpered when the moving of her body forced the flat of his erection harder against her.

Her hips shuddered forward of their own accord when he pressed his fingers into her, he swore softly, and she whispered: "Do you have… uh… _condoms?"_ She finished on a whisper, skidding her fingertips up his ribs, glorying in how his muscles twitched under her touch.

"_Oh_…" he throbbed against her, she _felt _him pulse, and she moaned in reply, pressing herself against him, forcing her hips against his searching fingers. "Are you _sure?_" he asked again, his voice cracking.

"_Yes!" _she gasped as his thumb ran over the top of her, aware she sounded manic, but just not caring. He was _so close_, it was driving her crazy!

He withdrew his fingers from her, leaned over to wrench open his beside drawer and scramble around for the little blue box. "Here." She reached up to take the box from him, prised the plastic off it with her teeth as he explored her body with his mouth, mumbling his lips over her breasts, making her squeal as he gently took her nipple with his teeth… Finally she tore one of the foil packets free and threw the box to the floor.

He moaned when she grasped him, her tongue was between her teeth as she carefully rolled the condom down over him. He nuzzled her skin, nosing her breast, dotting kisses up her chest, her neck, across her chin… pressing his lips to hers, his hand grasped the back of her knee, spreading her thighs wide, before letting go to take hold of himself…

She stilled as he pressed himself against her, gasping as the head of him slowly, slowly entered her. "I love you." He breathed, his gaze on her face, watching as she struggled to keep her eyes open. Her hips circled, angling to try speed him up…

"Fuck, Arnold, I love you too… so mu-_uch!" _She squealed as he shoved forwards. _Shit_, she hadn't realised how large he was… or had it really been that long since she'd last had sex?

He made a low, pained sound, before taking his weight off her, holding himself up on his elbows. "Are you OK?"

She nodded. "Yeah." Rolling her hips experimentally, she shifted so that just an inch of him ran in and out of her with her movements, and his answering groan made her muscles twinge. He was beautiful… he was beautiful and he was inside her, and he looked at her like she was too good for him… she just didn't understand it… but it made her _burn._

Her fingers roved across his back, feeling his long muscles bunching under his skin, taut and strong and quivering with pent-up desire. He drew back slowly, before shunting forwards, angling his hips to press as far inside her as he could. His breath was laboured as he built up a deliberate, even rhythm. She squirmed beneath him, rocking her hips up in time with his shifting body, riding her thighs up around him.

His hand slid up her neck, grasped a fistful of her damp blonde hair and tugged, forcing her head back, making her whine as the almost-painful sensation sent electricity _down. _"What do you like?" His whisper was hoarse, muffled as he pressed his lips to her exposed throat. "I want to make you come… I want to _feel_ you come."

She whimpered. This was amazing. How could boring old _missionary_ feel this good? She could feel _everything_, the rasp of his skin against hers, their pulses, mismatched, thumping in reply to each other, his hot breath slicking over her skin… He thrust into her, the head of him pressing right to the end of her, then stilled, pinning her down… his teeth nipped at her throat, _just _soft enough to not quite be painful. "_Tell me…" _his voice shook as her thighs tensed, as she clenched around him.

"_Touch!" _she managed to gasp, "_I want you to touch me…" _

She felt his hum reverberate against her skin. "_Touch you?"_ He rolled slightly to the side to trail the hand that wasn't in her hair down her body. She waited, every nerve in her body humming with anticipation for his touch. His fingertips grazed over her collarbone, she could hear his breath deepen as he watched his own fingers trace the rim of her nipple, and she could feel him throb inside her when she whimpered.

He brushed across the bottom swell of her breast, over her ribs, her hip… He leaned his weight against her thigh, forcing her to keep her muscle tense beneath him… everything was strained, everything _almost _hurt. Her neck craned back, his grip in her hair, how he had her pinned to the mattress, his weight on her thigh… the length of him pressing hard inside her… she shook.

"_Please touch me…_" she whined, her eyes were screwed shut, her toes were curling, her free leg raised higher, spread wider. His thumb dragged lightly down the edge of her, and she swore. Her hips raised, _desperate_ for pressure, and slowly, torturously, he stroked his thumb across the top of her.

She wanted to fall apart. There was a strange, tight feeling at the base of her skull, streaks and spots of colour danced in front of her eyes, her back was arched so high that her weight rested on her shoulder blades. She had never been so tightly wound, so hopelessly in _need_. Arnold groaned as her hips rolled, bumping the head of him against the end of her again and again. She could feel him swelling, feel him getting hotter… he bore his thumb down against her, his other fingers sliding over the lips of her, his hand grasping her hair tighter, his hips pressing harder, pinning her down further, matching the movements of her heaving hips… it was all too much, everything was too _tight…_

… with a strangled scream, she exploded. For a second, Arnold twisted her tighter, forcing himself further into her, pulling her hair harder… then he let her go. He swore, his thumb brushing her lightly as she shuddered and moaned beneath him. She couldn't tell if her eyes were open or not, the explosion of colour in her vision was so blinding… sweat beaded around her hairline, her thighs burned, she felt swollen, like her blood was fizzing… and where they were joined together, she ached.

Gradually, she became aware of the rest of the room. The roaring in her ears subsided, and the room felt weirdly still, quiet, in the aftermath of such an overpowering… event…

With a sigh, Arnold collapsed. "Relax, baby…" she could _hear_ his smile. The flat of his palm roved in long, lazy circles over her ribs.

Her chest was heaving, her breath coming in long, shuddering draws. "_Arnold… that was…"_ her voice was high, even to her own ears, it was tremulous.

His chest bounced with his laugh. "Yeah… it was…"

She sighed, let herself sink into the mattress under Arnold's weight. "I saw stars." She breathed.

He laughed again. _I love that sound. _"You weren't the only one…" He lifted his head to kiss her. "You make me forget myself… you know…" he kissed her again, his fingers sliding beneath her to hold her close.

Beginning to feel halfway normal again, Helga yawned, smiling. "We're going to be so tired tomorrow."

He chuckled at that. "Sure… but that's what Saturdays are for… lounging around watching Disney movies." He shifted a little, eased slowly from her to kneel between her legs. "You don't have to do that…" he trailed off, watching as she reached, without looking, to ease the condom from him and deftly tie a knot in the end. "Is it weird that I find that kinda sweet?"

She shrugged. "Probably." She sat up, looking around. "I left my clothes in the bathroom."

"You don't need them…" He was grinning, but moved over to the edge of the bed to grab her one of his old, worn shirts. "This OK?"

"Perfect."…

… "I like you in my shirt." He whispered sleepily, his thighs tucked behind hers, his face in her hair. It was closing in on morning, and although she was struggling to keep her eyes open, she didn't want the night to end… "You should wear it more often."

"You wanna wear my pink ribbon?" She murmured into the pillow, fast succumbing to the heaviness of sleep.

"You still have it?"

She just nodded, too tired to speak.

He kissed the back of her neck through her hair. "I love that ribbon…" he yawned. "I love that I've known you so long… it feels like you belong here."

"With you?" Despite her exhaustion, that sent a little thrill through her stomach.

"Mmmmmm…" he murmured in affirmation. "Like you're meant to be in my life…" he chortled, a sleepy, soft little noise. "Maybe Rhonda's origami marriage predictor thing was right after all…"


End file.
